Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > What Helps?

Has anyone dealt with a narcicistic relationship?

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Debbie:
I have been with this man for six years, off and on, if I don't do as he says he will kick me out of the home, in his mind he owns everything including me. In swears like a mad man, calling me every flith known to man, he smashes and breaks my belongings. He is always right, I have tried and tried to reason with him but nothing I say or do is right. He will kick me out with no where to go and no money, I am to serve him 100%, he continually wants me to tell him how wonderful he is but in actuality he is a selfish, self centred, manipulating, controlling PIG. He always threatens me with other woman, he is seductive and very charming, his life revolves around his possessions and wants more and more possessions all the time. Everything is huge, the biggest the best, he can't afford a fraction of what he has but keeps borrowing more money, he lives in a Grandiose world not really wanting anything that he wants but insists that family, neighbors, firends all see how successful he is. He will have sex with anyone that is even remotely attractive and will tell me that it is nothing, that it is equanliant to Masturbating, he says he is faithful and devoted, yet can just crawl out of bed with a whore. In his mind the whole world evolves around him. He controls all the money, our home and everything in it belongs to him. He is very suspicious and jealous of whom I may talk to who. When raging he will grab me throw me on the floor, pull my hair, spit on me and when he throws me out of the house, when I try to make a small bag he beocmes even more enraged. In the past six years he has thrown me out of the house over a hundred times, changes locks on the doors, belittles and wants me totally dependent on him. He has told me that he is the King, and we live in his Kingdom, the reason I get thrown out is because I am not a Loyal servant. I am his 4th Wife, in each marriage, he has been with multiple partners while all wives have been faithful and devoted. When there is no one else around, he cries, actually cries, gets on his knees and begs me not to leave him, promises change and promises to get help, he never follows through with anything. He takes Holidays by himself and leaves me at home as I would only wreck his holiday.
As horrible as this man is, he can be wonderful and gentle but only for a short time. He beleives that all his ex's are in Love with him and that woman would be lined up at the driveway to be with him. He dresses like a Cowboy that's the new image as woman love Cowboys and really plays that role. He can go from a very together man to a 6 year old child throwing a tantrum. In our marriage he had me sign papers signing over all our property to him and signing away my dower rights.
I have left him once again, I left with some old furniture as he owns all, he is Arizona right now with the Huge brand new 5th wheel  camper that we bought for holidaying, he is on another Whore Tour, he has his Mother sitting in our home house guarding while he is on his month's vacation. He tries to convince people that I am crazy and that I am possessed by Satan, only he could have put up with me for so long, no one else would have been able to acheive what he has. He treats my kids like they are nothing. I was not even in his Will, yet in his mind, he has given me everything. It is extremely hard to break free from the control and the bondage that this person has over me. My heart is broken, I have cried a million tears, he has no empathy or conscience. Whatever enters his mind, he feels righteous in acting upon it, and each and everytime I am blamed for making him do it. He also is a drinker, but the alcohol is not the cause it only makes it that much easier for his pants to slide off and the abuse can be maybe a little more critical.
As nice as this man can be he is not a nice person. Everything that is important to me he has poisoned nothing is sacred to him.
I am so hurt and in so much pain, I really do miss the nice guy because there really is a nice guy, I am terrified of the other guy, there have been times when I have gotten out in the middle of the night in barefeet and a nightgown so frightened, and we live out on a farm in the country.
He wanted sex all the time but as soon as he was done screwing me, he could actually throw me on the floor like an unwanted whore.
Like I said, I am no longer with him, but the hurt is huge, the whole in my heart and the grieving is a slow process.
It makes it even more difficult when he parades around like a tramp.
He will follow me in my vehicle, phone and leave stupid messages, I don't talk to him.
Is he done with me yet???? Or he is only done until the next woman leaves him or until that blows up in his face??? He still has contact to some degree with all his other wives because he thinks that at any time they would toss out their husbands to be with him.
I am involved with a Narcissist, don't ever get involved with one!!!!!!
I knew all this before I married him - All - and married him anyway, he convinced me to and yet I did it anyway. I am not a kid, I am 51 years old and still did this, BEWARE  of the narcissist, they are unlike anyone I have ever encountered.

Debbie:
I have been with this man for six years, off and on, if I don't do as he says he will kick me out of the home, in his mind he owns everything including me. In swears like a mad man, calling me every flith known to man, he smashes and breaks my belongings. He is always right, I have tried and tried to reason with him but nothing I say or do is right. He will kick me out with no where to go and no money, I am to serve him 100%, he continually wants me to tell him how wonderful he is but in actuality he is a selfish, self centred, manipulating, controlling PIG. He always threatens me with other woman, he is seductive and very charming, his life revolves around his possessions and wants more and more possessions all the time. Everything is huge, the biggest the best, he can't afford a fraction of what he has but keeps borrowing more money, he lives in a Grandiose world not really wanting anything that he wants but insists that family, neighbors, firends all see how successful he is. He will have sex with anyone that is even remotely attractive and will tell me that it is nothing, that it is equanliant to Masturbating, he says he is faithful and devoted, yet can just crawl out of bed with a whore. In his mind the whole world evolves around him. He controls all the money, our home and everything in it belongs to him. He is very suspicious and jealous of whom I may talk to who. When raging he will grab me throw me on the floor, pull my hair, spit on me and when he throws me out of the house, when I try to make a small bag he beocmes even more enraged. In the past six years he has thrown me out of the house over a hundred times, changes locks on the doors, belittles and wants me totally dependent on him. He has told me that he is the King, and we live in his Kingdom, the reason I get thrown out is because I am not a Loyal servant. I am his 4th Wife, in each marriage, he has been with multiple partners while all wives have been faithful and devoted. When there is no one else around, he cries, actually cries, gets on his knees and begs me not to leave him, promises change and promises to get help, he never follows through with anything. He takes Holidays by himself and leaves me at home as I would only wreck his holiday.
As horrible as this man is, he can be wonderful and gentle but only for a short time. He beleives that all his ex's are in Love with him and that woman would be lined up at the driveway to be with him. He dresses like a Cowboy that's the new image as woman love Cowboys and really plays that role. He can go from a very together man to a 6 year old child throwing a tantrum. In our marriage he had me sign papers signing over all our property to him and signing away my dower rights.
I have left him once again, I left with some old furniture as he owns all, he is Arizona right now with the Huge brand new 5th wheel  camper that we bought for holidaying, he is on another Whore Tour, he has his Mother sitting in our home house guarding while he is on his month's vacation. He tries to convince people that I am crazy and that I am possessed by Satan, only he could have put up with me for so long, no one else would have been able to acheive what he has. He treats my kids like they are nothing. I was not even in his Will, yet in his mind, he has given me everything. It is extremely hard to break free from the control and the bondage that this person has over me. My heart is broken, I have cried a million tears, he has no empathy or conscience. Whatever enters his mind, he feels righteous in acting upon it, and each and everytime I am blamed for making him do it. He also is a drinker, but the alcohol is not the cause it only makes it that much easier for his pants to slide off and the abuse can be maybe a little more critical.
As nice as this man can be he is not a nice person. Everything that is important to me he has poisoned nothing is sacred to him.
I am so hurt and in so much pain, I really do miss the nice guy because there really is a nice guy, I am terrified of the other guy, there have been times when I have gotten out in the middle of the night in barefeet and a nightgown so frightened, and we live out on a farm in the country.
He wanted sex all the time but as soon as he was done screwing me, he could actually throw me on the floor like an unwanted whore.
Like I said, I am no longer with him, but the hurt is huge, the whole in my heart and the grieving is a slow process.
It makes it even more difficult when he parades around like a tramp.
He will follow me in my vehicle, phone and leave stupid messages, I don't talk to him.
Is he done with me yet???? Or he is only done until the next woman leaves him or until that blows up in his face??? He still has contact to some degree with all his other wives because he thinks that at any time they would toss out their husbands to be with him.
I am involved with a Narcissist, don't ever get involved with one!!!!!!
I knew all this before I married him - All - and married him anyway, he convinced me to and yet I did it anyway. I am not a kid, I am 51 years old and still did this, BEWARE  of the narcissist, they are unlike anyone I have ever encountered.

alc400:
Hi,

  I was married for 6 years to one.  He started out fabulous, as they all do, the "man of my dreams".  We got a divorce after I cleaned him up from drugs...for another woman. Can you tell I am bitter?  So, I proceed into another one, with my divorce money.  I get turned upside down in a business that I worked my butt off in.  I take a break, get my job, have my home, doing fine.  Along comes the present...He now decides after wooing me and I moved 1500 miles away, that he isn't that comfortable.  We go through that, he is ok for 2 days and tonight, well, this morning he is still not home at 3:45 am.  I am heartbroke and lost.  I assume that is a good example of our topic, I am so mad but so hurt. I don't know what to do.....

blue:
N's do not change
And unless WE CHANGE we will be stuck in the nightmare that never ends
My b/f is an N and N's are all over my family (I believe that this disorder is in the genes as i have too many members in my family to believe otherwise)
N's are metally ill and we need to see them in that light
You are not going to do anything or say anything to change them
I believe that those that stay with them are codependent  (it has been my issue) I am always looking for the love that i could not find at home (cant find love wit two N parents)
My b/f and i have drifted and i have let it happen. I have not "ended" it but i have kept away (I tell him him i am too tired to see him etc I call him so he feels i am in "contact" but we are so far apart emotionally its a joke) we do not live together and never have  I would NEVER want to live with him I cannot imagine what it would be like He likes to "control" me as if we are married or live together Its funny because he really doesn't want that but acts like we do
he has not cheated on me though for a long time he was "chatting" sex crap on the net until i left him (no calls nothing He had no idea where i was)
He has since quit doing it (most of the time anyway) N's lie so i believe nothing he says
They are vampires and they are sick.
We have to ask OURSELVES : WHY ARE WE WITH THEM? Yes they can be sweet and loving :when they want something from us or they think we are leaving them This is not love This is NEED and FEAR.
blue

Hopalong:
Debbie, ALC, and Rose:
Welcome, and I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner. Glad you're here.
Debbie, the abuse you've endured is appalling...I am so glad the relationship is behind you and hope soon the grieving will be too.
ALC, there is nothing to do except let it go--and get ftf support and help for yourself...a T, a support group, maybe both. I had been a raging codependent for most of my life and at last, after my last Nbf, I am truly confident I'll never believe it again.
Blue, you got it.

I think when the "nice guy" in an N appears, for example, once a month...we need to stop and tell ourselves, it's the REST of the month that is the main reality, and THAT's what I need to base my decisions on.

Anyway, I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir, but welcome again, all...

Hopalong

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