If anyone knows ANY man, just one, who fits my profile and got past it, please send them my way, and soon.
Ladies, I appreciate your encouragement I really do but I NEED some man whos been there done that to show me the way. This whole thing is beginning to come into focus for me. Men raised as boys without a male role model to take the attention of mom off them are in deep deep doo doo. Strong women have the sense to get out of the way a little. Lebron James was raised in a hellish, poverty stricken environment. His mother often didn't know where there next meal was coming from. But she had the sense, and strength, not to hunker down, take welfare and smother her kid. She let uncles and coaches and other people look after her son while she looked for work. She didn't smother him and look where he is today. Forget the fame and fortune, I see in his interviews with his kids around that he made it. He's strong emotionally and his kids love him genuinely, all without his father around.
The key is the strength of the mother. Mine happened to have none. I pulled the strings and that my friends, creates a monster. Most, if not all, men that came up like I did, are in prison or six feet under at 37 yrs old. I am trying so hard to just stay alive. I've become very reclusive, even around my own kids and wife, keeping my nose in a book or working on the car and motorcycles. I'm eat up with the fear of the world that my crazy mother (and grandmother) put into me.
She got that fear from a father who sexually abused her and a mother that preferred her brother. She was never seen and appreciated. Her mother and father surely had the same situation growing up to some degree. My father had polio, was the youngest of 3, and was babied by his well-meaning mother while his father worked all the time and who said, I'll make the money, you take care of the kids.
I'm the unfortunate product of these two people running into each other in adolescence and finding comfort in each others arms sexually but had absolutely no business having a child. My only sibling is a half brother on my dads side who I didn't grow up with, he lived with my father. He's now in prison for sexual abuse of a minor. I can only imagine the hell he grew up with, living with my fathers alcoholic temper tantrums.
I'm not a violent person toward others because I didn't grow up with it. I will walk away from a confrontation with a man because I learned in high school what I will do in a rage and have never hit a woman. I just didn't see that growing up so its not a part of me. But I'm all about me to the n'th degree and that has gotten old.
Folks, I know I'm no different than thousands of other boys who are now men and either incarcerated, tyrants in their own home, homeless walking the streets or dead. I just happen to have enough IQ and comprehension skills to realize where I am. Alot of these men are needing the same thing, they just gave up on trying.
Someone please tell me, no, specifically some man please show me, that this can be overcome. That after putting people on the moon, mapping genes, building skyscrapers, etc. that there is some therapy or something that can pull a man out of the downward spiral.
Hanging on waiting for a miracle,
RS
