Today I ...

[bearwithme]

I thought I'd start a thread about the "feeling bad" about everything that N's have told us to feel bad about.  I mean to say, after reading a lot of posts here, there is heavy mention about the "bad" feelings and how we are trained to always think our actions or thoughts, no matter what they are, are bad or insignificant, etc.  Let us do an exercise if you want to partake.   It actually hits home more when you see what you wrote.

So here goes mine:

Today I felt bad after being on the computer to write my poetry for nearly 3 hours, when I should have been doing the laundry, paying the bills or doing something "productive."  I should have really done better with my time.  Why did I squander this time away ...I should have been doing so much more.
 
Reverse thought:    Today I felt good because I had time for myself and my thoughts.  I was happy to engage in my writings and use my home grown talent to muse my soul...I felt content and proud of myself for that short while. I had fun.  Maybe tomorrow I'll tackle that pile of laundry...


Make sure you start sentence #1 with "Today I" and then sentence #2 with "Reverse thought"  just to keep one's thought organized for all to understand.

Your turn!

[Ami]

This is a great thread. I want to think about it and will be back later.Thanks for it, Bear!           xxooo     Ami

[teartracks]

Today I slept until ten.  I should have gone to sleep earlier so I could make hay while the sun shines like regular folk..

Today I slept until ten.  That's a good thing for it is the second night I've slept without relying on sleep aids that cause very uncomfortable side effects.   I feel more hopeful about conquering chronic insomnia.

tt 

[Ami]

Dear(( Bear)))
 My hardest thing  is thinking *I* am BAD when I have "bad"thoughts. My M is in my head pervading my thinking . So, when I have a bad thought ie selfish, petty, judgemental,egocentric etc, I say 'Everyone has bad thoughts.'
Thoughts and feelings don't make you ''bad"
 Actions have a right ot wrong to them.            Ami

[Sela]

Perfect!  Thanks for this Bear!!

Today I (well, actually, last night) I, felt "bad" for posting, on this site, the email I received from a friend ("Heaven is a busy place") because I felt like I was telling people what to do (be thankful).  I should delete that post in case it offends anyone.  I'm probably going to get a few nasty replies for posting that.  I should be focussing on specific Nstuff and not be wasting people's time with fluffy emails.  I'm most likely being too wishy washy and should be more serious.

Reverse thought:  Today (last night) I felt good because I shared something I found to be a good reminder with others who might also appreciate the reminder.  I'm not telling people what to do but instead passing on an email that I found helpful, hoping it will help someone else.  I added a comment to hopefully prevent offending anyone and I will likely get some positive replies for posting that email.  I posted on the "anything" thread since it's not specifically Nstuff but even then, in a way, it does apply because N's teach us that "they" are our sole providers/who we must answer to/rely on/be grateful to and that's just hogwash.  It's a serious matter to retrain ourselves to think outside the Nbox and really appreciate a much bigger picture and give thanks for some of the simple blessings in life.  N's want all the credit, sometimes for our very existance and that is just wrong.

Thanks again,

Sela

[Ami]

Dear Sela
 That surprises me that you would have self doubt about  posting. When I saw it I thought,"That is wonderful "
  *I* have self doubt over  simple things. It is the legacy of the NM and her humiliation and no win situations.
  It made us afraid like animals who were beaten.
  I want my sanity back so badly.
  Thanks for being so honest.     xxoo   Ami

[bearwithme]

Awesome Sela.  You did good! I appreciated that email you posted, BTW.

Today I I felt less than par because I measured my husband, me and my daughter up to other family members who have more money and are given more opportunities.  I felt embarrassed as I just heard that my brother-in-law and sister-in-law have just made a ton of money and are able to pay for their children's college already and they are only 3 years old  and also buy a big house of their dreams, whereas, me and my husband are just getting by and we can't even save for my 2 year old's college fund just yet and we can't really afford a nice house.  I felt bad about our situation.

Reverse thought: I felt proud that me and my husband are really nice people and we love eachother.  I'm glad I'm not mean like my sister-in-law as she's rude and obnoxious and very righteous.   I felt okay hearing about the other family members getting a lot of money because I know our is coming, some day.  I was actually happy for the brother-in-law and his wife and kids,  why shouldn't I be.  I feel good that we are where we are supposed to be right now because God has a plan for us.  We are also very healthy and have a good healthy child.  I feel good that we have more than most and our money covers our needs, plenty.

[bearwithme]

I liked your input Teartracks.  Makes sense, doesn't it!

Dear(( Bear)))
 My hardest thing  is thinking *I* am BAD when I have "bad"thoughts. My M is in my head pervading my thinking . So, when I have a bad thought ie selfish, petty, judgemental,egocentric etc, I say 'Everyone has bad thoughts.'
Thoughts and feelings don't make you ''bad"
 Actions have a right ot wrong to them.            Ami

You can give it a try whenever you want Ami.  I agree that thoughts and feeling don't "make" you bad.  That's just the thing.   But somehow our think is perpetuated by a lot of negative self reflection.  We need another mirror to look into.  We all have that voice inside us that is beautiful and positive, we just suppress it too much and way too often.  This feels good for me because I get to write it down as PROOF.

[BonesMS]

I have to do some thinking.

Bones

[Sela]

Oh Ami!  I have self doubt over simple things, over complicated things and over everything inbetween.
And worst.....I hardly ever say so.

I see what you mean too.  I guess I haven't thought about it much but it is....fear based.  So much is based on fear and I keep preaching to myself and anyone who'll listen....not to make decisions based on fear and here I'm doing it all the time.  I don't know how many times I have typed a big long post, then highlighted and pressed delete.   Mostly the thoughts I'm having at those times are that my words are worthless or silly or something similar.

I have all of these thoughts but I guess I can safely keep with my original belief that fear based decisions aren't usually good because although I think the thoughts, I don't usually cave in to them or act on them.
Often, I have the reverse thoughts too (I am good at arguing with myself) and I am quite often able to move along without completely beating myself to a pulp.  It's just that I do throw a good few punches and I do that with regularity.
 
Anyway thanks for appreciating that other post and for commenting there.

Thanks to you too Bear for posting at that other post too.  This might seem unbelievable but here goes:

Today, I felt bad after I posted to this thread because I forgot to say thankyou to the people who had posted to my "Heaven is a busy place" post on the "Anything" thread.  How could I forget to say thanks?  What an idiot I am!!    That was rude and I was so busy being self-centred I forgot about the people who bothered to give me positive feedback.

Reverse thought:  Today, I did feel bad for forgetting to say thanks but after I thought about it for a little I realized it's ok.  I'm not perfect and I don't remember everything (even my manners) all of the time and no one will die because of it.  I did my best to respond to this thread in an honest and thoughtful way and so I felt good about it, after all.

Sela

[Ami]

Dear Sela
 I was surprised when you expressed self doubt over the post cuz I see you as "stong"  and decisive. Do you appear that way to people in your 3D life?
         Ami


PS It is interesting how the people on the board seem 3D in that you get a pix of them from their writing.

[Izzy_*now*]

Today I...received a telephone call from MJ who is the physical therapist on the side of the Insurance Co for the driver who hit me, and she is in full charge of my case (which I learned last time she cut back on the hours being paid for my helpers. I didn't know SHE was in charge..no one told me.. and I called the  place where the helpers are from and learned that and had my "taken away hours re-installed).

I reversed that with confidence... I already knew I could do my excercises (on my own ones) but I didn't let her take away my physical therapist. Then I stuck to my guns with her and have kept the same gal for doing the same chores (at least until next reassessment) and when she asked how I did these things before I was injured I told her, and it came down basically that I swiveled and shifted in my hips a lot, to put chair into the car (now in running order) and to do my own FULL shopping, heavy things and all. Long explanations, move by move until I bored her into maybe seeing me next week, with Physical therapist. She is an office person who decides these things without seeing me.. just reads reports and goes by time.

[Sela]

Hi Ami,

I don't want to hijack Bear's thread so I'll answer on a new one for you.

Sela

[HeartofPilgrimage]

Multiple times every day I feel responsible for things that objectively I cannot do a thing about. If my kids say or do something that I don't think is right, healthy, productive, moral, whatever ... I think "I have failed them" or "I should keep them from doing that" (mind you, they range in age from 12 to 21, they are not little bitty any more).

I have to constantly, consciously remind myself: They are separate people, and sometimes they do things I wouldn't personally do. They have a right to be separate people. With regards to the kids still at home under my care, I can make it uncomfortable for them to do wrong, but I can't "make" them do right. With regards to the ones that are grown, I am only responsible for myself (and for loving them and praying for them).

It became obvious where I got my trouble separating out whose responsibility is what, when I said to my own mother, "You can't make anybody else do anything; even with little kids, if they choose to disobey you, you can only impose consequences that make it uncomfortable for them to continue in their misbehavior. You can't MAKE anybody do anything." She REFUSED to cede this point. Now in her 70s, she still believes she can MAKE people do stuff! When she heard me say the above, she reacted as if I was abdicating my responsibility to my kids. No wonder I have distorted perception about what is my responsibility and what is not!!!

So, my thought for today was: My kid did something I think was irresponsible and it is my fault.

My "healthier thought" is this: My child chose to do something irresponsible today. I am aggravated with him, and he will have to accept the negative consequences of his behavior, but his behavior was his own choice. I respect his God-given capacity to make his own choices.

[bearwithme]

Heartofpil: that's a good one 

I have to come back later with one of mine...