Multiple times every day I feel responsible for things that objectively I cannot do a thing about. If my kids say or do something that I don't think is right, healthy, productive, moral, whatever ... I think "I have failed them" or "I should keep them from doing that" (mind you, they range in age from 12 to 21, they are not little bitty any more).
I have to constantly, consciously remind myself: They are separate people, and sometimes they do things I wouldn't personally do. They have a right to be separate people. With regards to the kids still at home under my care, I can make it uncomfortable for them to do wrong, but I can't "make" them do right. With regards to the ones that are grown, I am only responsible for myself (and for loving them and praying for them).
It became obvious where I got my trouble separating out whose responsibility is what, when I said to my own mother, "You can't make anybody else do anything; even with little kids, if they choose to disobey you, you can only impose consequences that make it uncomfortable for them to continue in their misbehavior. You can't MAKE anybody do anything." She REFUSED to cede this point. Now in her 70s, she still believes she can MAKE people do stuff! When she heard me say the above, she reacted as if I was abdicating my responsibility to my kids. No wonder I have distorted perception about what is my responsibility and what is not!!!
So, my thought for today was: My kid did something I think was irresponsible and it is my fault.
My "healthier thought" is this: My child chose to do something irresponsible today. I am aggravated with him, and he will have to accept the negative consequences of his behavior, but his behavior was his own choice. I respect his God-given capacity to make his own choices.