I can't believe she did this

[Twoapenny]

Bones ((((((((((()))))))))))))))Hugs to you.  Do you know what is really bizarre, I am now telling people about what he did - people I've known since I was young and who know him as well - and every single one has said they're not suprised, they always thought he was really creepy.  It seems the only person who thinks he is a saint is my mum   Thanks for your thoughts

Ames, yes, you're right.  I know in my head I'm doing the right thing but my heart is telling me I'm a bad, disgusting liar who should have kept quiet.  I am telling my heart to put a sock in it!!  Hugs to you (((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))

Judy, I do think my mum is at the crazy end of the scale.  What's really ironic is that, from a mental health point of view, I'm actually the healthiest in my family.  I realised I had problems, I sought help and I've worked really hard at all of it.  Because I'm the only one with a 'known' problem, though, i'm the one that's labelled a nutter!  My mum's completely cracked but she's never done anything about it so no-one professional knows that.  She is incredibly manipulative and very, very good at having people believe what she tells them.  Things like the incident you mention with your sister's friend do stay with you for years; that's really scary for a child.  Thanks for your thoughts, and hugs to you (((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))

Hops, the thing I'm most impressed with is that you can cross things out on the computer, how did you manage that?? lol   Yep, it's that old battle between head and heart - I know it's the right thing to do, I know what he did was absolutely wrong, I know he may have done it to others and may still be doing it but there is a little part of me that can hear my mum telling the police that I'm crazy, I've always been evil, she's suffered for years coping with my lies and my mood swings, I'm jealous of her and my step-dad and on and on it goes.  It's my friend's daughters funeral today as well so it's lots of emotion to cope with.  But I know I've done the right thing and you have all been such a huge help to me, a thousand thank yous and hugs to you ((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Ami]

Ames, yes, you're right.  I know in my head I'm doing the right thing but my heart is telling me I'm a bad, disgusting liar who should have kept quiet.  I am telling my heart to put a sock in it!!  Hugs to you (((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))[/quote]



What happens is OUR self concept goes it to the toilet . THEN, we can be abused by them all they want cuz we don't fight back! Fight, Sweetie!!!        xxxoo  Ami

[Hopalong]

I think it's quite realistic to recognize that she will be doing this:

there is a little part of me that can hear my mum telling the police that I'm crazy, I've always been evil, she's suffered for years coping with my lies and my mood swings, I'm jealous of her and my step-dad and on and on it goes.

And proceed anyway, because you are an adult woman with every human right to make this strong decision.

(My Nbrother did a vicious smear campaign against me--neighbors, church, legal authorities. I fought for myself and asserted myself anyway. And I'm prevailing.)

There just
comes
a
point...

When you are not afraid any more, or even if you ARE afraid, you learn to keep walking through it.

I still fear him, some. But it is no longer stopping me. And it never will again. My sense of injustice got so powerful that it gave me strength. And that first decision, to fight for myself as calmly as I can...

love
Hops

[BonesMS]

Bones ((((((((((()))))))))))))))Hugs to you.  Do you know what is really bizarre, I am now telling people about what he did - people I've known since I was young and who know him as well - and every single one has said they're not suprised, they always thought he was really creepy.  It seems the only person who thinks he is a saint is my mum   Thanks for your thoughts

Ames, yes, you're right.  I know in my head I'm doing the right thing but my heart is telling me I'm a bad, disgusting liar who should have kept quiet.  I am telling my heart to put a sock in it!!  Hugs to you (((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))

Judy, I do think my mum is at the crazy end of the scale.  What's really ironic is that, from a mental health point of view, I'm actually the healthiest in my family.  I realised I had problems, I sought help and I've worked really hard at all of it.  Because I'm the only one with a 'known' problem, though, i'm the one that's labelled a nutter!  My mum's completely cracked but she's never done anything about it so no-one professional knows that.  She is incredibly manipulative and very, very good at having people believe what she tells them.  Things like the incident you mention with your sister's friend do stay with you for years; that's really scary for a child.  Thanks for your thoughts, and hugs to you (((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))

Hops, the thing I'm most impressed with is that you can cross things out on the computer, how did you manage that?? lol   Yep, it's that old battle between head and heart - I know it's the right thing to do, I know what he did was absolutely wrong, I know he may have done it to others and may still be doing it but there is a little part of me that can hear my mum telling the police that I'm crazy, I've always been evil, she's suffered for years coping with my lies and my mood swings, I'm jealous of her and my step-dad and on and on it goes.  It's my friend's daughters funeral today as well so it's lots of emotion to cope with.  But I know I've done the right thing and you have all been such a huge help to me, a thousand thank yous and hugs to you ((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TwoAPenny)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Given that the police have a PICTURE of this b*stard EXPOSING HIMSELF TO A CHILD, NWomb-Donor is going to have a H*LL of a hard time EXPLAINING or RATIONALIZING THAT!!!   

Bones

[Twoapenny]

Hi Everyone,

I am feeling really strong!  It's been over 24 hours - I haven't heard from the police yet but I know they've been round there because I had an email from my sister who stopped speaking to me when I told her about the abuse four years ago.  I panicked initially, but then thought about the proof that I have.  Apart from my own memories and recollections I have:

The photograph
Two therapists and a psychiatrist who have all said, at various times, they would be happy to write something giving their professional opinion that I am being truthful
One lady at Victim Support and two at Rape Crisis who have believed me.
My sister who believes me (and her husband and their grown up children)
Numerous friends now who believe I am telling the truth, along with some who know my step-dad and who weren't suprised at what I told them
Three police officers - whilst they haven't been great they are doing something now and they have said they believe me, it's just hard to prove
All of you!  Who have been wonderful

And I thought about all the trouble my mum has caused in the past and, whilst it was horrendous and very stressful, I did prove, every time, that she was lying.  So 24 hours on, the world hasn't ground to a halt, I haven't been struck by lightening and nothing terrible has occured.  And I'd even go so far as to say I do feel I could handle any accusations she throws at me.  I suddenly don't feel so scared any more?  It's a bit like learning a magician's trick - you know how once they show you how it's done you see there's nothing mystical or powerful about it, it's just a process that someone has learnt and practised until they are very good at it.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Hugs to all of you.  I know I may feel differently, but at the minute I feel good and I am hanging on to that.  Thank you to everyone, you are wonderful people xxx

[lighter]

((((Twopenny)))

I'm so glad you're feeling strong right now.

It comes and goes...... but you keep gainting strength as you go along.

Stay in contact with the people who support you..... your sister and friends.

Don't withdrawl, if you can help it.

Have you organized all the paperwork between you and your mother's dealings?  The proof that your mother's been lying and causing you and your son harm?

It's so difficult to explain, I understand.

Is all the paperwork in some kind of order, so it's easy for you to present and explain?

Perhaps you can address that in the future...... in court?

I forget if you have a Order of Protection from her and your SF?

I'm so proud of you.....

you're a good mama, two penny.

Take care,

M02

[Twoapenny]

Hi M02,

The paperwork's kind of in order, it's not perfect but put it this way, with 24 hours notice I could pull enough together to show that she's lied in the past.  There's currently no protection order; I've been advised they'd have to try and contact me twice before I can get an injunction, so far nothing.  I've had an email from my other sister (who is firmly in my step-dad's camp) calling me a liar and saying I'm ruining their lives; it did upset me but I've emailed back saying I know what the truth is and that's enough for me; I think I will just ignore anything else.  I can block her email address if I need to.

I am hoping to take legal action at some point - I have to keep reminding myself that the rest of my family are in this denial thing where they genuinely can't apply logic to a situation - ie it would make no sense at all for me to suddenly make this up out of the blue and go running off to the police.  But I am focusing on the people that do believe me and trying to keep my head together. 

Thanks for your support - hugs to you (((((((((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))

[BonesMS]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((TwoAPenny)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones

[Twoapenny]

Thanks Bones (((((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))

I'm actually feeling pretty good!  Apart from a few emails which haven't been dreadful there's been no hassle and I actually was just out and my step-dad drove past me.  I stared right at his window and didn't feel scared of him for the first time ever.  Usually I look away but not any more.  I couldn't see whether he was looking or not as it was getting dark but it felt nice to not be frightened or look away quickly.

Hugs to you.  I'd love for them to get enough proof to charge him but even if they can't, I'm glad I've reported it and I feel much stronger for doing so.  You were all right; it's mostly your own fear that holds you back.

Hugs to all ((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Ami]

(((((Twoapenny))))                               xxoo  Ami

[Twoapenny]

Thanks Ami xxxxxxx

There seems to be an interesting development - I say seems because it hasn't been confirmed to me yet so it could turn out to be incorrect.  But I've been told today that my parents told the entire family three years ago that I had reported my step-dad to the police and that they investigated and concluded that he was innocent.  Now I know for a fact I've never reported him before and the police ran a check and no-one else has ever reported him so there's no way that could be a misunderstanding - they've deliberately lied.  I haven't been able to speak to the police about this yet as it's the weekend here and I can't contact them, but to me this is interesting.  I know it still isn't clear proof but it would suggest that they have deliberately given out false information to discredit me - and why do that if you've nothing to hide?  Will let you all know if anything comes of it.

Thanks again to all for your support,

Twoapenny xx

Someone asked a while ago why I'd chosen the user name 'Twoapenny.'  In the UK you use the term 'twoapenny' to refer to something very cheap and easily disposable - ie, you can get two of these for one penny (our lowest value coin).  That's how I've always felt about myself.  I'm starting to feel different though - a name change may be on the cards!

[Still Ticking]

Maybe Platinum would be a good new name! 

I'm new to the board but I wanted to send a HUGE HUG across the pond, Twoapenny.  I'm inspired by your courage!

Love,

Still Ticking

[BonesMS]

Instead of "TwoaPenny", how about "Gold Pressed Latinum"?

Bones

[lighter]

Twopenny:

I think a name change is in order too!  Can't wait to see what you come up with: )

As for Sister sending negative e-mail..... I'm worried that she has little ones around your step-father.

My heart wants you to share a neutral e-mail, with all the proof, photos and information backing up your position, that might stay in her mind, esp if she's trying very hard to deny any niggling feeling that something truly is wrong with her father.

That's all you can do.

You can't save people from themselves.

As for children..... we're morally obligated to save them, if we can.

I agree, it is interesting that your mother and sf were so proactive in undermining any future claim you might make to the police.  I wonder how much your mother knows.  It would seem they've discussed it enough to plot and act.  Do you know whether she believes he did these things, or is in denial? 

Every day you remain strong and firm, calm and committed, you're teaching your son to do the same.

If you stumble, you teach him how to recover and keep moving ahead.

Do you have any updates regarding your son?

Is he doing OK?

Mo2

[Ami]

Dear Twoapenny
 I think Diamond would suit you!                                  xxxxooo   Ami