I have seen Satan, and he is in my heart

[bean j]

I am feeling very very sad

[Twoapenny]

((((((((((((((((((((((((Bean))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

There are times when it's so difficult that it looks like it can't get better.  But most of us here have been there and come out again the other side.  Can you tell us what's wrong so people can try to help?  There's bound to be at least one person that's been through the same or something similar.  I've had a rough time lately and the people on the boards have got me through it - there will be people there to listen and support you.

Sending love to you,

Twoapenny xxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Ami]

(((((Bean)))))))       It is HORRIBLE to see him.It is like you have to take a million baths and still can't get clean.                        xxxxooo Ami

[Nonameanymore]

Hi Bean,

Your post made me think of M.Scott Peck's statement that Narcissism=(pure) evil.
Would you like to share some more?

I think that most of us here have been or are going through a 'dark night of the soul'.
You're not alone.

P.

[teartracks]

Dear Bean,

There is a lot of NEW in your life.  Anything we do where other people are involved could easily envelope us in what appears to us (INTJ's) to be a disordered state of affairs.  Are you remembering that as you process your new life?  Are you getting sufficient 'down' time to recharge?  Have you had any physical illnesses even mild ones these last few months that might have left residual physical results or residuals of medication? 

I'm shooting in the dark here with the idea that you may have been sucked into all the newness that has come into your life and that you could easily have forgotten your own needs.

Hugs bean...

tt


 

[Sealynx]

The good thing about feeling sad is that you are feeling your own feelings.

 I'm not sure if you are judging yourself too harshly here or just expressing the level of your pain. There are many stages of healing that involve feelings that might not seem acceptable to the judge within you.

 Know that the judge may be too harsh at this time or not fully understand the process you are going through. Most of us were taught to engage in some negative habits like self-hatred and unrealistic levels of shame. Our inner judge can be part of that habit pattern. Sharing a little more with us might help you to educate that judge so that she can be less critical of you and more helpful in the future.

[Hopalong]

Everyone has the capacity to be or do evil.
I am and have.
I generally don't and compassion's my motto...but that doesn't mean I've never gone there.

Sometimes certain forces combined with certain genes and certain trains of thought (particularly when we're in certain kinds of pain)...add up to thoughts we're shocked by, rage we never knew was so deep, etc etc.

Can you forgive yourself for being human?

Do you want to share what you thought that is so awful?

If you don't, how about accepting some reassurance...whatever it was, it is not as wicked as you think.

And it sure ain't Satan.

hugs
Hops

[Gabben]

(((((((((Beanj))))))))))

Lise

[Ami]

Thinking of you (((Bean))))               xxoo  Ami

[lighter]

Bean:

There is no complete good or complete evil, and everyone is capable of negative as well as positive thoughts.

I assume you had some negative thoughts about the birth mother manipulating step daughter?

That you're actions remain positive....

that you continue trying to heal and do no harm, is the important thing.

Don't allow negative passing thoughts to create doubt about good and evil inside yourself.

That's not helpful, is it?

Mo2

[Ami]

  Trust yourself (((Beansie)))                                               Ami

[bean j]

I empathize with abusers.  Because I see I am no better than them.

My fiancee/husband, whatever, is sexually abusing his daugther.  It came to be suddenly, like coming out of a fog.  I asked him to move out, he did.

This is the worst possible pain I have ever felt.  She is me and I am her and she is only 6.  I'm having a flashback to a memory of kindergarten.  I've been having it in my (now ex's) presence ever since I met him.  It came up in hyponotherapy.  I thought it was a safe memory, a good one.

This person is safe and terrifying all at once.  He is good and evil and I realized I am no better.  All the pain of my childhood is flooding back.  I want to die.

bean

[getnbtr]

((((((((((((((((((((Bean))))))))))))))))))))

You are coming out of the fog and feeling your feelings. Keep posting.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
getnbtr

[getnbtr]

There are so many people here on this board that can help you. People with similar experiences. This is one that I don't have knowledge of, but I can truley feel the pain in your words. Take some deep breaths for now and know that you will be ok. Coming out of a fog is paralizing, that I do know. Take good care of yourself Bean. You are not alone here.

getnbtr

[Hopalong]

Bean, this is devastating.

Don't face this alone.

Is she safe?

Are you?

I am glad you told us what happened.

You aren't him, you haven't done this...why are you equating yourself with him?

I am terribly, terribly sorry for your lost dream.

And mostly for his little girl.

Would it help to tell us the steps you have to take?

Need a tribe of Amazons?

Has legal action begun, and is she safe?

I am very very sorry for this heartbreak. What a betrayal. What a shock for you.

You will survive this. We get as many chances to love as we want in this life.

This doesn't predict anything.

But it's a godawful chapter.

I'm so sorry.

Hops