Hell is other people

[Portia]

well, many other people, but definitely not all.

But hey, sometimes! Sometimes I have just had *enough*. That's damn well all! That's it!

I don't need to say why or when or who or what.

Just the great mass of OP who fuck up, who act stupidly, who lie, who manipulate, who just act out....just like I have done,yeah!

But I don't give a sod right now about my faults. No! Many, many people piss me off, big time!

Aurggggggggggghhhhhhhh!

That is *much* better....

ahhhhh. Night.

[Ami]

Dear(( Portia))
 I think that we are too innocent ,as I wrote to Bear, when we have N parents. We are too busy protecting ourselves from THEIR evil to learn about the realities of life such as evil in other people out there.
 I had a 3D experience of it, today.
 I handled myself well cuz I killed the girl with kindness even though I wanted to rip her head off and still do.
 I realize I have to find a way to respond that I can feel self respect even if the person acts like a jerk. That is the key as far as I can see,now.    xxxooo   Ami

[teartracks]

Portia,

Good to HEAR from you!

tt

[HeartofPilgrimage]

I absolutely know what you mean. For me, it is women. The women on this forum are healing to me because every time I think I've put my distrust of other women to rest, another woman comes along and stabs me in the back. So although the men here are wonderful, I get so much out of the women that understand where I'm coming from.

A friend of mine was just listening to me last week as I vented my temper over my situation with my soon-to-be-ex- daughter-in-law and her mother. Then he told me I needed to deal with ... what he referred to as ... my "BS" beliefs about other women. Of course he's right. But sometimes you just need to let off steam!!!

One of the things I LOVE about the internet and modern technology is I have been able to overcome many of my dysfunctional beliefs about women by having a "distance friendship" with several women (and then there's this forum, which is so cool) ... I let them get close gradually and have learned my beliefs about other women are (by and large) BS.

I've had a flare-up of the old beliefs lately but I refuse to let them sabotage my newfound friendships!!! Narcissists are not going to ruin my relationships with other people, I won't let it happen.

[Ami]

Dear Heart
 I had an experience with a catty woman ,yesterday. I wanted to wring her neck. Instead, I acted nice but let her know I KNEW her game. I felt like I respected myself . That was my only recourse.
 I could not kill her so short of that I needed to do what *I* could feel self respect in doing.
   xxxooo  Ami

[bearwithme]

I understand this.  Other people can be vampires of our joy and suck it right out of us.  Truth is, they are miserable a$$ holes who feed off other people's happines.  They saying "misery loves company" was written for them.

As for women.  A lot of women irk me.  A lot of women are petty and killers of other women's faith in them.  But the women here and the women who have stayed by me are most extraordinary.  My NM is a women I don't want to ever become or be like.  I have some girlfriends who are the best people in the world and I love them.

I had a woman once tell me when I applied for a job (she answered the phones and took my call regarding the posted job), "I can't even believe you even applied for this job you're so inept."  I hung up the phone and withdrew my application/resume...hey, didn't want to work in that crazy bin!!

Bear

[teartracks]

Hi Portia,

I thought this song fit right in with your post...  Let me know what you think!

Well, you filled up my head with so many lies.
You twisted my heart till somethin' snapped inside.
I'd like to give it one more try,
But my give-a-damn's busted.

You can crawl back home, say you were wrong;
Stand out in the yard and cry all night long.
Well, go ahead and water the lawn:
My give-a-damn's busted.

I really wanna care.
I wanna feel somethin'.
Let me dig a little deeper:.
No, sorry: nothin'.

You can say you've got issues, you can say you're a victim.
It's all your parents fault,I mean after all you didn't pick 'em.
Maybe somebody else has got time to listen:
My give-a-damn's busted.

Well, your therapist says it was all a mistake:
A product of the Prozac and your co-dependent ways.
So who's your enabler these days?
My give-a-damn's busted.

I really wanna care.
I wanna feel somethin'.
Let me dig a little deeper:.
No, still nothin'.

It's a desperate situation, no tellin' what you'll do.
If I don't forgive you, you say your life is through.
C'mon, gimme somethin' I can use:
My give-a-damn's busted.

Well, I really wanna care.
I wanna feel somethin'.
Let me dig a little deeper:
No, Man sorry.
Just nothin', you know.
You've really done it this time, ha, ha.
My give-a-damn's busted.

[Portia]

Hi all, lovely.

Ami:  I realize I have to find a way to respond that I can feel self respect even if the person acts like a jerk

"1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10....really? So tell me more. Wow, look at the size of that cat! Gotta rush..."...works sometimes. Kindness works sometimes. Blank looks too. Psycho burrowing-into-your-brain eyes is reserved for the most extreme circumstances!

Yeah, we were lied to, as they were, etc etc. Sadness. I just re-read Drama of Child, again. Made a lot more sense this time around. I feel I've almost got as much of me as maybe I need. Maybe not. We'll see.

[Portia]

Heart of pilgrimage:
I love this:
Narcissists are not going to ruin my relationships with other people, I won't let it happen

Yeah!!!!! Too right. As for attitudes towards women, I think while I have greatly benefited from the advances in equality (in my country), I've not understood what it is to be female. I've not understood the male/female split in society (or I've understood the basics, the primitive, and not the social). The 'sisterhood' women's lib type of 'all women together' (against men!) has always turned me off. I tend to identify with men as now being put-down and stripped of rights. Sexism towards men is awful now. Women can be ...well, it seems to me, the way that women choose to be 'nasty' is very different from the way men do it. I prefer the male way, which seems more direct and understandable to me - in a primitive sense. I'm not into sending armies to war but I undertsand the need for a two-person fight. Women can be so underhand, and appear to use relationships, to use other people, in their war-making. I'm rambling. Maybe I've only noticed the disturbed women. Yes, quite possibly.

There are way too many disturbed people around. This is an ongoing realisation!

[Portia]

Bear
"I can't even believe you even applied for this job you're so inept."  "yeah you're right! I'm a mystery job applicant, I was testing your ability to deal with idiots in a personable and empathic way! Wanna guess how you did?" (this is an unmade Dilbert cartoon)
Nice one.

TT! Thanks for listening....I like 'my give-a-damn's busted'. Reminds me of a wee gif I have. It's a small dialogue box with one of those 'processing' countdown timers on it.
"Preparing to give a damn...please wait" (countdown timer moves forward) oh I can't remember the rest! Something like "Action aborted, damn not granted, please try later". I guess you gotta see it.

Yes, mmm. Well. I posted here at the top because .... I was soooo frustrated and angry, not with someone who had affected me directly, but because I'd worked out what had happened to someone else, and why it had happened and it was so emotionally abusive and stupid: and the effects were obvious. It made me mad. And I could do nothing about it. Emotionally abusive mothers: what they do to their children. How their children react. All startlingly obvious. And also the exact situation was too close to some of my own experiences...so a bit of a mindful meltdown. And why not indeed.

A product of the Prozac and your co-dependent ways.
So who's your enabler these days?
that's pretty funny! Thanks.

[bean j]

(((((((((((((((((Portia))))))))))))))))))

I finally realized this last relationship was me trying to marry my mother.  I also think I have enough strength.  Doesn't mean I like the way the world is at times, but I do get a choice in how I respond and who I let in.

hang in there buckaroo

[Hopalong]

Portia, Bean...

I'm really glad to hear your voices.

Hops

[Portia]

Thanks Bean and Hops.

Yes choices. Lots of em too.

[Portia]

TT
I watched: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFG9dwolo3Q
whoo-hoo, rock-country chick kicks ass! It may be about a man (that's acceptable and palatable eh?), but those lyrics fit alright.

Except perhaps for the part about forgiveness. Not sure mine wants that: I think it's more about reputation control. Hell, mine wouldn't conceive that there is anything in her to forgive! True, not ever. Even if she thought she might be responsible for manipulating someone psychologically into committing a murder, she would not feel any guilt, or responsibility. Fact... or maybe that's just opinion! Oh who cares.

But: when a mother starts weeping on seeing one of her adult sons, for absolutely no logical reason, in an office environment, and heck, you know damn well why she's doing it, and you know this ain't the first time, hang on......I'm managing to get myself riled up again. And the consequences of those actions? Children don't react well to mothers weeping. Even if they know intellectually that it's bullshit (and they might not say so, exactly, just hint), even if they know that: of course, they still feel emotionally responsible in some way. Self-medication ensues. I've seen my mother weep twice: once when her mother died and we got the news (she turned into a 3 year old), and twice, when I left home. Smiley tears! Now look at her. She is ruined. She has made choices that have taken her further down the ruination route. And with some things, there's no turning back, they've fucked it. So, yes, nice tune and darn good lyrics! Thanks again.

[Ami]

Great song for the NM!!!!!!    My Give a Damn is Busted.                Ami