This is the answer tp our dilemmas, I think.We could not see ourselves cuz we were not mirrored OR we were mirrored a BAD self, the spit off one of the NM.
Exactly. It is a huge part of our dilemma. If we were mirrored a "bad self" as well as NO self, then that is partly why we had to invent a self (self deception) and since our *I* did not get the chance to fully separate from our mom as a *private I* we can still be enmeshed with her beliefs and mirroring taking them on as our own and ourselves.
If our mom was not there then we felt we were not there; we wanted to be in the
presence of our mom, even if her love was tainted, just like we want to now be in the presence of someone we love or feel an attraction to, to see their face that loves us.
If our mom was not there then we felt we were not there, we felt
not seen, we go through life seeking to be seen and with the world as our compass - seeking faces of affirmation and validation. Because the world is a faulty compass, a "Broken or fallen world" we so easily buy into what we think we have to be or have to be really SEEN, such as celebrity stardom shine - scholarly and talent achievements, expensive possessions that prove our worth, the worlds view of worth, not God's view.
If our worth as a child was mirrored as
bad or nothing, as we came to believe our emotional needs of love and validation were bad or nothing, we then OVER inflat our achievements or possessions, we tend make them
us as we came to identify our emotional needs, or lack of, as ourselves OR us. We make our adult achievements who we are, we make things or talents who we are rather than just there, as gifts from God.
So, we spend our lives looking, looking for someone or something to mirror our true self to us.
We are searching for our OWN face! Ami
Exactly. As I said above, we become super performers or achievers, we want to shine to get what we never got, the look of shine and spark of love that we were supposed to be to our parents, the apple of their eye or spark of gleam that we wanted them to mirror back to us, rather than that we were bad, our feelings, thoughts, needs, etc.
Ami, we were made for God, designed for love, His love that shines through others who are also vessels of the spirit, vessels of pure and genuine love, that can love us not disordered as our parents did but just LOVE us as we are, even when we are needy, broken and disordered.
That face that I know we are all looking for is not just a face in THIS world but a face of heaven, the next world. What we really seek deep down, is the face of God, for He will look at us in a way that we cannot comprehend, especially us from wounded histories, we, the walking wounded have to return to God to heal us so that we can even begin to comprehend His love.
We crave true and real love, the pure and real love that only God can give. It is why they in the spiritual life call it the mountain climb, like Moses, recall after he went up to the mountain and returned his face was gleaming with light, too much light for this world, for he had seen God, even if it was only the Back of God.
It is a very hard journey back into our souls, our past, like salmon swimming up stream to return home to mate. It is hard, but we are seeking to mate with God, to return to His love.
If we allow ourselves to get lost, to buy into the world then we may forever be lost.
