Author Topic: Know Thyself  (Read 2851 times)

Ami

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Know Thyself
« on: January 12, 2010, 03:23:57 PM »
I think that so many problems come from projection of our inner qualities outward. I am the last one who wants to look at myself.
 I want myself to be pure  and I am not.
 The hardest part  is seeing  my own egocentricity and selfishness and being OK with it .Of course, I can add the other qualities  like jealousy, pride etc.
 If you can't accept the worst in yourself, you will project it outward . You will keep wondering WHY life is not working.
 I think once you can accept the worst parts of yourself, you can have a sweetness borne of reality.
 Can anyone relate?       
 
 
« Last Edit: January 12, 2010, 03:40:21 PM by Ami »
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2010, 06:18:38 PM »
I think that so many problems come from projection of our inner qualities outward. I am the last one who wants to look at myself.
 I want myself to be pure  and I am not.
 The hardest part  is seeing  my own egocentricity and selfishness and being OK with it .Of course, I can add the other qualities  like jealousy, pride etc.
 If you can't accept the worst in yourself, you will project it outward . You will keep wondering WHY life is not working.
 I think once you can accept the worst parts of yourself, you can have a sweetness borne of reality.
 Can anyone relate?      
 
 

How beautiful.

Looking at ourselves takes courage. The voice of pride says "you need not look in but only out," the voice of fear seems to drive the force of pride saying "don't look it will hurt, it will be too much."
 Something like that.

Pride seems to want to push truth of myself down, not facing what wants to come up, the good the bad and the ugly.

Pride blinds us to seeing ourselves as we really are.

A priest once pointed out to me that Jesus cured many many case of physical blindness in His healing work, perhaps more than any other illness. Almost as if to make a point that we are blind in this life, spiritually blind and it is our spiritual blindness that needs to be cured.

There is another saying from a theologian who says that when we stand in the Light of Christ, we are not less aware of our sins but more aware. When we come to Christ, His light illuminates our souls, gives us the light to see ourselves as He sees us, yet still loves us, all of us, our sin, our weakness and our failings, wrongs to others - our greed, lust, envy, sloth, pride, anger and gluttony.

We don't need to clean ourselves up to be loved by Christ, He is the one that cleans us up, purifies us, we need to go to Him in our thoughts, hearts and minds, turning to him like a child to a parent in need, in order to see so that He can clean us up and then we see how much we need Him, like little children.





Portia

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2010, 08:11:17 PM »
Hi Ami, yeah, I can relate, I'm grappling with some of it right now...really human, down in the dirt stuff. In fact I'm stuffing my mouth with dirt to enjoy the feeling. Mmmmph! Boy that's good.

KatG

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2010, 08:29:06 PM »
Hi Ami,
When I first found and posted to this board, you welcomed me and mentioned you thought I could offer to the board - thank you again.  Words don’t come easy for me, but I’ve been learning.  Well, one of the things that happened right after my NH husband died, was, me taking a good hard look at myself. 

It was incredibly hard and scary.
It was incredibly rewarding.

I don’t pretend to do that continually to the best of my ability ever since, but knowing I’ve done it to some degree….   I realized that everyone had faults, made mistakes.  How could really expect myself to not?   By admitting to myself my flaws, and problems, and etc, and etc, I could then work on them, making me more comfortable with myself.  More available to my children.  Not repeating what I did the day before.  Trying again, but better, by not repeating the same mistake.  Not anywhere near perfect mind you - that impossible, and problems arise when people think they can be.

Watching yourself improve and get better is good for you.  You can’t do that if you can’t accept what needs work.

Ami

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2010, 09:08:50 PM »
What GREAT responses (((Portia ,Lise, Kat))
 You got just what I meant!
 If you don't face, you will repeat .    xxxooo  Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Ami

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #5 on: January 12, 2010, 09:59:58 PM »
I think that so many problems come from projection of our inner qualities outward. I am the last one who wants to look at myself.
 I want myself to be pure  and I am not.
 The hardest part  is seeing  my own egocentricity and selfishness and being OK with it .Of course, I can add the other qualities  like jealousy, pride etc.
 If you can't accept the worst in yourself, you will project it outward . You will keep wondering WHY life is not working.
 I think once you can accept the worst parts of yourself, you can have a sweetness borne of reality.
 Can anyone relate?       
 
 

How beautiful.

Looking at ourselves takes courage. The voice of pride says "you need not look in but only out," the voice of fear seems to drive the force of pride saying "don't look it will hurt, it will be too much."
 Something like that.

Pride seems to want to push truth of myself down, not facing what wants to come up, the good the bad and the ugly.

Pride blinds us to seeing ourselves as we really are.

A priest once pointed out to me that Jesus cured many many case of physical blindness in His healing work, perhaps more than any other illness. Almost as if to make a point that we are blind in this life, spiritually blind and it is our spiritual blindness that needs to be cured.

There is another saying from a theologian who says that when we stand in the Light of Christ, we are not less aware of our sins but more aware. When we come to Christ, His light illuminates our souls, gives us the light to see ourselves as He sees us, yet still loves us, all of us, our sin, our weakness and our failings, wrongs to others - our greed, lust, envy, sloth, pride, anger and gluttony.

We don't need to clean ourselves up to be loved by Christ, He is the one that cleans us up, purifies us, we need to go to Him in our thoughts, hearts and minds, turning to him like a child to a parent in need, in order to see so that He can clean us up and then we see how much we need Him, like little children.






This is SO where I am ,Lise. Thank you so much. If I can flip in to how God views me and away from how my NM viewed me or even what the world calls a winner or a good life, I am OK.
 You said it all here((( Lise))).  Thank you   x x o o  Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Ami

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2010, 08:56:10 AM »
I am trying to be a fearless astronaut in to "me". I have been so afraid of myself. Today, a friend wrote me a text that something was "only human". She is right. *I* had to be super human to stay away from my NM's abuse. I was always afraid of what she would do next. If I was perfect,maybe she would not hurt me as much.
 I want to be free to be just human. Does anyone know what I mean?
        Ami
« Last Edit: January 13, 2010, 09:03:05 AM by Ami »
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #7 on: January 13, 2010, 10:49:13 AM »
*I* had to be super human to stay away from my NM's abuse.

Yes. I know exactly what you are talking about, for me that superhuman looked like and felt like as if I had to just stand, silently in the face of her insults, rages, name calling, abandonment, slaps, hair pulls, not being fed, thrown in jail, taken to a mental hospital and dropped off, left there etc., ALL IN SILENCE, if I spoke, talked back, tried to stand up for myself, HAVE A VOICE, it all just made it worse, the abuse would be heaped, and shoveled and pushed on me. Even when I tried to appease her it could push her to worse, I never knew which way to turn.

Now that sounds like a superhuman being, does it not, that YOU and I could stand the abuse we took and are even alive?

I was always afraid of what she would do next. If I was perfect,maybe she would not hurt me as much.

That fear of waiting and being on constant edge I know all too well. I went to high school in terror, wondering if my mom would show up there to humiliate me, as she had done so many times before. It is called psychological terrorism, we lived on the edge when no kid should have lived on the edge.




Ami

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #8 on: January 13, 2010, 02:39:05 PM »
Sometimes I wonder how much better I can ever get.you know?                      Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

ann3

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #9 on: January 13, 2010, 03:06:51 PM »
Ami,

One day, you may awaken & feel a new door open.  Please never give up.  One day, we wake up & we just feel better.  Please never lose faith in yourself nor Gd's love for you.

xoxo,
ann

Gabben

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #10 on: January 13, 2010, 04:20:11 PM »
Sometimes I wonder how much better I can ever get.you know?                      Ami

Yes, I know. I have often wondered this myself, especially after falling and feeling really down and disgraced. But it does get better, it does. You have told me that yourself.

Ami

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #11 on: January 13, 2010, 07:18:34 PM »
Sometimes I wonder how much better I can ever get.you know?                      Ami

Yes, I know. I have often wondered this myself, especially after falling and feeling really down and disgraced. But it does get better, it does. You have told me that yourself.


I got to take my own advice,I guess :lol: :lol: :lol:.                 
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #12 on: January 13, 2010, 09:43:23 PM »
Sometimes I wonder how much better I can ever get.you know?                      Ami

Yes, I know. I have often wondered this myself, especially after falling and feeling really down and disgraced. But it does get better, it does. You have told me that yourself.


I got to take my own advice,I guess :lol: :lol: :lol:.                 

I know :D How often do I find myself saying the same thing,  "Lise -you really should take your own wisdom and advice."

Love you.

Ami

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #13 on: January 15, 2010, 07:12:04 AM »
This is the answer tp our dilemmas, I think.We could not see ourselves cuz we were not mirrored OR we were mirrored a BAD self, the spit off one of the NM.
 So, we spend our lives looking, looking for someone or something to mirror our true self to us.
 We are searching for our OWN face!                          Ami
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.        Eleanor Roosevelt

Most of our problems come from losing contact with our instincts,with the age old wisdom stored within us.
   Carl Jung

Gabben

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Re: Know Thyself
« Reply #14 on: January 15, 2010, 09:41:24 AM »
This is the answer tp our dilemmas, I think.We could not see ourselves cuz we were not mirrored OR we were mirrored a BAD self, the spit off one of the NM.
 

Exactly. It is a huge part of our dilemma. If we were mirrored a "bad self" as well as NO self,  then that is partly why we had to invent a self (self deception) and since our *I* did not get the chance to fully separate from our mom as a *private I* we can still be enmeshed with her beliefs and mirroring taking them on as our own and ourselves.

If our mom was not there then we felt we were not there; we wanted to be in the presence of our mom, even if her love was tainted, just like we want to now be in the presence of someone we love or feel an attraction to, to see their face that loves us.

If our mom was not there then we felt we were not there, we felt not seen, we go through life seeking to be seen and with the world as our compass - seeking faces of affirmation and validation. Because the world is a faulty compass, a "Broken or fallen world" we so easily buy into what we think we have to be or have to be really SEEN, such as celebrity stardom shine - scholarly and talent achievements, expensive possessions that prove our worth, the worlds view of worth, not God's view.

If our worth as a child was mirrored as bad or nothing, as we came to believe our emotional needs of love and validation were bad or nothing, we then OVER inflat our achievements or possessions, we tend make them us as we came to identify our emotional needs, or lack of, as ourselves OR us. We make our adult achievements who we are, we make things or talents who we are rather than just there, as gifts from God.


So, we spend our lives looking, looking for someone or something to mirror our true self to us.
 We are searching for our OWN face!                          Ami


Exactly. As I said above, we become super performers or achievers, we want to shine to get what we never got, the look of shine and spark of love that we were supposed to be to our parents, the apple of their eye or spark of gleam that we wanted them to mirror back to us, rather than that we were bad, our feelings, thoughts, needs, etc.

Ami, we were made for God, designed for love, His love that shines through others who are also vessels of the spirit, vessels of pure and genuine love, that can love us not disordered as our parents did but just LOVE us as we are, even when we are needy, broken and disordered.

That face that I know we are all looking for is not just a face in THIS world but a face of heaven, the next world. What we really seek deep down, is the face of God, for He will look at us in a way that we cannot comprehend, especially us from wounded histories, we, the walking wounded have to return to God to heal us so that we can even begin to comprehend His love.

We crave true and real love, the pure and real love that only God can give. It is why they in the spiritual life call it the mountain climb, like Moses, recall after he went up to the mountain and returned his face was gleaming with light, too much light for this world, for he had seen God, even if it was only the Back of God.

 It is a very hard journey back into our souls, our past, like salmon swimming up stream to return home to mate. It is hard, but we are seeking to mate with God, to return to His love.

If we allow ourselves to get lost, to buy into the world then we may forever be lost.
« Last Edit: January 15, 2010, 10:34:22 AM by Gabben »