In utero damage?

[bearwithme]

I have seen some information on hormonal/immunological and adrenaline affects on a fetus/baby when it is in utero.  The studies ranged from the affects they have on sexual orientation, gender identity and self identity issues.  It's hard to explain in a nutshell but basically, if the pregnant woman suffered some severe trauma and produced too much adrenaline the affects on the fetus can range in these directions.  New information in the medical world to explain transsexualism, homosexuality, bipolar disorder, etc.

When I was 4 or 5 months pregnant and on Easter Sunday, I had an episode with my NM which left me shaken and my heart raced and for some time until I calmed down.  I was so upset I decided right then and there to check myself into therapy for dealing with my NM.  I continued to go to therapy until the birth of my daughter.  I have to admit that during some therapy sessions, I became upset and exhausted from the realization of my life with my NM.  I felt I had to go to therapy for the sake of not wanting to feel the way I did on that Easter Sunday and for the sake of my unborn child.  I thought I was doing good by my baby and trying to acquire some tools to handle my NM a little bit better than I was, especially being pregnant and wanting to be healthiest I could be.

But now, I'm thinking that maybe all that therapy and digging up all that dirt and emotions perhaps produced too much adrenaline in my system and my daughter will possibly have some developmental issues, so to speak.  Did she suffer from in-utero trauma with my emotions?????

I know this sounds weird and I may be over the top worried, but maybe I did the wrong thing instead of the right thing.  Any one have take on this?  Or even know what I'm talking about?

These docudrama things always get me all riled up.

Bear

[Ami]

Dear (((Bear)))
 When you are a new M, you can get an idea in your head about the baby and it brews and brews until you are in a panic. I think all mother's do it and we who had NM"s do most things off the scale from other people.
 Sweetie, I can tell you are a wonderful mother! I can tell by how you write that you are a kind, sweet person. That is what a baby needs.
 x o x o   Ami

[HeartofPilgrimage]

Bear,

I deleted a long message with a whole boatload of info in it ... because in the end it seems like you don't need more info as much as you need reassurance that you did the right thing. Well, I vote that you did the right thing. Taking care of our own stuff helps our kids.

[bearwithme]

Heart:  I would of loved to read your long post!  Ah well, your point is well taken and you have the wisdom to know.  I did want to get as much stuff resolved before she was born so I would have a backup plan should my NM try to take over.  My therapy worked in the long run and I don't regret going at that time.  Just worried about the emotional stuff, etc.  I guess it's better to let it out than to keep it bottled up.

Ami:  You always have such sweet, reassuring words for me!!  I'm so glad other mom's worry like I do!! I always think I'm over doing it sometimes but quickly come to realize that I may be acting normal.  Hey, a point here!  My NM never acted normal so I don't even know what that is and how to identify with normal so I'm quick to judge myself on where I am placed on the "normal" scale of emotions, behavior, etc.

All in all, this medical research with the unborn fetus and the study of girl twins where one twin is heterosexual and the other becomes a transsexual man.  The mom had a life threatening accident while pregnant and the adrenaline may have affected on twin's brain and not the other.  It is all interesting and somewhat alarming.  Another set of  identical twins, one was fairly intelligent and the other had significant learning disabilities and the mother, while pregnant, was assaulted and suffered emotional trauma.

Thank you for all your support and easing my worries and fears, whether they seem silly or not to you.

  Bear

[Ami]

Dear Bear
 I think that we hold "normal" as some kind of brass ring that we are always trying to grasp. I know *I* do.I am thinking I should just accept myself as human and forget about normal.
 That is my thought for myself! Thanks for your kind words ((((Bear))))    x o x o  Ami

[Hopalong]

Hey Bear,

My take is, if you did the right thing, you should talk to yourself with great compassion.
If somebody could ever prove you did the wrong thing, you should talk to yourself with great compassion.

Our children's pain and dysfunctions break our hearts, and some of them may be because of wrong things we did.

And we still need to talk to ourselves with great compassion. Because we are children too.

You are a good mother. You did the best you knew how to do. You made mistakes like other human beings.
You were who you were and you knew what you knew. And you can never go back and create a different yesterday.

You are fine and "good enough" and there is no shame you should feel.

love,
Hops