Rebelliousness / The Inner Child

[sKePTiKal]

"uneducated guesses" are often intuition...

You asked, initially, for examples of the inner child bursting out and actually being "good" in the long run. Wish I had one - and maybe I do and it just hasn't occurred to me - but, for the most part these were more self-sabotaging acts than anything else, for me. These little "me"s can be very scared, very angry and very, very confused. They can distrust all kindness because they've learned through abuse that it usually disguises a put-down, a kick or slap, or it extends the abuser's control over one. In turn, those kinds of "leaks" - where the inner child sneaks out & acts out - can confuse people we interact with in the here & now, because the circumstances & people are completely different, yet there is something that clicks into the experience of the inner child, who now feels the freedom and motivation to finally express herself.

I'm sorry that I'm being so cryptic here. I think you're looking for real stories with the real circumstances, narrative and effects... and mine is long. I've also put all those journals away (there were 16, I think), thinking that I don't need to touch them or write more... as I have better communication (most days) with my inner child - Twiggy - and we've fused or reintegrated with each other. I could be wrong. At one point, I deleted all the posts here with the story in it. At some point, perhaps I'll re-write it in the Member's stories - but it will be different, as my perspective has changed.

tt:
there IS hope for communicating with your 2 yr old. She is simply less verbal or cognitive than you are now and won't respond to all that "noise". Try non-verbal images: like the blanket that Helen recommended - smooth her hair, rub her back, hold & rock her... and don't expect her to instantly verbalize her story to you. She might be still quite hurt about her abandonment; but you'll know that she's developing some trust of you, if that little hand reaches out to pat or caress you affectionately. Right now, she only knows the safety of the maze. It'll take some time to show her she can be safe in the sunshine... and she'll begin to wake up.

[Portia]

Swimmer

My inner child is being true to myself, which can feel like a rebellion because I was punished for being true to myself. 

Exactly. Punished for being different to them! Maybe because I did that young, it gave me the confidence to do it as I acquired adult powers too, to stand up against bullies, to know my rights etc.

My memory of being a child comes to me only in dreams and very rarely (but when it does, it's very important to me). I have no intention of attempting to connect with an 'inner child' that is separate to who I am now. I might connect with memories, but to treat those memories as another person......what effect does that have in/on the brain?

What comes up on the MRI when you're attempting to do that? How do you know that you're not 'creating', rather than 'remembering'? In other words, for mental stability and truth-seeking (if that's your bag), I'm not sure it's necessarily a helpful thing. Does anyone have any data/research on this work? I'd be interested.

[Portia]

All i could find is point 38 on this page: http://www.stopbadtherapy.com/myths/repress.shtml
Interesting.

[teartracks]

Logy,

Yes, a deep, maybe tucked back in a primitive brain pocket.

tt

[teartracks]

deleted

[Meh]

All I could find is point 38 on this page: http://www.stopbadtherapy.com/myths/repress.shtml
Interesting.

Yes, Portia, I am not surprised that you found a person who has the oppinion of disbelief in the "inner child". It's close to the area of spirituality/philosophy. You can debate it for years with physicists, neurologists, atheists, biologists, psychiatrists, philosophers, theologists if you wish to.

I want to steer away from a discussion about if the inner child exists or not, that is not the purpose of this thread.  This is not a philosophical debate about the nature of the human spirit, or what is real and what is not real that goes down the path of: Is there a god or no god and what is that god? Etc.  etc. etc....

For this thread I am assuming that the innerchild does exists somewhere in the human mind/body/spirit/soul.

I believe in the innerchild, I have contacted my innerchild and I am interested in other's who have had similar experiences.

I personally have learned from other's experiences of the "inner child". That's my goal here on this board, meet like-minded people and learn, get support, give support.  

Thank you,

~ Helen.

[Portia]

Hi TT, odd questions:

what would cause the mind to trick itself?  Um, not sure what you mean here in tricking itself. Doesn't the brain (same as mind, for me really) do what it needs to do to survive? Therefore it's not really tricking as such. Not sure I understand the question.

Not sure I understand the next question too: what is a divided mind?

[Portia]

Helen

I hear you telling me to back off in no uncertain terms and I feel attacked by your reply. But that's just my child-like parts talking: the parts that still want to yell: my opinion is as valid as yours! What i think is as valid as what you think! etc etc. *sigh*

If you want to own this thread and discount my voice, that's your choice. I could start a thread called: does the inner child exist or not? but I won't.

Thanks for the attack. Nicely done!

[Meh]

Helen

I hear you telling me to back off in no uncertain terms and I feel attacked by your reply. But that's just my child-like parts talking: the parts that still want to yell: my opinion is as valid as yours! What i think is as valid as what you think! etc etc. *sigh*

If you want to own this thread and discount my voice, that's your choice. I could start a thread called: does the inner child exist or not? but I won't.

Thanks for the attack. Nicely done!

Portia,

I want to feel safe discussing my inner child. I also want to discus other's experiences of the inner child. It is a sensitive subject.

That is why I requested to have a certain framework for this discussion.

I'm requesting that you are respectful by not questioning the validity of other's experiences.

Thank you.


Portia I do think you have a valid voice and a right to your own opinion. It's an interesting subject, and yes you could start another thread.  


~Helen

[Worn]

I have tried to do some inner child work.  When I tried to talk to her she was about 4.  She was scared of me, that I was going to hurt her.  She had every right to be scared.  She likes to draw pictures.  Mostly of houses on a hill.  She likes flowers, real ones, not the ones in paintings, she's very emphatic about that. 

I have had a hard time feeling empathy for my inner child.  I have disliked the child that I was.  I still struggle with this.  My T had me work on some inner child stuff.  He had me picturing something about me as a young child.  I can't remember what.  I just remember that, in my head, the adult me reached out and slapped that child to the floor.  It was an instantaneous reaction.  'That's what children get' was played in my head.  I have never hit a child in real life, and I would never, but my inner child deserved what she got.  That's what I'm working against.  That there is such a deep seated hatred of me in me.  It's ingrained and so hard to fight. 

Wow, that just makes me tired, bedtime, Worn

[sKePTiKal]

Worn: the experience you described is very important! It's a crystal clear description of how our "now" personality has internalized & adopted the attitudes & behavior of our abusers to ourselves. This is where self-sabotage comes from, I think. And you're right - even just knowing and saying this kind of experience can be emotionally draining. It is SUCH a struggle to try to repair this relationship with our selves... to apologize to our Selves; to earn the trust of that inner child; to be able to heal that relationship with ourselves. I know I felt like just giving up during the beginning.

That said, the rewards of the struggle are immense. And it's not so much a "fight"; not so much "force" or willpower or even working toward a goal that gets us there. My experience was more a softening - a letting go of "have tos", "rules", "shoulds"... of just being... and being open to where the work would lead.

As to how a self can divide... this type of dissociation happens either through trauma or through long term abuse or through a disagreeable, disturbed attachment to the primary caregiver - usually mom. Check out Daniel Schore's work on attachment & dissociation. For me, this answered the question of how this kind of separation from one's self - one's inner child - is possible. And it also provides a lot of clues to how to repair that separation; to cease being cut off from who I really am... to begin learning how to stop repeating the same abusive behavior toward myself that I endured at the hands of someone else. It is difficult reading - it's a scientific study. But the interesting points are all in plain language. The work is connected, I think, to Neuropsychology (or is it Psychoneurology???) and healing depends on the plasticity of the brain.

It wasn't that long ago that I reposted links to Certain Hope's thread (Hi Carolyn!) that started my investigations down that path. In there, I posted links to Schore's works that are available online, for anyone who's interested.

[Worn]

Was having a hard time finding the links to Schore's articles.  Found a website with three of his articles plus several others on trauma and dissociation.  Haven't read any yet, but it looks like good stuff.
http://www.trauma-pages.com/

Thanks for the reply Phoenix, Worn

[Lucky]

I found this: http://www.somaticpsychotherapy.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=58&Itemid=45

[sKePTiKal]

I thought my old posts were still hanging out here - but the one with the links isn't.

Here are some references to papers by Schore:

http://attachment.adoption.com/bonding/trauma-links.html

http://www.trauma-pages.com/a/schore-2002.php

Might be the same ones you found, Worn - check Amazon, too. He has published books, though I can't review 'em - never got around to ordering them and they're never in stock in local bookstores.

[Meh]

~~Meeting with my inner-child feels like a clandestine love affair. ~~

Probably because to even attempt to do this work goes against all that I was taught about myself.