Rebelliousness / The Inner Child

[Portia]

Hi Helen, TT

I read your replies. I don't think I have anything esle to say. Best to you both.

[Meh]

I just remember that, in my head, the adult me reached out and slapped that child to the floor.  It was an instantaneous reaction.  'That's what children get' was played in my head.  I have never hit a child in real life, and I would never, but my inner child deserved what she got.  That's what I'm working against.  That there is such a deep seated hatred of me in me.  It's ingrained and so hard to fight. 

Worn,

I have experienced a similar type of thing also, an aspect of me that is not so kind to my own innerchild.

Not only is there an inner child but there is an "inner critic" and an "inner nurturer". It's my understanding that working with the inner critic and inner nurturer helps a person form a relationship with the inner child.

[Meh]

Removed

[Worn]

I like the picture of your inner child about to headbutt you Helen.   I'm glad you two are getting to know each other.

My T was, I think, talking about my inner critic in my last session.  She says it is on steroids.  I think it has roid rage too.  She says I need to listen to what it is really trying to tell me.  And that I need to thank it for looking out for me but let it know that it goes too far.  I'm not sure about all of that, it makes sense, but I feel like that critic is my enemy.  It wants me destroyed.  Maybe she's talking about setting boundaries for the critic.  I'd like to try training it with a shock collar also.  You know, start filling my head with how I'm so worthless and I just press a button and *BBBBZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTT!!!!!*  I've literally had to shout it down, in my own head not out loud thankfully, telling it to shut up, it's wrong and I don't have to listen to this right now.  That's works for awhile, but it just waits for a moment when I'm down again and it returns whispering poison in my ear.

What are some of the ways of working with the inner critic and inner nurturer to establish a relationship with the inner child?

Phoenix, that makes so much sense about self-sabatoge coming from that taking on of our abuser's attitudes about us.  Still haven't read the articles, but they are saved on my computer.

Worn

[Logy]

Helen,
I am loving reading about your journey with your inner child.  Still trying to look inside and see if mine is still there.

Worn,
I have worked hard to address my inner critic.  At first I thought it was my "conscious" telling me how to behave.  But this conscious had me doing things that felt untrue to me and denying me as an individual.  Critic and Conscious had me trained to ignore Me because Me had no value as an individual, only as an extension of others. 

Through therapy I learned to pay attention to Me, something I had never had in my life.  So Me began the work of dividing Conscious from Critic.  My T helped me recognize Me and learn that Critic had much more control over me.  We discussed what Critic was saying.  He wrote it down as I said it.  And then we discussed more affirming, simple statements to challenge Critic.  He wrote those under Critic's comments.  All on a card I could carry around.  I pulled it out whenever Critic came into the room.  And I had an answer every time.

Conscious has now come out.  No longer shadowed behind Critic.  Conscious believes in Me.  We are enjoying getting to know each other.

[Meh]

Removed

[Meh]

Helen,
I am loving reading about your journey with your inner child.  Still trying to look inside and see if mine is still there.

I'm sure little Logy is there somewhere.

[nolongeraslave]

Looking back, I can relate to this. I was just trying to maintain my sanity and a sense of control, when others would look at me as being this "horrible kid."

I'm going to share this anyway, even though it may sound silly. 14 years ago in Alabama, black nail polish was considered HORRID.  I was treated badl by the community because of wearing it. I wore it, because I simply liked it and it made me feel comfortable.  I was trying NOT to give into my narcissistic mom's expectations. I just wasn't happy being what she wanted me to be.

Living in Boston, I see so many people wearing it. Even middle-aged moms wear it!

When I was growing up, they treated black nail polish as being satanic and what was "causing my anxiety." Give me a freaking break!  Thank God I get to do whatever I want now without hearing someone complain.

[sKePTiKal]

Thanks for the shock-collar image, Worn! 

I really like that idea because it gives me something easy to "do"; to fight back - and not just sink into helplessness - when the cesspool thoughts start to slosh around & spill out.  BBBZZZZZZTTT!!

Portia - I hope you understand that I respect your skepticism about the whole "inner child" concept. I too, doubted it and myself for quite a long time. But in the end, for me, there was no denying that something like this was "true" for me; it was something I had to face and get to know and play detective and resolve the issues.

And I do believe that there have been cases where false "inner child" memories were "created" in patients by therapists who were simply leading the patient into the fashionable theory of the day. It would be SO easy for this to happen. But in my case - all those memories, thoughts & feelings "came up" in me outside of therapy sessions. It was simply me & me... and yes, there is still plenty of room for self-deception, misunderstanding of circumstances, etc. Much of my inner child "work" was in verifying a chronology of events & dates... determining what I did know - and what I couldn't possibly know for a fact - what I remembered was as checked out as much as I possibly could. There are still places in my "story" that I can't verify with certainty - and that is another type of issue that I continue to resolve or let go even trying to resolve.

(((Portia)))

[Meh]

I was hoping to steer away from the ongoing debate regarding the credibility of a technique that I'm currently practicing since it all seems rather invalidating.

Locking this post.