Rebelliousness / The Inner Child

[Meh]

Anyone have examples of how your own rebelliousness was ultimately good for you and your "inner child".

Removed

[Portia]

It depends what sort of behaviour you mean Helen. If rebelling means going against the social grain, it depends on what the motivation is. Can you describe a little more?

[Meh]

No, I don't have one specific behaviour in mind. It's open, without a lot of parameters.

Mainly I'm thinking about when a person looks back and sees that the rebelliousness was in hindsight a positive experience when the rebelliousness was a needed experience to go through in order to evolve etc.  

[Portia]

Not sure I've been that rebellious Helen. I've always been pretty firm about not doing what I don't want to do (and what others have wanted me to do: family, school, work). Maybe it's an INTJ thing. If it's not logical, I probably won't do it. I don't care who I might annoy/upset, if it doesn't make sense (and it doesn't look in any way enjoyable or interesting), I won't hesitate to say 'no'. Some people think that's odd. Some people want to please other people and fit in. Fair enough.

I reckon rebelliousness can be a positive experience, particularly if it's unsual behaviour for you. The question is, what is anyone rebelling against? When you run out of things to rebel against, how can you be rebellious? Maybe you can rebel against death, or life?

Sorry helen, don't think I have helped any there and I may have gone off at a tangent to what you intended.

[Meh]

Sorry helen, don't think I have helped any there and I may have gone off at a tangent to what you intended.

Ahh, that's alright, how you doin' today?

The question is, what is anyone rebelling against? When you run out of things to rebel against, how can you be rebellious? Maybe you can rebel against death, or life?

I think that the type of rebelliousness I'm talking about is along the lines of the inner child fighting for it's life. Yes, the inner-child fighting against it's death.

I sort of see children of Nar-people as being like puppies that were neglected and mistreated, they have quirks now and maybe the puppies have become neurotic or something. There are beaten down puppy-mill dogs that don't ever swim in the lake or play fetch and then there is the other extreme wild wolves.

Now I don't exactly see the rebelliousness as becoming a feral animal but I see it as more of some middle of the ground place. Maybe....

If I was a neglected puppy mill puppy and was released... I would have to learn how to relate to some of my natural instincts again, I would have to bite sometimes, maybe just bark other times.

If that makes any sense.

[Meh]

Hey, thanks and hugs to all of you out there for listening to me. I think what I'm getting at does have something to do with the inner-child thing.


Years ago I use to laugh when people would talk about the "inner child" I didn't get it, it sounded "wimpy".

After posting on this board off and on for quite a while the concept of inner child is becoming more and more REAL to me and less "wimpy".

I think I'm going to try to force myself away from the board and do some inner-child work etc.

Thanks y'all.......

If anyone has suggestions about books or resources related to inner-child work let me know!
I'm not going to a therapist. I'm just going to see where I end up on my own.

[Portia]

Hey Helen, thanks for asking, I'm pretty good today   (well, yesterday now, it's late here).

Biting sometimes, barking other times, yes that makes sense. My inner child feels somewhat integrated now. (Not that I like talking about an 'inner child' too much; I would more talk about certain reactions and how I'm being during those reactions - but that's just me and how I think.)  Mostly, in tough times, life requires barking it seems, although sometimes you have to bite - neglected puppy or loved puppy - life is not a bed of roses.

I remember times when I have bitten and that was not necessary, but they were very few. Nowadays I don't bite at all, not in a rebellious way. I behave mainly like an adult with boundaries; something that some other people appear to find shocking. I can understand why though.

Just seen your post Helen. I don't think inner child work is wimpy at all. If it works for you, it works. I just don't like the separation of parts of myself, if that makes sense. Good luck!

[Logy]

Helen,

I would like to talk about rebelliousness.  I think this is a great topic for me because my siblings and I are studies in rebelliousness! 

All three of us were the perfect children, in a perfect family (so everyone thought).  But as each of us reached 12-13 years old we began experimentation that led to destructive behavior.  So as teens we really, really struggled.  And NM struggled back, not to help us, but to maintain that perfect Stepford family.  Which led us to more rebellion.  I probably did the best - most of my rebellion was secret from my parents and I maintained good grades and was active in extracurricular activities.  But everything NM told me to not do, I did.  My brothers didn't do as well, completely withdrew from the family, sullen, alcohol, drugs, run-ins with the law, running away from home.

One time I sneaked out after everyone had gone to bed and went driving around all night with friends.  I wrote a letter to an out-of-state friend and told her about it.  Silly me, before I could send it, NM found it and read it (it was in a school folder that NM went through).  So I got called into the living room by NM and dad and was talked to about it.  While dad tried to discuss it, tell me how wrong it was, NM sobbed the entire time and all she could say was "How could you do this to me?"

All of this I know now were DESPERATE cries for someone, NM, co-dad, anyone, to pay attention to us.  Not pay attention to us in an N way, but to see us as the individuals we were.

Fast forward to now.  My adult rebellion against NM - her garden is immaculately manicured.  My garden is wild, things grow freely and in whatever direction it chooses.  NM throws everything away - family momentos, yearbooks.  I save anything that has any emotional connection for me.  NM's house is spotless.  I would rather read a book than clean.

That's how I interpret rebellion.

Logy

[sKePTiKal]

The inner child....

well - in my case, it was sorta like someone hit the pause button on the movie of "me"... there was a whole me that really wasn't part of my understanding, feeling, sensation of "me". I had to get re-acquanted with that me; had to earn her trust, too... had to prove I wasn't "one of them" to her... because that part of me knew how to hide very, very well - she could simply become invisible and "stop being" through hibernation, going dormant... and she knows how to cause me trouble, if I ignore her!!

I did find ways for her to exist - now. Ways to finish growing up; to heal from her hurts... to restart her from where/when the pause button was pushed.

Hell yes - she's what would be considered "rebellious" by those who were made uncomfortable by her impertinant observations of an inconvenient, yet undeniable truth. Because of her inpenetrable walls of defense - I do X this way because it's the way I do it, even if there is a better way - she was labelled hard-headed & stubborn; rebellious. There were some adults then - and people now - who understand and appreciate that aspect of her. People who helped.

There is a literature and even language for talking about one's inner child. Some of it "fits" for me - but much of it didn't. Found I had to make up my own terms, descriptions, explanations... though not everything about a relationship with one's self is explainable. (I think it's sorta like "twin-language"). Inner child work is quite delicate and challenging - but just as rewarding as raising a child, too. Have some kindness and openness for whatever your inner child is "bringing up" right now... listen to her story. This path of work is immensely useful and powerful.

Related to it, is the body of information about attachment theory - how the mother/child bond affects one's Self, personality, etc. If you have trouble looking for inner child stuff, try getting there through attachment theory.

One of the books I started with, was "Healing the Child Within" - Charles L. Whitfield. I started with a therapist, which I think was important for me. A mom-substitute to explore my relationship with Nmom; to hold my hand and tell me it was OK - what I was feeling was natural; normal. I don't think I could've faced everything without that encouragement & safe person. It was important to me, to have someone to help me process all the stuff I was discovering about myself. I didn't quite believe what I was telling myself, ya know??? (oh... the power of conditioning and the politics of power in a parent-child relationship!)

[Meh]

Quote from children's book:

"Grown-ups never understand anything for themselves, and it is tiresome for children to be always and forever explaining things to them.  ~Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince, 1943 "

[Meh]

Ok, Three more...

"Maybe we should develop a Crayola bomb as our next secret weapon.  A happiness weapon.  A beauty bomb.  And every time a crisis developed, we would launch one.  It would explode high in the air - explode softly - and send thousands, millions, of little parachutes into the air.  Floating down to earth - boxes of Crayolas.  And we wouldn't go cheap, either - not little boxes of eight.  Boxes of sixty-four, with the sharpener built right in.  With silver and gold and copper, magenta and peach and lime, amber and umber and all the rest.  And people would smile and get a little funny look on their faces and cover the world with imagination."
 ~Robert Fulghum


"When you're green you're growing, and when you're ripe you start to rot."  ~Ray Kroc


"Adults are obsolete children. " ~Dr. Seuss

[sKePTiKal]

Sounds like spring is in the air... and you're about to embark on a personal growth spurt!

(and yes - much of the ills in the world can be cured simply by using the "big box" of crayons! LOL!)

[Logy]

Everyone has taught me something today.  Inner child.  Something I had heard of but really had no understanding of.  Teartracks, I had to read your post several times.  First, in my usual way, scanning each sentence for nouns and verbs that give me the jist at the fastest rate possible.  Hmmm, couldn't comprehend.  So I paused, read it again, a little slower.  Caught onto this as being something from deep in you.  So I walked away for 5 minutes, came back to give it my time and undivided attention.  The image of your inner child, curled tightly in that room, no recognition of you, touched a place deep in me.  I don't know what that place is.  I don't know what I'll find there.  All I know is that I need to investigate, search, learn.

Logy

[swimmer]

I think some parents of teenagers think their kids are rebelling... but they are just trying on "different coats of life".  An N parent will take the teenager's experience of trying on new ways of living personally, and call this rebellion.  My inner child is being true to myself, which can feel like a rebellion because I was punished for being true to myself.  Whenever I've been myself, my NM calls me a teenager.... Hello??? Get a grip woman, it's a GOOD thing to be separate, especially from you. 

Swimmer 

[Meh]

Hey tt:

I brought someone with me to visit "little Helen". A friend of the family that she met when she was about 12-14 yrs old and trusted and loved. When I saw little Helen she was about 5 yrs old though. So the friend of the family came back in time with me, and she also had to come visit from Heaven because she is deceased but she is the one that little Helen asked for and felt the most safe with.
Little Helen wanted to see that person more then she wanted to see me (Big Helen). I told little Helen that I missed the deceased woman also and I hugged little Helen.

~ H.


Good luck tt & thank you for sharing...

Maybe you can bring a snuggly satin blanket with you to put over the little hibernating tt, and some giraffe pillows or some security object that you had and maybe you can paint the walls of the maze your favorite color as a kid rather then gray and wait for her to wake up or talk to her like she is in a coma but can still hear? Or maybe hum to her instead of talking.

Maybe you could bring her a favorite toy or teddybear and just pile a nest of nice safe security objects around her so when she wakes up she will be around familiar safe things?

My uneducated guess is that we have to figure out what makes the "little us" feel safe and start there.