help to think clearly

[Logy]

Lupita,
I'm sorry you feel so sorry for yourself.  That must be hard.  What if you focused more on yourself rather than him?  If you want to be pampered, treat YOURSELF to a pedicure.  Cook yourself an amazing dinner - something you don't usually eat.  Don't wait for someone to pamper you - pamper yourself!!!

Logy

[HeartofPilgrimage]

Lupita, You never come across as arrogant in your posts. It is 100% okay to talk about the good things you have going for you.

[Ami]

My intuition is that your childhood issues are making you jealous and it is your issue--not him.           Ami

[Lupita]

Ami, you might be right. I just do not know what to do.

Heart, thank you. you are so nice.


I do not know what to do!!!!!!!!!!


We did not go out last night. I stayed at his house and this morning we talked to his son 30 yo who is staying with him after one year working overseas.

It was nice.  It is when other women are around and he starts with that itching flirting stopid need that he has to attract attention from other women. That is what makes me feel bad.

[lighter]

Hey Lupe:

Nice to see you posting again, though you're struggling a bit.

I wish you could rise above the situation, and look down, without emotion.

Please try not to feel threatened.

If he's a manipulator, a bounder, a cad...... you won't be losing anything real if things end.

Just an idea about a person who didn't deserve your attention.

If it's just dancing, and nothing more......

I'm confident you'll be able to identify with that and move past it.

You are a great catch, Lupe.

Don't let this guy make you doubt that.

Mo2

[Ami]

Dear Lupita
 It IS really hard to know what is FOO(family of origin) stuff and what is present. For me, I have to have a relationship where I CAN say,"I am feeling really scared ,hurt, etc. I don't know if it is real or not but this is how I feel."
Then, the other person can share from his heart like'I just need to know that woman find me attractive and it has nothing to do with my love for you."
 When that childlike wound can be heard and addressed, the angst may just go away.
 Have you ever tried to communicate just like this.
 BTW---was your facelift that bad? LOL---sorry to change the subject? By bad, I mean ==painful.             Ami

[Lupita]

OK, he did it last night in a very subtle way.

We were walking in my regular walks on the beach with my walking club. Drunk spring break students came to us. He said he was 21 and a 41 women was chasing him. He aske our opinion. My bf M said, "take me where she is"  all my friends laught. I said  -"see"?  He said, "what have you been telling your friends"?  I said, " it is in your mind" It is deply planted in your mind, and I know you are not going to get that 41 year old woman, but it is in your mind"

I felt bad but not as bad as when I see putting his chick on another woman. He wants to feel the warmness of her body or her respiration, her breath? It kills me. I have told him. I was going to decide to try to detixify my self and try to desensitize and watch him doing it against my will to see if I can learn to be a tnago dancer.

I have seen many couples that are married and dance with different partners. It is part of the environment. But I have also seen couples that devote to each other 100% and very seldom dance with other partners and keep a descent distance. I think I should be happy if I get that, but the problem is that even when he is keeping his distance, i feel bad. So, that part I have to work on my self.