Thank you, Les, and last Guest.
Right now I am coming to grips with learning, by a phone call from someone, that my NM is planning a big show and sale to get rid of the only things my NDad left me in his Will when he died a few months ago - and she plans to keep the $ b/c she was his wife, and in her sick mind, that is all that matters. What a shock! I had no idea. I have been trying to be kind to her, and told her that I would not take anything out of the house as long as she lived there, so as to avoid an upheaval. (background : she told me I inherited ZERO, but I learned a month later via seeing the will that she lied). Thus, my comments that she is a lying, backstabbing, manipulating N!
When we talk on the phone, she is ever so nice, and I got lulled into complacency once again, and I am angry with myself about that! So, tomorrow I am driving hours and hours to her hometown to see about some legalities, without her knowledge, and then driving home again.
I guess I am worn out because I am trying my best to do the right thing (that Fifth Commandment ringing in my ears and it seems to over-ride everything), to see her through to the end of her days. And I guess part of me expects the same sort of respect in return. (when will I learn?) Therefore, it always comes as a shock when I learn the extent she will go to sabotage me and my life. She is nice to my face, and stabs me in the back at the same time. Sometimes I can almost see horns and a red pointed tail.
And, I guess I have had enough, and am worn out. It is a million little things piled one atop the other, until I can't carry any more. The last thing I want is to expend more of my precious energy on her, and thus, I keep trying to wait it out, trying to tread water until she dies, all the while keeping up appearances. With no siblings, or close relatives, only dearH, I am trying just to survive. This time tomorrow, I should have a better perspective on things. Right now, I am exhausted, and resenting that I am exhausted. I am in remission from Cancer, and I'll be damned if that NM is going to get me so run down that a cancer cell gets a chance to grow. So, when I become worn down by NM and her manipulations, like I am these past few days, I become doubly angry, frightened about my health and resentful. She stole the first fifty years of my life, and I'll be damned if she steals any more.
Tomorrow is a new day, and I hope for better things. There are going to be come changes around here, come hell or high water.
Thank you for helping me keep my head above water.
Just thought of this : "The Truth shall set you free." Here's hoping.
