Too simple for this site

[Ami]

A big "me too" from me, on the topic of feeling like a fraud; an imposter. Still causes me discomfort when I want to voice opinions that I'm passionate about. The intensity of my feelings about some things are still very much tied to the old abuse buttons, and then I want to rail & rant like a charactiture (sp?) hellfire & brimstone preacher.
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Just don't do it at me---LOL.                                                                                    Ami

[bearwithme]

"So I just read back over my comments.  I'm supposed to "fix everything" but then "everyone else is smarter than me".  How is a stupid person supposed to make everyone else better?"

I haven't finished reading the posts because I stopped after I read this one by Sealynx.

This just punched me in the stomach and I can't breath.

Bear

Hey Bear... you've just had one of the double binds revealed to you. The damned if you; damned if you don't traps. These are literally breathtaking when you see them. I'll bet examples from your life are swirling around in your head. But you can breathe your way through it. Touch all your fingers together and cup your palms into a sphere, like you're holding a small fluffy kitten and do nothing but breathe deep and sl-o-o-w-w-w. Just "hold" what you see and feel in your hands until your brain has time to catch up and process all the various pieces.

A big "me too" from me, on the topic of feeling like a fraud; an imposter. Still causes me discomfort when I want to voice opinions that I'm passionate about. The intensity of my feelings about some things are still very much tied to the old abuse buttons, and then I want to rail & rant like a charactiture (sp?) hellfire & brimstone preacher.

Phoenix: A big thanks goes out to you for sharing with me your same feelings.  Amazing that our feelings about this are most likely "exact" albeit, we grew up in totally different areas, with different parents, with different siblings, at different ages, in different times, all DIFFERENT!  BUT all the same we are in this hell we lived through.  The "double bind" here is the monster that lives in my soul.  If I didn't have this experience in my life, I wouldn't be on this board and I would be a successful Doctor.  I mean that.

Bear.

[bearwithme]

Phoenix,  I'm so mad right now.

I am that fire and brimstone preacher.....yelling at my couch at the moment.

I'm arguing both sides right now of my NM and me.  We are engaged in an argument and I've gone "there" and it's not pretty.  My couch just sits there listening to us.

I'm really good at speaking in her voice (to me) and it's over.

NM wins.  Again.

Bear

[swimmer]

Hi Bear- I live this too, damned if I do and damned if I don't it seems every day lately.  I thought I was the only one feeling like an imposture.  I am relieved on this board how real my feelings are, that I'm not making this all up.... As my m would try to make me think.  The paralyzation of thought and what actually is overwhelming and I get speechless.

I live this regret over not becoming a successful doctor as well.....I have to dumb myself down at my job to hide my underachievement and actual intelligence.  I'm much smarter than I ever thought....... and even though this should be a positive thing I just boil over believing what my mother convinced me.... That I'm stupid.  I could go on and on about what that looked like but I won't. 

You are not alone Bear, those moments you are battling the NM in your head are very common for me.  I'm just now realizing these battles for me are not actually totally founded in reality.  We are not bad, and the battle will end with us on top with the truth.... The N will not know this, but they do not define what is so in the real world. 

Apologies  if I was rambling on, hope this makes sense.

[bearwithme]

Hi Bear- I live this too, damned if I do and damned if I don't it seems every day lately.  I thought I was the only one feeling like an imposture.  I am relieved on this board how real my feelings are, that I'm not making this all up.... As my m would try to make me think.  The paralyzation of thought and what actually is overwhelming and I get speechless.

I live this regret over not becoming a successful doctor as well.....I have to dumb myself down at my job to hide my underachievement and actual intelligence.  I'm much smarter than I ever thought....... and even though this should be a positive thing I just boil over believing what my mother convinced me.... That I'm stupid.  I could go on and on about what that looked like but I won't. 

You are not alone Bear, those moments you are battling the NM in your head are very common for me.  I'm just now realizing these battles for me are not actually totally founded in reality.  We are not bad, and the battle will end with us on top with the truth.... The N will not know this, but they do not define what is so in the real world. 

Apologies  if I was rambling on, hope this makes sense.

(((((((((((Swimmer))))))))))))  "I have to dumb myself down at my job to hide my underachievemnet and actual intelligence."  Wow.  I only went for jobs that required not a lot of actual thinking but a lot of "doing."  I thought that the good jobs were for smart people and that college was for smart people only.  I positioned myself for failure with no career because I was too dumb to "get it" like everyone else.  "They" were better than me all the way around and I had no chance in hell.  I had to bury my passion of biology because I was clinically depressed and had no idea...just thought I was stupid and couldn't do well in school.  I cried everyday.

I could go on and on as well, Swimmer.  You did not ramble.  I like hearing your stories!!

Bear