Needing it done right now

[Twoapenny]

Hi all,

I just wondered if anyone else feels like this?  I realised this morning that one of my 'problems' is that I constantly feel like everything should be done immediately, nothing should ever be outstanding and that I somehow need to magically have done everything I need to do by 9 o'clock in the morning.

I am trying to figure out why this is.  I was panicking this morning because I had a big pile of ironing to do, the house needed cleaning and I have a batch of paperwork that needs to be completed by tomorrow lunchtime.  Usually I just do everything at 100 miles an hour and don't let myself stop until it's all done.

This morning though, I did the ironing first thing, have done the housework whilst my son is out this afternoon and realised I will have time to do the paperwork tomorrow morning before my son gets up.  So there was no need to be freaking out and trying to do ten things at once.  It's been a much nicer day, I did loads of craft with my son, he covered the cat in glitter and we made some biscuits.  Normally I'd have run around trying to do all the other stuff at the same time so I'd only be half with my boy, if you know what I mean.

I just wondered if anyone else feels this way - ie is this an N thing or is this just a 'me' thing?!

[Sealynx]

TP,
That is something I find takes many forms in my life. The first is that I "need" to feel as if something is always chasing me. Being too busy is a comfort zone. I think this stems from being constantly distracted by "emergencies" as a child and developing my own set of "busy rituals to preserve some sense of self.
 By keeping busy I was at least allowed to own the behavior and give an excuse to my N about why I couldn't constantly placate them.

I've just come to realize that I have always either taken on or created enough work to keep me busy 24/7. Certainly we all have N related emotional issues and are still finding ourselves in many ways. I feel like this behavior is  also "easier" than being alone with myself or relating fully to others. In my case it is a learned, habitual behavior that is not easy to stop.

[HeartofPilgrimage]

I don't know so much about feeling like I have to have it all done right now but I do load myself on way too much stuff at once. Sometimes I have to go back and "de-volunteer" myself because I have taken on too much crazy stuff. I have a way unrealistic sense of what I can accomplish.

Periods of frantic activity usually are interspersed with periods of falling facedown on the bed and not committing to anything. Who knows, if I could quit killing myself with activity maybe I wouldn't continue to need "crash" periods.

[Hopalong]

Voluntary Simplicity's a nice antidote to those feelings...Google the term and you'll find great reading.

(not doing it myself at the moment w/2 jobs and a D in crisis, but the thought soothes me for my future -- it's what I want)

xo
Hops

PS--IRONING? 

[JustKathy]

I have this problem. I really have to work to keep it in check. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and my T has told me that one of the many traits of someone with GAD is an "overdeveloped sense of urgency." Since GAD is an illnes brought on by stress and traumatic life events, it stands to reason that someone who has been traumatized in some way (like living with an N parent) might develop this disorder. Once I recognized that I was doing it, I started to make a conscious effort to control it, stop the urges, telling myself that no, the grocery store can wait an hour, this does NOT have to be done now.

My husband has OCD, and has this problem to a much greater extent than I do. The difference is that he refuses to admit that he has OCD, and will not seek treatment. I know that I have a disorder. Once you accept that you have the problem, you can easily get it under control.

[Twoapenny]

Hi Sealynx,

I get what you mean about needing to feel 'chased'; that describes how I feel all the time.  If I'm not 'doing' something I feel like I need to justify it - ie, it's alright to take time off if I'm ill but not just because I want to.  I'm trying to work on not giving excuses when I say no (having finally learnt to say no!).  So rather than feeling I have to justify it to someone just being able to say "Sorry, I don't have time right now" or even just "No, I can't do that" (wow that feels scary!)  I want to have a more relaxed, fulfilling life, where I enjoy doing things rather than rushing from one thing to another constantly.

HI HoP,

Yes, I overload myself as well!  I set myself completely unrealistic goals - today i will clear all my paperwork, walk two miles, dig over the flower bed and decorate the house!  Crazy stuff, then I beat myself up because I don't get it all done.  Am working on making me a priority and putting other stuff second but it's hard!

Hops,


Ha ha, I like ironing!  I know, I'm a wierdo.  It's a shame we're not neighbours, I could do yours for you   Will google Voluntary Simplicity, sounds like a nice concept

Hi Kathy,

Now that does make sense, an overdeveloped sense of urgency is a good description, I feel like everything has to be done right now but actually there's usually nothing that couldn't be put off for a while.  I am trying to stop doing it, like you say, the groceries can wait.  I have a friend who never worries about stuff, he just gets on with things, potters about and is really laid back.  I'd love to be like that.

Thanks for all your responses, it's nice to know it's not just me!   Hugs to everyone xx