Self-Awareness

[Twoapenny]

I was thinking about my mum today (as I do a lot!) and something occured to me and I wondered why i hadn't seen it before?

I have always felt life was very unfair.  My mum has so much more than me - lots of money, a big house, several cars, she doesn't work, dresses nicely, eats out etc etc.  And I always felt this was unfair as she's caused so much pain and misery; it's like she's been rewarded for being bad and I've been punished for being good.

But this morning I realised that I have self awareness - and she doesn't.  And that it's one of the few things she can't buy - and that it's so much more valuable to me than all the possessions in the world ever could be.  I figure that being self-aware givens me the opportunity to change my parenting style, and my own behaviour, when I need to, which in turn stops me from being the damaging parent that she was.  I hope, hope, hope that my son will never feel about me the way I feel about my mum, simply because I can see what's going on in my life and change it when I need to.  It's very simple but I haven't noticed it before.  And it just popped up when I was washing the dishes.  I feel I have more in my life now.

Hugs to everyone (((((((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))))))))))

[Gaining Strength]

Wow - twoapenny - what a fantastic insight.  I am so thankful that you have shared it.  My mother has all the lovely things that money can buy but she too is devoiid of self-awareness. 

It struck me as I read this that many of us with an N parent seem to have self-awareness.  I am wondering if it is a result of the damage and wounding done (caused by) by the N parent or perhaps it is a result of a sensitive nature that also responds with such hurt by an N parent (correlates with).  This will give me food for thought for some time.

Wonderful insight.  Thank you.

[Twoapenny]

GS, thank you, I'm glad it rang a bell with you.  I still hesitate about sharing my thoughts because my mum would dismiss a notion like self awareness as bulls**t.  It's funny because I'm one of six - three of us are very self aware, the other three are totally not.  All raised the same way, by the same people - yet some of us view our childhoods as hellish and others think they were wonderful.  It is odd how different people react to the same experience.

I had another thought as I was writing earlier.  I've always felt like an outsider.  I've never fitted into any groups - I've got friends who are very laid back and hippyish, friends who are very academic, friends who are quite rough and ready and friends who are quite genteel  I've always felt like I don't fit in because I'm not exactly like any of them.  It's just occured to me that maybe you don't need to be exactly like other people to get along with them - maybe that's just an N thing?  Rambling out loud now, but I am going to think on this some more.xx

[Portia]

Hey Twoapenny, yes

I too hope that your son will never feel about you the way you feel about your mum, and I very much doubt that he will. Very very doubtful, that. 

You don't need to be exactly like other people to get along with them - by gum, no you don't. If that were true, when would I have ever had any friends?! As for fitting in, although it can feel horribly isolating to be an outsider, most times I would rather have been that outsider than part of any of the groups I encountered. Groucho wasn't joking? I've got on well with other outsiders too - those that recognise that they are outsiders.

[Sealynx]

Hi Twoapenny,
I've thought a lot about who gets the good stuff too and it seems to me that lack of self-awareness contributes to material gain. We ask ourselves constantly if we are worthy so the law of attraction does the same thing...sends us messages asking if we are worthy.

Our N's approach every want with an uncontested certitude that they deserve the thing. However, that same lack of questioning and awareness of self, means that can't appreciate the things they get. We can appreciate a thing on many levels, including how much fun it will be to share with others.

IF I bought a really nice vehicle it would probably be an RV style van I could use to take my niece and her friends to the beach or ferry my pets around when I traveled. It would have little value to me beyond that of sharing with others. How sad that they lack this ability.

Reminds me of the story of the King with the Midas touch who killed everything he loved by turning it to gold.

[swimmer]

Twoapenny-  that is wonderful, to appreciate self awareness.  Your self awareness is an amazing gift to your son as well, an example he can look up too.  A true gift you've given your son, your example of altruism...

[Ales2]

Thanks TwoAPenny - this is a great insight! Its also helps me appreciate my situation as well.  Hopefully, with this appreciation, your insight and my own self-awareness, I too will be able to create a better life for myself...... Thanks so much!