Fear

[Portia]

Great Guest post above. True in my experience. Thanks Guest!  And The voice of Reason, thank you for your post. I love ‘Come on’. And Guest who said: “You can have what you want”. Ha ha ha   delight! Really? I can? I understand the limits on that, but nevertheless, I really can have what I *want* and don’t only *need*? Wow.

[mighty mouse]

Les and OM,

You already have been attacked by your Nmoms and lived to tell the tale...right here on this very board. You are both heroes imo. Post away dear ladies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!No Fear.

MM

[les]

Thanks MM - you dear red- caped wonder - It's quite extraordinary how people you've never actually met can influence your life so profoundly -things got rough with the NM today so at one point I pulled out my old trick of calling on MM to save the day - well, you came swooping in -cape and great music. Also conjured up Only Me on her Harley, Ellie too, soon I had an army of supportive understanding people from this board -there are so many and I would name every one but I'd leave someone out -

Re: FEAR - I noticed that I spoke to NM in a stronger, firmer tone today than I ever have before.  In doing this I realized I felt much stronger.  Not mean, not unkind, I don't think I've ever truly been mean or unkind to her(mind you I've yelled and ranted in a desparate attempt to be heard) but I've needed to be much firmer, much clearer.  Perhaps firmness is all we need when confronted by bullying behaviour.  Calm, detached, firm.

You know it really feels good to get a hug! Thanks ((((Only Me))))) and (((((beautiful board beings)))))))

Les, oh hell, why not, (((Les)))

[les]

forgot to post my appreciation for the idea that someone will always protect you -

[wondering]

I don't know the history here and knowing is not necessary.   Here is something others may wish to ponder:

You know what behaviors you were subjected to as a child and may still be experiencing that you do not like.  

Do you really want to subject others to the very things that hurt you?  

Would getting along and being able to discuss IDEAS instead of PEOPLE be more helpful to everyone?

The Golden Rule could use modifying to "Do unto others as they prefer to be treated NOT as YOU wish to be treated or treat them."

Just because you like something or don't mind something done to you, honor and respect the right of others to feel differently about it without making either of you wrong.

[Anonymous]

Ellie - not logged in


(((((Les)))))
What a wonderful post. Ah, the power of the Board!

I hope I can muster up your courage the next time I have to talk to Nmom. It's been 4 months now and I'm always afraid I will cower when a surprise call comes in. Thank goodness for caller ID, but they use calling cards so no one can tell who is calling and it comes up as a local number.

I noticed that I spoke to NM in a stronger, firmer tone today than I ever have before. In doing this I realized I felt much stronger. Not mean, not unkind, I don't think I've ever truly been mean or unkind to her(mind you I've yelled and ranted in a desparate attempt to be heard) but I've needed to be much firmer, much clearer. Perhaps firmness is all we need when confronted by bullying behaviour. Calm, detached, firm.

Wow - you are so right! I don't think I've really had a chance to be mean to Nmom in preson. Had many many mean horrible thoughts but I was never in the position to be really mean. Ndad was always around and he would hit no matter my age. And when they were in my home, they made me feel like a little girl and fear of saying mean, ugly things, fear of interrupting, fear of getting my ideas laughed at always stopped me from saying much at all.

Again ((((((((Les))))))))

[mighty mouse]

Said by Les:

Calm, detached, firm.

Yep, that works with these N types. I'm doing that and finally feel like a grown up. Yea!!!!!!!!!!!!

Les, um...I don't feature you've have been unkind in your entire life. BTW I really liked your descriptions of N supplier and deniers in the other post. I'm way behind on catching up with the board (been travelling again) and I meant to say something over there and never got around to it. But I digress.

Good vibes to ya! Take the mouse wherever you want....I likes to travel

MM

[OnlyMe]

- and Les and MM, if you do a little soul traveling, I'll be here when you get back!  I'm trying to put down roots, so you can count on me to be right here, getting grounded (when I'm not riding with Ellie )

Calm, detached, firm  !!   Yes, that's IT!  Good for You!  **pom-poms**   That is what I did when my NM tried to give away a piece of the art that Ndad left me - calm, detatched, firm!  I think we're onto something!  We must try it again when the NM starts her shenanigans next time, and we know there will be a next time.

I'm thinking that it is a comfort that we don't have to go through this nasty NM stuff alone, anymore.  Don't know what I did before I found this place.

[wondering]

You better put that piece of art somewhere she can't get to it.  Giving away things that belong to others and/or giving you something and then taking it back are common N behaviors.  

Big red flag when someone gives a child a present and then either takes it back or puts it up so they can't play with it.

[Solace]

"Calm, detached, firm !! "

Wish we could all do that all of the time when appropriate.
But who's perfect eh?

S

[wondering]

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

(Dr.Suess)

WOW...what a quote...I'd never seen that one before.

[Solace]

Hi Wondering:

I had a hard time trying to pick a quote I could really post over and over  with my name that represents what I am seeking.

Decided to look to my hero, Dr. Suess!

"Cat in the Hat" is my favorite book of all time!  How juvenile!!  How adult a book it is!!  I loved reading it to my kids and they often asked me to read it.  I'd say:

"Aren't you tired of reading it?  We've read it so many times."

And they'd say:

"No.  I'm not tired of it are you?"

And I'd say:  "Me neither".

And we'd have such discussions afterward!!

S

[Anonymous]

It's a great quote

[Solace]

Hey Thanks!

S

[Solace]

"Hey Thanks!

S"

Hahahahahaha!!!    Sounds like I wrote the quote!  How n is that?
I was thinking you were thanking me for making a good choice!

Hey Thanks!

Some compliments I take in and still can't respond correctly!!

S