Need an objective sounding board......about facebook

[Overcomer]

I am a regular on facebook.  Sometimes when something happens to me I post a status update that kinda let's people know what has gone on.

Last week I was sleeping off chemo and I woke up and my husband had been drinking.  True to form he was irrational and giving me crap about "not being able to do it all."  For those of you who know me, this has been a problem over the years.  My husband is finally getting it but when he drinks he is an asshole.

So on my facebook I put.....

Drugs and Alcohol do not give you the freedom to be an idiot and then ask for forgiveness later.

The next day I wrote............

When someone let's you down over and over and over and over and over again, when is it time to say enough?

So I get an email from my mother and it was pretty nice........she told me it grieved her to see me air my dirty laundry on facebook.  She also said that when he is drunk it is the alcohol talking and perhaps when I write those types of things on facebook, it is the chemo talking.

I went in and erased those posts but it has been bothering me.  She also asked me to not put something on facebook like, "someone asked me to erase them so I did....."

She hates facebook because she said it makes it easy to say things with just enough information to invite speculation, etc.

Am I just so hypersensitive to my mother that I am overreacting to being hushed by her once again...........................

or should I be pissed?

[Portia]

Kelly,

Be pissed. Say what you want to. Delete mother from facebook friends? If she hates it, why is she on facebook?

Good grief. Do and say what you want to, whatever it is.

Anyway, don't take my word for it!

[Gaining Strength]

Kelly - your mother does not hate Facebook - she uses it as yet another means of keeping tabs on you.

I can't agree more with Portia.  You definitely need to unfriend your mother.  Don't think about and deliberate and consider the whole thing - just do it.

do NOT let your mother tell you what to post and what not to post.
I find nothing in any of the posts that you list to be problematic.  they weren't for you.  don't shift simply because your mother says so.  don't give her that control in your life.  Keep drawing boundries.

[Overcomer]

Wow, wouldn't that be something.

Mother.  I deleted you from my friends on facebook because obviously what I write makes you uncomfortable and since I promised myself I would never be silenced again I had to do it!

[Overcomer]

Well, I didn't delete her, I just went in and made it so she cannot see my status updates, notes, links, photos, etc.

If she figures it out, I will tell her that what I write obviously makes her uncomfortable so I made it so she couldn't see it!

[Portia]

It's as simple as clicking that little X next to the name, Kelly.

If she asks about it, play dumb (Facebook fouls up allll the time) or tell the truth, or tell a lie.

Three choices I can think of. Maybe there are more.

Just read your reply there. Well, maybe ponder:

you don't have to tell the truth. It's okay to lie.

I think that's easily allowed with some people and for some reasons.

PS Limited profiles are good too, especially if you want to keep tabs on her profile. (I bet hers is very boring though.)

[Overcomer]

She is so stupid on the computer I doubt she will even realize I did anything.......she will probably say something like, "You are not on facebook much are you?"  Then I can say, "Oh I have so much more important things to do!!!"

[Gaining Strength]

Well, I didn't delete her, I just went in and made it so she cannot see my status updates, notes, links, photos, etc.

If she figures it out, I will tell her that what I write obviously makes her uncomfortable so I made it so she couldn't see it!

BRILLIANT!!!

[Worn]

Ugh, I love and hate facebook.  Abusive relatives asking to be friends, ex nfriends demanding that I friend them.  I love that you cut your nm off from your information.
Kind of like in real life with LC.  You're physically there, but you give them no access to your thoughts and feelings.  Making YOUR space, safe space.  Worn

Btw, still haven't friended the abusive relatives or ex nfriends, don't plan on it either. 

[JustKathy]

or should I be pissed?

Be pissed. Add me to the list of those who think you should "unfriend" her. She's using it as a way to gain access to your personal information. Cut her off!

I've had a similar problem with my psycho SIL who has taken to stalking me online. She has tried to follow be on twitter, and send me three friend requests on Facebook. (After I hit "ignore" for the third time, I got a message from Facebook asking me if it was an unwanted request. I said yes, and they've now blocked her, so good for FB.) Still, I have to watch what I say online at all times, knowing that there are some things she can still access. She can still read my twitter feed, just can't follow me. I refuse to give in and go private, so I still say things publicly, but have to be careful to NEVER mention SIL or NM anywhere that they might see it. I HATE having to live like that, but don't have much choice. This is the problem with social networking.

If you need to vent on FB, and want to be able to speak freely there, I would block your M. If she asks why, tell her. She's meddling in your private affairs. That's not what Facebook is for. N's won't back down until you force them to. It's never easy, but you have to do what to have to do. You're going through chemo right now and don't need this extra stress. If you want, you can lie and tell her that you're now limiting your Facebook activity, or that you're closing the account. Or actually close it, and start a new one using an alias. Your friends will understand.

[swimmer]

Hi Overcomer.... Nobody can tell you how to use Facebook.  Your mom should not be meddling in your business.... It as a privilege for her to be a friend on FB, and she critisized you. 

Just another example of how an N will tell you how to live.... A real mother would have sense to take a daughter out for lunch to cheer her up, or talk....

You are fine.... She probably sees how many friends you have on FB and how she may not enrich your life the way they do.... Just a thought.