We need to pay homage to....

[bearwithme]

Mothers.

True Mothers.

Honest Mothers.

Mothers who hear us.

Mothers who are here on this board because they are healthy and have love for themselves.  Dignity and Respect.

Mothers that are true givers because they don't have to advertise.

Mothers who love their friends and immediate families unconditionally.

Mothers who want to do better and succeed because they tried.

Mothers who share their experiences here in hopes they can comfort other mothers as well as any other person.

Mothers who have not given birth, yet they love bigger and better than those who have.

Mothers who have no children of their own, yet they attract all us stranded children to get the love we need and so deserve.

Mothers who want children because they know what a child really needs.

Mothers who have lost children here on earth, yet stay with us to share their beauty in knowing how to really love.



I don't think it matters if you have children or not to be a "mother" in this world. 

So Happy Mother's Day to all of you!!


Bear.

[Portia]

Thank you Bear

and

Happy Mother's Day  to you 

[bearwithme]

I don't have a "traditional mother" to call on mother's day tomorrow.  So I thought I'd wish you all a happy one instead. 

I'm not calling my NM.  We haven't talked since I kicked her out of my house and told her off.  It feels okay not to call her.  In fact, it feels real.  All those times I felt so obligated to wish her all the sweet warm wishes on mother's day and you know what?  She always EXPECTED it from me but never DESERVED it.

So this year I'm paying homage to myself as a mother.  To shit with her!!

Bear

[Logy]

Bear,
Here's to you.  Someone who understands what a mother is and isn't.
Love and happiness.
Logy

[Twoapenny]

Hear, hear, Bear.  You did the right thing with your mum.  Being a mum is about so much more than giving birth.  Enjoy your day today.

Twoapenny xx

[Portia]

Go Bear.  I don't have one. Full stop.

[seastorm]

Thanks Bear for writing about mothers. 

To the mothers  we don't really connect with or who hurt us too much, I wish healing and light. I can't change them and I did not make them the wounded ones who don't love back. Lets put em in the pink bubble together so they can talk about what idiots we are.

I have noticed that there is some lovely mothering that goes on here. That means giving encouragement, giving blessings, giving from the heart when someone is hurting, and laughing with them.  This is a family too.

Sea storm

[Butterfly]

Thank you for a beautiful message, Bear!  Wishing you much peace and comfort for being true. 

[Hopalong]

Awful mother's day...
brought her gifts home from my trip, was so glad to see her at the airport, thought of her with so much love while I was away...she teared up when I hugged her, so--there was closeness for a short while.

Within 24 hours, big fight, out of the blue. Same nasty hostile punching bruising boxer thing...flood of accusations, attacking me "Who made you the Queen? You're not a more important person than I am. It's all about you..." (I asked for some help with something in the house...oops. Exhausted from travel.)

Cried so hard, alone. Frigging Mother's Day. Went to a movie by myself.

Just cried, "I don't want to be here."

Coming home wasn't so good. Being away, traveling, encountering so many nice people, was joy.

Came home after the movie and she had cleaned what I'd asked her to. Lit a candle in my window.
It was lovely.

But I feel so beaten up it's just like, I can't rally.

I thanked her but I just still am so hurt I can't cope with it much more. I did tell her earlier she needs to find another place to live and that I can't do this any more.

I just don't want to live with someone who hates me. Even if way down deep she doesn't, it's how she treats me most days, either cold indifference or hot hostility. Nothing in between. No humor, no meeting ground. And she won't followup with the counseling, she won't read the letter her father left.

I am just out of ideas. I'm leaving her alone, it's like living with someone during a legal separation but prior to the divorce. It's horrible. I don't enjoy my home and don't feel I have "permission to be happy." If I act happy, she's after me.

Hops

[Lollie]

((((Hops))))

I don't have much to say, I just wanted to give you some hugs.

[seastorm]

Dear Hops,

I am so sorry that you had such a rough time with your daughter. I have a grown up daughter too and it really hurts when she lashes out at me as if she hates me.  I am sure you did the best with her growing up that you could.

I was talking to a friend of mine about daughters. Ours are 33 and 34. Her daughter had back surgery and so her mom suggested that she come home to recuperate. My friend loved this idea. Her daughter said that she knew she could only stand two days with her or else she feels engulfed. When they feel engulfed by us they are so horrid. Her daughter loves her but is still struggling to be her own person. Mine loves me too. I wish I could live in her pocket these days as she is far away and pregnant. When she thinks I want to get close she really backs off to show she is her own person.  You probably know all this already but I just wanted to help you. You have helped me so much and shine through over the years as thoroughly well meaning, compassionate and wise.

Living together is really pushing it all sideways.

Much love to you.  Funny how mother's day is so fraught with landmines. Someone I know cried all morning because none of her four kids phoned. She had a very tough life as a single mom.


Lots of love to you, Hops.  Thank you for the times you mothered me in the best sense of the word.


Sea storm

[Worn]

((((((((((((Hops))))))))))))

Sorry your mother's day sucked. 

Hoping you're feeling better today, Worn

[bearwithme]

((((((((((((((((((((((Hops))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry.  I have no words to help you cope any better than you are now.  You need to grieve your mother.  I do to.  Let it go and let her go to someplace safe in the universe where you can look at her from a distance at whatever time you feel the need to do so.  You don't need to have her physically with you to "see" her anymore.  I'm learning to do this each ticking minute and it's so difficult.  Our hearts get turned upsidedown and there is no training manual or primer to decode their language.

It's okay to cry, especially on Mother's Day.  She lives with you now and that is unimaginably hard to do. So cry about it and then cry some more.  I'll cry for you, too.

You will do the right thing, always for you.

Bear

[Hopalong]

Thank you, sweet people, Lollie, Seastorm, Worn, Bear, and Izzy and CB and Amber and all you others who sent me some kindness and support (typed or not, I got it!).

I've calmed down. I just realized that day that I was feeling a world of hurt and letting it be real and bawling hard was really, exactly, what I needed to do. I didn't have much more to say about it, just needed to let the feelings rip. I was fairly loud, too!

And since then I've been loving, she's been still a little sour but sobered some, and on we go.

I felt like my heart was broken again. It reminded me, being railed at on Mother's Day, of the way I felt when I got married and Nex2 roared and cursed at me on our wedding night. Just one of those times when you feel extra open and happy and expectant and get slammed.

I've learned my lesson and maybe, so has she... I think I invested more hopes for "getting love" that day since D won't do Xmas or Tgiving or V-day or any other little cultural thing that might help us feel family. So my two holdouts were my bday and Mother's Day. She was very nice about my bday but couldn't pull it off for M-day, with all she feels.

So given that I hate Hallmark's manipulations of us all anyway, I think I'll let go of M-day too.

I feel better. I just decided to acknowledge my feelings and let 'em rip and then they can pass through. I feel like my heart is a little bruised so I'm being gentle with myself, and with her.

We'll be okay. And I have had all this extra love and support here....I wish she had the same.

love and thanks again,
Hops

[Hopalong]

PS--Izzy, I was sooooooooooooo happy to read that story about your D!

Sat on my bed with a biiiiiiiiiig smile.

Thank you for sharing that heartening joyful much-deserved news!

good on you, Mother Izz.

love,
Hops