Hi Lup,
You sure are welcome in this world.
Lup,
With your parents I don't think they were capable of giving a child what they need to grow and be loved (welcomed) nurtured as any child should be. Ofcourse it is lonely when you don't feel wanted...just there....like they are a gift to you. You were a gift to them. They were blessed with a child. Not everyone can have children and would do anything to have had the chance to have a child as you were.
The put downs, the games your b/f plays with you, comes from some deep f'd up thing going on inside himself. Please do not take it personal (he can't give you or in that case anyone) what a person should have. It puts you in a lonely state (feelings of being un-wanted) especially if you leave.
We know Lup we can beat our brains out trying to make sense, use logic, feelings, clearly saying, You are hurting our feelings...........which kind of makes you feel more lonely (when they don't hear you).
That is the lonely Lup..........
Where your at, what you are feeling, may feel lonely BUT I think your grieving for what you once Thought you had. Now you see the real him and that is what made you feel lonely.
If you are feeling bad then you sure should feel bad for yourself. He treated you (not so nice) and is breaking your heart.
Your heart will heal.
I read a dancing, laughing, full of life Lup....and now...a down part of life. The part that we wish to never cross over (it could be anything) but there is ups and downs. Just a down time.
If you want to sit and do nothing or cry you go for it. You should. You have been hurt. Your wounded.
No Lup.....lonely would to stay with him........never be heard......
Your grieving as you should be. Your sad.
You will heal from this. We will see a laughing, musical, teaching, dancing Lup again.
I have been reading you Lup and I have read loneliness with this man but now I think I reading closure.....and closure does feel very lonely but there is an ending and healing.
To stay with him would be livng a lonely life.
And you wrote......you know if you were with him he would be putting you down in one way or another.....and guess what?
Your not with him. You said No.
Either way your going to feel lonely. Closure (good bye) or with him.
You will heal in time with good bye loneliness will pass for him......but if you stay......Will It?
Which do you want?
You are most certanily welcome in this world .......just ask your son.
snd the board......
Do not judge yourself and feeling welcome (by people who don't know how to act, feel, parent, treat others as humans with needs, and love) and why? Because they just can't.
Love
Deb