Author Topic: to izzy  (Read 3451 times)

finding peace

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to izzy
« on: October 31, 2010, 01:46:14 AM »

Izzy, I am sorry you locked your thread.

I beg to differ with the following:

"This board is about dealing with being damaged by the narcissists in our lives. Period."

IMO this board is about voicelessness…

Whether it comes from Nism; the absolute cruelty and horror of silencing of 6 million voices (which I believe is well beyond N’ism and goes far, far into psychotic [Ted Bundy with a nation behind him]….

Or the attempt to silence one single person (through cruelty) who was misinformed – [/b]

How many Germans bought into the propaganda?

Iz, while I in no way believe in the conspiracy theories that you wrote about, I cannot imagine how it must have hurt to have someone say, no wonder your child is NC.

To me, this board is not solely for survivors of N’ism ..

It is about voicelessness  -

And this can happen outside of N’ism – it can happen by people who are healthy who were triggered (I understand that anger can cause people to be cruel – lord knows I have been at the effect of it and the affect of it – it doesn’t make them or me necessarily an N it makes us human).

Had I been on the receiving end of someone saying no wonder your child is NC – I would have been struck speechless and would have felt excruciating pain.

6 million in pain = 1 x 6 million.  It is and is not a collective – every one of those 6 million people felt decimating pain and betrayal. The collective pain is unimaginable – but the individual pain is not.

Tears – I cannot begin to imagine – and yet I can – on an individual basis - my father, who raped me, was a mini-me Hitler; while I survived, I did so scarred to my soul … I did not live through a holocaust where my collective race was decimated, but I did live through my own holocaust, where my identity, my voice, my personality was decimated.

To me, this is the silent holocaust of today – voicelessness (be it by any means). 

And that exactly IMO is what this board was and is for me – a chance where my silent soul scream can finally be heard.

The holocaust – their screams resound  - it is the same scream I hear in my soul. Not as a race but as a person.

And that is why this board, to me is more than N’ism alone – it is anyone who has ever been silenced for any reason.

In no way, do I say this to negate the holocaust that happened.  I say this, because what allowed that holocaust to happen continues to this day – my mother allowed it to happen, because she bought into the societal norms of her day – don’t question, just accept.

I say question, question, and question.  By questioning every thing, sometimes we hurt those who we love – and yet, by questioning, and allowing other’s their voice we learn to differentiate the voices that cause harm and those that heal, and most especially those that we learn from.

Question without emotion or trigger.

Not allowing races, children, an individual  ….  their own voice.

While I can’t speak for the people involved on this board;  I (hopefully) believe that they struck out based on pain of their own.  (They too would not be silenced against what they believe.)

Isn’t this the cycle we have all been taught?  Nogadge (who I think of as gadge) taught me that.  To quote hin/her:

Break the cycle.

QUESTION; QUESTION. QUESTION THE SOURCE.,

NEVER EVER ACCEPT WHAT SOMEONE TELLS YOU AT FACE VALUE,  NEVER.

TO DO THIS IS TO GIVE POWER TO SOMEONE OUTSIDE YOURSELF.

CB offered to help learn enlightened questioning – please take her up on this.

If we lose our ability to enlightened question, we lose our ability to think for ourselves – exactly what allowed the holocaust of then and today to continue.



(((((Tears and much love towards you Iz and everyone who felt pain in this interchange of words / which I believe is not so much words, but an interchange of all of our painful pasts.))))

Peace
- Life is a journey not a destination

Izzy_*now*

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2010, 05:33:32 AM »
Thank you, finding peace. I appreciate your message to me.

No one ever ought to be silenced into voicelessness by the Narcissist, the bully, the one with more updated knowledge and education, from another who didn’t have the same chances, or any chances in life. We are here on this earth to help one another and guide the unknowing into a state of knowing and understanding.
If we did that, life would be far more pleasant. I volunteered as a tutor for a number of years and I could see the difference it made in the lives of those children who benefited from one on one, from someone other than their parents, who were likely at  a loss. Objectivity vs. Subjectivity.

I had to lock the thread because the posts were becoming very repetitious, and appeared unending. I have heard the expression, “Don’t apologize: don’t explain.” I can well understand the second part as that is when one can dig oneself in deeper and deeper, but I apologized in the good Drs. thread and no one read it. I was accused of not even acknowledging what I had done. I won’t mention the topic by name, but I swear it was not yet in the history books from which I studied. It takes a while to put together a new history book and we don’t know who writes them. As well, one year we would take Modern History and the next year would be Ancient History, but miss or skip a grade and one loses out on a good part of education. I skipped. When the school wanted to skip my daughter, next generation, I had a long talk with her about how I was 2 years younger than my classmates, that I had skipped some knowledge that could have been imparted to me, had I remained behind, and I hung around with kids my age in grades lower than mine. I especially thought she ought to not miss her Grade 7 French, because she was so good at it, nor leave her friends behind the next year when she was a big-wig going off to high school, as little-wig again, with no friends. She chose to NOT skip and I was pleased with her choice.

"This board is about dealing with being damaged by the narcissists in our lives. Period." Partially but yet voicelessnees and emotional survival is it's name and consessions can be made and a parallel drawn.

Many narcissists are the politicians, and some are even psychopaths, and they lie, lie, lie and manipulate for your vote, then renege on their promises and what is one person to do? It takes a number of people on the same wave length to begin something.  I didn’t even have Narcissist parents just a dysfunctional family and I have been voiceless since I can remember. But people have to know someone truly, to know where he/she has been.

I have the most wonderful physical therapist who is 18 years NC with her N mother and she is a beautiful person, very wise and very helpful, and in this case age doesn’t come  first. She is helping me a lot as she spends 3 days a week with me. She is just 41, so fit’s the age of many on the board who still have mother problems. But she fell in love with a man who also has N parents and they have gone through this together for over 15 years.

Hitler, and/or his henchmen, were certainly well beyond Nísm, to psychopathy, maybe insanity of sorts, as have been others over the past ‘million’ years.  I feel sorry for those who have been damaged by N’ism and then portray some of it themselves against someone who cannot or will not fight back. 6,000,001 voices silenced and it went on after 1945.

People will read this if they want but I prefer no harassment over my wording. My daughter has not identified herself as lesbian or bi-. I have asked her how she thinks but no answer, so I use a ‘blanket’ word…. The first acceptable one to me: ‘homosexual‘. That is my choice and it is not from ignorance. Also her 2 youngest children, 18 and 21, are not “settled” with this situation yet, and I don’t want to push if she is hurting in any way about them. …just as, Yes,  it hurt, but there was uncontrollable anger involved that required me to be hurt in any way possible, and it could only work if a backup were brought in to agree. I have dealt re my daughter for a long time now and anything I say is fact, but I am or weeping and wailing about it. 1992 was enough.

Yes! IMO this board is about voicelessness…

I think sometimes people start an argument on the basis of some misunderstanding, and to explain the misunderstanding takes 46 -47 pages, or 71 years, of posting. I find that unnecessary when posting, just as correcting another’s spelling. I was over the Nísm quite some time ago and stayed on but hadn’t much to say. However when the car ran me down last year I had friends here who empathized with me, the situation and to follow the healing progress which is now at 19 months and still counting. I have a slight problem with very short term memory loss-- as in say an introduction, or my wanting to mention a book I thought of yesterday, the very first personal trials book about WWII, that I read. I think the writer was Victor?  (Frankl?) but for the life of me the name won’t come. I recall his saying that no matter what was taken from him, until he was naked, he still had his own thoughts. We all do! I read that about 8 years ago.

I certainly know that genocide is happening today and if WWIII comes to America, we are neighbours and I think that is why I read so much of what is happening. But there are dis-information artists and mis-information artists on the Internet, just to play crazy-making, like Ns, with our minds.

My mother, who would be 102, had she lived, picked up information in the wrong context and passed it on. That was her day, but some of it stuck with me, as why would a mother lie?

As far as the name-calling, I don’t accept any one of those horrible words as applying to me, and as far as arguing interminably….well we siblings did that as kids. I hope I am a grown-up now, but I still don’t know everything. And as far as your father, I would expect that that is something that would  live on longer in a young girl, grown up, than a razor strap beating… yet in the long run, whether the abuse is verbal, emotional, sexual, or other physical, we all suffer in our own way, depending on how strong we are at the time. If we had the strength to stand up to the bullies when we were little, things might not have happened, and for that children need at least one loving parent to guide them on the long journey through life.

Thanks again, and  I must get to bed

Love
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

sKePTiKal

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2010, 09:15:57 AM »
Quote
I beg to differ with the following:

"This board is about dealing with being damaged by the narcissists in our lives. Period."

IMO this board is about voicelessness…




Thank you, FP!


Edit in:

I want to recommend to EVERYONE that they google "The Rally to Restore Sanity (or Fear)". It's high time someone did this - it was attended by hundreds of thousands on the mall in DC yesterday and I only caught the last minutes of the live broadcast. A lot of the comedy "bits" are on YouTube - there are many different muscians involved - and the whole rally had a very serious message, delivered kindly & gently but pleadingly - for sanity to return to our discourse with each other.

The "Crazy Peace Love Train" segment is hilarious; gotta go watch Mythbusters now...
« Last Edit: October 31, 2010, 09:32:01 AM by PhoenixRising »
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mudpuppy

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2010, 10:25:56 AM »
Quote
I beg to differ with the following:

"This board is about dealing with being damaged by the narcissists in our lives. Period."

IMO this board is about voicelessness…

Whether it comes from Nism; the absolute cruelty and horror of silencing of 6 million voices (which I believe is well beyond N’ism and goes far, far into psychotic [Ted Bundy with a nation behind him]….

Or the attempt to silence one single person (through cruelty) who was misinformed


The above I agree with wholheartedly.

Quote
"The Rally to Restore Sanity (or Fear)". It's high time someone did this - it was attended by hundreds of thousands on the mall in DC yesterday and I only caught the last minutes of the live broadcast. A lot of the comedy "bits" are on YouTube - there are many different muscians involved - and the whole rally had a very serious message, delivered kindly & gently but pleadingly - for sanity to return to our discourse with each other.

The "Crazy Peace Love Train" segment is hilarious; gotta go watch Mythbusters now...

That one I have a little trouble with.
  The Peace Train part of the hilarity was delivered by the artist formerly known as Cat Stevens. Since so much of the recent fireworks here and even this thread revolve around the holocaust let's not forget that he is the sane and peaceful chap who agreed with the Ayatollah Khomeini's fatwa that killing Salman Rushdie for insulting Islam was an excellent idea and that rather than go to an event where Rushdie was being burnt in effigy he would prefer one where he was actually being burnt to death. He now claims it was all a joke but it clearly was not, as he later affirmed he meant it. Rushdie who remains essentially voiceless to this day certainly doesn't think he was joking.
  Moreover the parts I saw including Crazy Train were hardly kind and gentle, they were Stewart and Colbert's typical ironical mocking and ridiculing of those they disagree with. The very name of the rally is direspectful of those they disagree with and is a smartass play on a previous rally's name. That after three hours of ridicule it ended with a short Stewart lecture on civility is also typical.
  I've said political topics are a bad idea here but I've also been told speaking up is essential if something is bothering me, so there are my two cents. Now I'll resume the tongue biting.

Added on edit: Food for thought; the most talked about portion of the rally to Restore Sanity featured a guy who expressed a desire to kill a blasphemous author and a guy who bit the head off a bat. :?
 
mud
« Last Edit: October 31, 2010, 11:21:49 AM by mudpuppy »

JustKathy

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2010, 12:25:15 PM »
Quote
As far as the name-calling, I don’t accept any one of those horrible words as applying to me

Izzy, please stop accusing everyone of name calling when you are doing it yourself. You called me an N who was filled with hate, then locked the thread so that I (and others referenced) couldn't defend ourselves. As someone who has spent 50 years being abused by an N mother, being called an N myself is the most hurtful thing that anyone could ever call me.

This is how you ended your thread:

Quote
I think you could keep this up forever, because you are so filled with hate, want to hurt and want revenge, which makes me wonder about your motives now, that you are Ns and cannot help yourselves, or to chase me away.

Please do not play the victim card while attacking and deeply wounding others with your own brand of name-calling. Being called a N is not something that I will soon recover from emotionally. But I think you knew that when you posted it.

Kathy

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #5 on: October 31, 2010, 09:11:53 PM »
Kathy is not an N.
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

sKePTiKal

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2010, 07:12:38 AM »
Hey mud - your point about Cat Stevens is well taken; I'm familiar with those facts about him and when it happened, I couldn't believe how out of "character" it seemed for him. Yep; I was pretty naive and thought people "were" as they appeared to be. Back then, I liked his music enough to be almost a groupie - and then I saw him perform live. He whined all the way through the concert about people talking, getting up and moving around. I guess he was expecting the rapt, 100% attention of a chamber music audience, you know? I doubt his current identity is any more authentic than the one he ditched back then.

Maybe I have a sick sense of humor - but for me an Ozzy who couldn't even remember his own lyrics versus the Yosef formerly known as Cat - was true theater of the absurd... no; I have no respect for them. I don't even know Colbert or the other guy, so I appreciate your insights. I've heard them referred to... but they're just talking heads on TV to me. Talking heads just say anything to get people interested... to justify viewership to potential advertisers and sponsors... who pay their salaries. There are way too many talking heads these days - and not enough entertainment.

I didn't mean to reinject politics back into the discussion; what I thought was important were messages that a.) things just aren't as dire as we could believe if we subject ourselves to constant media input (there really is evidence to the contrary) and that b.) what the publicity/propagandists/media are selling is fear. We don't have to buy it. That was where I started in all this discussion - with the idea that we can totally scare ourselves; talk ourselves in believing almost anything - and that when this is pervasive in a community; it's dangerous. Inevitably, that sets up an us vs them situation, and fans the flames of division, self-interest & blame with a dash of dehumanization thrown in too.

Anything - including some rediculous over the hill musicians being silly - is better than that.
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mudpuppy

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2010, 11:29:00 AM »
  Point taken, PR.
  And while I agree wholeheartedly that things are seldom as bad as they're portrayed, sometimes there really are things to be feared. We here should know better than most that, while there are a good many irrational paranoics around, sometimes there really are people out to get you.
  The challenges of course are determining the difference and when there really is something to fear the right response to it and how to get other people to see it.

mud

lighter

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #8 on: November 01, 2010, 01:21:15 PM »
  .......... sometimes there really are people out to get you.
  The challenges of course are determining the difference, and when there really is something to fear the right response to it and how to get other people to see it.

mud


We should have communications classes in our schools that help children figure this stuff out.

Honestly, I've thought about this since I was in my early twenties.

Lighter


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Re: to izzy
« Reply #9 on: November 03, 2010, 08:01:24 AM »
((((FP))))

Lighter

JustKathy

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #10 on: November 03, 2010, 04:53:33 PM »
Quote
Kathy, I am so sorry if my post caused you pain.

FP, I'm confused. I can't think of anything that you've said or done to hurt me. The only person on this board who has hurt me is Izzy. I won't soon get over being called the very thing that I have spent a lifetime trying to heal from. But that's between me and Izzy, or not. I've put her on the shelf alongside my N mother and Co-Father. She doesn't exist to me anymore. She can't hurt me anymore because I won't let her.

I appreciate your apology, though none was needed. As I said, I just can't remember anything that you said that may have been hurtful. If you DID say something, it couldn't have been that bad if it's already forgotten.

And I'm not leaving the board. I won't be run off of this board by an Internet bully. I was here years before Izzy was, and I'm damn well staying put.

Kathy

Izzy_*now*

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #11 on: November 03, 2010, 10:27:57 PM »
Quote
JustKathy
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Posts: 353


    Re: It matters not if you read or respond...
« Reply #20 on: October 29, 2010, 04:58:35 PM » 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Quote
This board is about dealing with being damaged by the narcissists in our lives. Period.

EXACTLY!  
 


Kathy. I think this is where FP might have thought she has offended you, because she disagreed and said, as did others, that this Forum is for voicelessness, too.

As well a comment of mine was just missing a question mark, which turned the comment into a statement

Quote
I think you could keep this up forever, because you are so filled with hate, want to hurt and want revenge, which makes me wonder about your motives now, that you are Ns and cannot help yourselves, or to chase me away.

I think you could keep this up forever, because you are so filled with hate, want to hurt and want revenge, which makes me wonder about your motives now, that you are Ns ? and cannot help yourselves ?or to chase me away ?

Punctuation and emphasis can change what what intended and I was asking a question, therefore not being accusatory!

What's that on the road, a head?
OR
What's that on the road ahead?'
---
What's for supper tonight, Mother?
OR
What's for supper tonight Mother?

Try to not be so defensive....................................and now let it go!
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Hopalong

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #12 on: November 04, 2010, 12:18:51 AM »
so good to hear you (((((((((((Peace)))))))) and you're always welcome with me

love
to
everybody

xo
Hops
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Izzy_*now*

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #13 on: November 06, 2010, 02:02:46 AM »
Thank Hops,

I'll remember you in my Will.

Send me your address via PM.

Love
Iz
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"

Izzy_*now*

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Re: to izzy
« Reply #14 on: November 08, 2010, 02:26:34 AM »
Thank you, finding peace

--for being the voice of reason here.

Love
Izzy
"The joy of love lasts such a short time, but the pain of love lasts one's whole life"