A couple months back, I wrote this
http://www.voicelessness.com/disc3//index.php?topic=9597.0 post, regarding a letter (entitled "Law") I received from my Co/Nfather in August.
Since that time, (also the months of being "shut out" leading up to it) I have been working hard to get through my grief, and to let go of my FOO parents. Easier written than done, yet, I am working on it, and trying to throw myself into my work, my family, and my photography / business. There has been zero contact between my parents and my wife and youngest daughter and I, however they are still flexing their muscles by using my ex wife to get to my oldest two here and there. There's nothing I can do about that.
Last night before going to bed, I looked at my email, and saw another note from him. It was a one liner in response to my simply saying "goodbye" back in August. It said: "
Only if you want it to be. Your call. I let you know my feelings, what you do at this point is your business."
So many thoughts rushed through my mind initially. I think the first, was that for the first time in my adult life, I've really let his last note to me, where he called me every terrible thing he could and blamed me for "everything" (see my post above), be the last ringing sound in his ears. There has been nothing for months now. I though initially, that it is probably a surprise to him, that I have not 'caved'.
But thinking about it again, I see the two things that he says. "I let you know my feelings", and "what you do at this point is your business". I let you know my feelings - means quite simply, that despite my irrational (albeit natural) hope somewhere inside of me, that he would reconsider the things he had to say to me, he has not, and he still stands by all of the terrible things he said. And then, the disconnected, aloof manner in which he says "what you do, is your business..." gives me a glimpse within (both he and my mother really) to see how he views the relationship. "You, crawl to me" not "We meet in the middle".
Be all this as it may, it stands for me as a reminder, that the hard path of no contact, and the hard fought for healing of the wounds hes inflicted on me, and my family, is in the end worth the effort. He and my mother, are indeed lost, swirling in a narcissistic universe where they see themselves at the center, and the rest of everything that is, revolves around them.
I wanted to share as both an encouragement to anyone who may also be feeling the grief associated with letting go of FOO family, and to commiserate
