Dreams - the second generation or third?

[flower]

Hi everyone,

I got all the  housework done that was going to get done. Well, I did have dreams about Nmom while taking a break from posting.  I'll pick the "letter dream" to relate.

This was a very short dream.  There was a letter addressed to me in beautiful script  from my mother.  It read: To the truly happy [my name].
That was all.  That was all the dream.  

This dream so symbolizes her attitude. - full of denial, doubt, dismissiveness, domination, diversion. (lots of "d" words there - Hi Les)

[Moonflower]

...

[phoenix]

Last Friday night I had a very strange dream. I was half in and out of the dream state, and I couldn’t get my body to wake up. I remember the feel of my face. It was heavy and unresponsive, like a thick rubber mask. I could sense its heavy weight as it lay on my pillow. My mouth was slack and drooling into my pillow. I could not connect with my face, I could not wake myself up. Eventually I was able to wake up, only to fall back asleep.

 Several hours later in the early am - my mother called alarmed- my aunt was in the hospital in a coma. An aneurism in her brain had burst. She was on life support, with only 5% chance of waking up..

We got ourselves together and took the two hour drive to the hospital. Even though they had her on a 72 hour wait before they unplugged her from life support, I knew when I saw her she was gone. She had been diagnosed with this aneurism two years previous. She opted at the outset to not have surgery; the risks of brain damage of some sort were pretty certain, as well as the possibility of not surviving at all. She lived her life never knowing when or if this time bomb would go off

I know my dream was letting me know of her condition, of how the body is no more than a glove, that we are really not it at all. We give expression to it.  I felt it helped me let my cousin know she wanted to be free, she wouldn't want to come back to a body paralyzed or with likely brain damage.She could let her go and not feel guilty. She had been sick a lot with various other ailments. She had everything in order for her potential death. She had instructed “no heroic measures”, and she had written out her obituary. Her liver and heart and kidneys were donated.

I didn’t get to know my aunt until just a few years ago. She was so kind to me, she showed such caring and interest in my life; I told my mom (hint, hint) that I felt that she had understood me more than anyone in my family.

I know my aunt is in peace now. My thoughts now are to my cousin and her loss. She had a dream herself: Her mother had woke up in her hospital bed and turning to her daughter, said “ ________, I love you.

And love her as well, and am grateful for the short amount of time I had her in my life.

Phoenix

[phoenix]

Flower writes-This was a very short dream. There was a letter addressed to me in beautiful script from my mother. It read: To the truly happy [my name].
That was all. That was all the dream.

 
Does your mom usually address letters in this "beautiful script"?


Moonflower- I was struck that you were on all fours. What does that signify for you? Any feelings?

Phoenix

[Moonflower]

...

[bunny]

This was a very short dream.  There was a letter addressed to me in beautiful script  from my mother.  It read: To the truly happy [my name].
That was all.  That was all the dream.

Flower,

Thanks for this topic. It's fascinating how the unconscious works, isn't it? I wish I could remember a dream right now but I can't.

Your dream is so compelling, here are some thoughts that come to me off the bat:

-- Letters in a dream are messages from your unconscious. I think this letter is written from some hidden part of yourself, possibly a happy part of yourself...that it's in beautiful script and glowing leads me to believe this.

-- In dream the letter came from your mother and this may mean (I'm stretching here) that you have a kind internal parent who is reassuring and loving. Also that you have a strong yearning for your real-life mother to be this kind of mother.

However, I don't know whether in the dream you were creeped out by the letter or happy to get it. I'm assuming the latter.

bunny

[bunny]

I had a dream this last week that my daughter was given a little house that was supposed to be for her. It seems that the house was from my Nmom and Ndad. It looked like a cute cottage on the outside but once a person went inside and looked around past the livingroom it became very shabby and broken down. Then when went into the basement it became room after room of broken down partially finished rooms with junk in them and the basement extended for a long while underground. There was a tunnel connecting the underground series of rooms to a large scary looking mansion in the distance.  It seems like the mansion was owned by my parents. This dream seems so symbolic for my daughter was emotionally abused by my mom.

Wow - what imagery. Wasn't there also a house that your parents offered to you?

bunny

[Anonymous]

Hi Flower,

I had the same response as Bunny to your dream.  If I had this dream, it would have been a very positive one.  How intriguing that you took it as a warning.  Is that how you felt while dreaming or when you woke up and remembered Real Mom and Real Letters with dread?  Perhaps you are afraid of your family's reaction to your own happiness, like waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Have you been punished for showing happiness in the past?  If so, this would be pretty hard to get past, the feeling ok to be happy.  To feel joy.  (I was supposed to happy all the same, not allowed to feel sad...)

Another thought was perhaps all the inner work you are doing is transforming the internal Nmom into a fairy godmother looking out for your wellbeing.  Just a hope for you   .  

Hugs, Seeker

[Discounted Girl]

Flower,
I think maybe the beautiful golden writing was not from your biological mother, but maybe from your internal mother, you nurturing and loving yourself, wishing yourself happiness.

Moonflower,
I used to dream about tornadoes several times per week, now I only dream them once every few months. I think it represents fear of not being able to stop disaster -- whether it relates specifically to an N, I don't know. I have also dreamed of walking down a street or in a field and jets fly over and drop bombs and I am running trying to dodge them and find somewhere to hide. I used to dream of falling from the car of a roller coaster and hanging on the rails by my hands and people stomping on my fingers, trying to get me to fall. Then the man in the black trench coat and hat always chasing me while I fly around -- he waits for me below while I hide on rooftops.  I posted the dream a long time ago of me as a little girl raking leaves with my Dad and as I looked up at the house the NQueenmother was in an upstairs window glaring down at me with hatred in her eyes. I told my Dad about my dream and he told me I should try to get along better with her. I was only about 7 yr old at the time.

Phoenix,
The dream you had must truly have been a connection to your Aunt's situation. She must have been a very special person -- I am struck by her concern for others in the face of a dismal prognosis. She made her own plans and attended to the details -- she loved her daughter so much she wanted to spare her. That is so very wonderful -- love, true and sweet.

[bunny]

flower,

Are you saying that the dream was about a part of yourself that doesn't give up hope on the parents, trying to seduce the more grownup parts of you?

bunny

[Anonymous]

Does this hope in part of us ever subside?  I know I feel it less as time goes by. I want to be prepared if I run into her at the regional shopping mall she comes to frequently near my home.  I'm taking the dream as a warning that I could still get snookered by my parents. I can be a softy so I better keep my metal petals on.

Yeah the hope subsides once you accept your parents' weaknesses and limitations. Some people don't want to face the sadness, loss and depression that follows.   Okay I now see the dream as a warning about running into your mom and being seduced by her. You have written yourself a message alerting you to the seduction.

bunny

[Moonflower]

...

[phoenix]

Flower,

 Detaching is taken one memory at a time, one invitation ignored at a time, one missed Holiday at a time... but after awhile, you look back, you see all the debris left behind on the road of your past- and the freedom from all that weight is gone - and it feels great. When I walked away from my dad I walked away from everyone on his side of the family. I am so sorry for that, they have no idea. But then if they wanted  they could have reached out to me. My sister after three years is just beginning to make amends with me. It was very hard. But it made me very strong and determined.

A turning point for me came  when I observed with horror my mom taking on the eccentricities that come with impending old age – and she wasn’t really that old at the time. The small entitlements, the conceding to old age and taking refuge in pleading her frailty. I had to develop whole new tactics in how to deal with her. It became less how to reach my mom than strategizing new boundaries as we traveled down this new path together. For my dad, step one, total withdrawal from his life. Step two will be  negotiated together when and if he sees that I am not coming back to his rule.


For me , the feelings have subsided, and acceptance is possible. It took bearing heavy grief, and feeling at times I would lose my mind as my past reshaped itself with my new understanding. I grew up in a whole different way than I ever thought, going through it.

You have a right and an obligation to find yourself in all this, and the only way is to accept the truth of them. Only in seeing them exactly as they are can you see exactly how you are. It is a tough exchange for someone who is giving, because you may be used to sacrificing yourself in all things, but wow- when you get a glimpse of who you really are apart from all that  it is worth it.  I am talking to myself here now as well  as I crest that hill. Don't ever look back with regret.  Lovingly,
Phoenix

[Anonymous]

Ellie - not logged in

Phoenix, Flower, Moonflower, Bunny, DG,

This is such a captivating subject. I usually can't remember my dreams, but wake up exhausted from running from the whole lot of them. There are bits and pieces of conversations which are stupid and I'm just aggrevated with them.

Phoenix, you talked about detaching and susided feelings. It brought up quite a lot of thougts for me. With the holidays approaching I realized I no longer miss anything from my family. I'm very happy to not have to deal with them. In fact I have reached the point where I really can't imagine me, my H and kids interacting with Nparents anymore. We are so different that it would be like spending the holiday with a complete stranger. It's been over 8 years since we had a holiday with them and I couldn't be happier.

I guess that means I am detached for the most part now.

There's no denying the feeling of loss and wishing we could have had a better family, but I have lost all desire to spend time around anyone in my family. Nparents have convined my sisters to keep away from all communication so we only get jabs once in a while.

Sorry for the rambling - so many thoughts - so little time...

[Anonymous]

Hi Flower,

Too bad about the phone message, ugh!  But I do feel so empowered when I delete messages.   Beep, gone!  

You asked about the symbolism of houses and locking things out.  Well, my suggestion would be that dreaming of a house you live in stands for your head or container for your thoughts.  Unconscious, conscious, all that.  Perhaps your daughter is trying to keep uncontrollable thoughts (rep. by the wild animals or dangerous intruders) out of her head.  Perhaps she is working on controlling her thoughts and emotions for her own safety...?  

I'm sorry to hear that your daughter is still upset.  It's understandable, given the awful betrayal.  I still question some of my decisions about my N and the only way I can justify it to myself is to revisit some of the hurts.  Wish I didn't have to do that.  


Hugs, Seeker