Kind of Weird

[Twoapenny]

Just pondering how odd families and human relationships can be at times.

My sister has recently left her husband after 26 years together.  He has always treated her like dirt, made her pay for everything but spent his money on himself, ruled the house with a rod of iron and was just generally unpleasant.  She's met a guy who's treating her well - they're just dating but she's having some fun and just enjoying herself.

Her daughter's furious and has told her she has to choose - either she dumps the boyfriend or her daughter says she's having nothing to do with her.  Of the three children I assumed that if any of them had a problem it would be her youngest son, just because he's the youngest really and a bit of a mummy's boy.  He's really happy for her.  The older boy has met the boyfriend, likes him and told his mum she should have left his dad years ago.  The dad has always treated the daughter particularly badly, including physically assaulting her twice and threatening to kill her, as well as throwing her out of home because she refused to obey him.  I just find it so odd that she's so angry at her mum over so very little (they're all over 18, by the way) and is totally on her dad's side, telling people he's been treated badly.

Not really looking for answers, just thinking out loud really.  Funny old business!

[lighter]

Life's funny, huh Tup?

I'm glad your sister's finding a bit of happiness.

Where did she end up living?

Lighter

[Hopalong]

Stockholm Syndrome (daughter).

I'm happy for your sister, Tupp.

Good for her. May her female child come to empathize with what her mother's been through (even while continuing to love her father, which must be the conflict).

xo

Hops

[Twoapenny]

Hey Lighter

She moved into staff accommodation at work and is really liking it!  There are four of them, they have a room each and then share kitchen and lounge.  It's like being students!  She's never had that kind of freedom before; she left controlling parents at 19 to live with controlling boyfriend who then became controlling husband.  She's spent nearly all her time indoors on her own over the last twenty years.  Hubby went out a lot and as the kids got older they all did their own thing, so she's kind of doing now what most of us do in our late teens/early twenties - just going out and having a bit of fun.  The rent's cheap where she is so she's got some money in her pocket and because of the way the accommodation is arranged and where it is there's no way hubby can get there and cause trouble, so she feels safe, which has made a big difference.  But, yeah, life is funny!

Hops, I remember reading about Stockhom Syndrome I think, it's where you identify with the abuser?  Was it something to do with kidnap victims originally?  It's funny, my sister doesn't expect the kids to pick a side or to sympathise with her, or even to like/approve of the new guy (even though all those things are nice).  It makes me think of the N thing because my neice is acting like a five year old - she's not usually like this.  Aaarrgghhh, Christmas!  If they want peace on earth they should ban it!! xx

[lighter]

That's right.

You told us she S had living arrangements under control.

She'd still be right there with you, had you not drawn that very appropriate boundary.

I'm so glad for you both.

Lighter

[Twoapenny]

Hi Lighter,

I think she'd have been with us for good if I hadn't asked her to go!  She's saving very little (no!) money towards a new place, but that doesn't affect me now so it's not bothering me the way it was when she was staying here.  I don't mind other people's lives as long as they aren't affecting mine, you know?  If she was still staying here I think we'd have had some bad rows by now, so we both came out of that situation well!  Thanks for your thoughts xx

[lighter]

Thanks for your thoughts xx

YVW: )