Hey Muffin... I hear ya about applying and the whole impersonal, screwed up application/admissions process. The first time I tried this, I walked out halfway through. Years later, I wound up teaching, then working behind the scenes at colleges. It sucks there too. Like Hops said, this "process" is a means to an end - nothing more, nothing less and from experience I can tell you the way you feel you're being treated really isn't personal. That in itself probably triggers some warning signals, huh?
Those poor front-line folk at colleges are kind of like first-responders. They learn quickly (or get other jobs) to not become personally involved with each person who shows up in front of them. They'll act friendly, be polite, and even sometimes go out of their way to be helpful... but if you're a perceptive person you'll catch on quickly that they really don't care. If they did really care about each and every person they worked with - they'd be burnt out and exhausted by lunch! Every day. Many are.
And the application, financial aid, etc bureaucratic process is incredibly redundant, cumbersome, absurdly targeted toward 18 yr olds who haven't graduated high school yet. Why this application process hasn't changed to reflect the reality that MOST of their students are now working adults - or at least adults trying to further their education - boggles the mind of rational people... and these are people who feel they're going to provide a great benefit of "education" to others??! BIG DUH.
OK - so that's the negative side of this mini-self-contained world within the real world. I'm not trying to discourage you at all - just saying you're perceptive, you are seeing things accurately, and I'm validating that and also your wariness about "what am I getting into??" Sometimes it's good to put the negative right out there... call it like it is... and then decide if you CAN or WANT to put up with that for the very real benefits/value attached to the pieces of paper issued by these places - and the opportunity to avail yourself of all the resources associated with school. (Truth: sometimes the resources available are way more important that the piece of paper at the end... even tho that's all employers usually care about.)
IF you do think you can put with the negative... then here's an idea - get to know some of these school bureaucrats in person. Even receptionists know how things work around there, who to talk to and will take you under their wing. They are very much real genuine people (some good, some fakey and lording it over others - just people, you know?). Get them involved in your story and in you and what you want to do... you will benefit from having a mentor or champion or buffer (or explainer of how this strange world works)... on the "inside" of the process. Professors are even good ones to select for this - though they're so busy, it's harder to get their attention... for instance an art prof might walk you through the whole app process and give you some good advice along the way, even if you only take one or two art classes and major in something else.
But what you need to get through that initial confrontation with paperwork and BS, is a real connection with a real person. There are people in all schools who know that there are people like you and me - I felt assaulted by the whole rigamarole of applying, you know? Of course, one is being "judged", too - ACT/SAT test scores, writing ability, etc. But it is possible to get through that process, with some assistance from someone you've connected with. I did quite a bit of this with students from other cultures who barely spoke english - but after they'd arrived on campus... because at that stage, there's usually quite a bit more "orientation" needed even for commuter students into this strange world... with it's own geography... rules... rulers...
So let me dangle a carrot now, about what I said about school resources being way more important than the end result. You are obviously a self-learner... someone who doesn't need "teaching" as much as the space and time to immerse yourself in the knowledge, information, and application of that in a real way... school provides this. It also provides "membership" - in your graduating class, in a classroom, in the new people you'll meet. You can blend in as much as you want - and still be an individual; seen as an individual. Recognized for yourself and your current and potential skills and value AS A PERSON. You'll have an opportunity - whether you avail yourself of it or not - to make some real lasting relationships. Maybe not with other students, necessarily - but with teachers, janitors, librarians, etc - the real people in those places. The real humans behind the bureaucracy.
It's a relatively safe place to re-assemble yourself, grow into yourself, and figure out where you really want to "land" after launching after school. To learn the rules of "navigation" out in the real world... and decide if it's worth it.
My hubs is one those people that I met in the school setting and many of our friends we met there, continue to be friends long after we've all left that space.
But only you can know if that's a path that has any value or attraction for you. Plenty of people actually do just fine, without pieces of paper... my hubs is one who attended classes... and didn't graduate... and he's way smarter than a lot of the administrators he worked for.
