Confusion

[Lupita]

I would like to read that article. Can you give me the link?

I just sent her an e-mail telling her that I will not be able to host her for the next couple of months. She wrote back asking me what did she do. So, I wrote her back telling her that some issues that we can talk in person later.

I tolde her college calsses nd professional developmnent I havwe to take on weekends. And if she digs deepper I will tell her everything that bothers me. But I do not really want her in my house any more.

Tha thing is that i feel very lonely and sad. I want to have somebody, a female friend, or a relative, or a boyfriend, or just somebody to share activities and to do things together.

I feel very sad now.

[Lupita]

M has the box of my new piano, its mannual, two pair of shoes, and a sweater.

I am afraid of contacting him.

I need my things. I asked him for my sweater the other day several days ago, I have not seen him since. that the sweather was in his car and the car was there and hw did not want to give it to me. He did not go to the dances all this week.

M is a bad person.

[Hopalong]

http://www.salon.com/life/since_you_asked/2011/01/25/alcoholic_sister/index.html

Leaving "stuff" and not letting it go, is another form of staying attached to the person.

Think about what you need more: a sweater, shoes, a box, an electric piano manual...

Or your serenity and peace of mind. (You can find the piano manual on the internet. A sweater? NEED sweater? NEED shoes? I believe you can let them go. To make sure there is no lingering involvement, communication, attachment with M, which is not healthy for you...)

Yes, you are enduring sadness, as you learn to not fuse with people. As you replace fusion and fast attachment with Lupita-love, Lupita-therapy, Lupita-creativity, Lupita-courage, Lupita-NEW-thoughts...this sadness will change.

Sadness is not your permanent emotion, only your habitual one.

What about friendships where you do not spend the night together?

What about meeting people for lunch, for a weekend daytime walk, for a class or art event you attend together?

xo
Hops

[lighter]

http://www.salon.com/life/since_you_asked/2011/01/25/alcoholic_sister/index.html

Leaving Yes, you are enduring sadness, as you learn to not fuse with people. As you replace fusion and fast attachment with Lupita-love, Lupita-therapy, Lupita-creativity, Lupita-courage, Lupita-NEW-thoughts...this sadness will change.

Sadness is not your permanent emotion, only your habitual one.xo
Hops

I really liked the way you put that, Hops.

I wanted to read it one more time; )

Lighter

[Hopalong]

thanks, Lighter.

(I majored in fusion.)


Hops

[Lupita]

I sent her e-mail that I cannot host her for a couple of months. She e-mail me back with several paragraphs that she did not understand, bla bla hbla nla

I answer her that i hope that sleep over was not a condition for friendship.

She is coming tonight for the dance. We will meet at a mall and go to have dinner at the restaurnat where my son is playing, then go to the dance. After that she has to go home.

If she insist I will tell her the truth. But I cannot believe that at 50 years old she does not know that using four towels in a day and drinking all the cream available and putting shoes on the bed and clippin toe nels on the bed is bad behavior for a host that is giving you hospitality for the first time.

So, if she p[retends that hse has not done anything, I will tell her that I just dont want company at home. Just to party. Period. if she does not understand, then she has tog give company to M.

Believe it or not there are four men interested in me. One already ask me if I would go to dinner with him some time. I said "that would be nice" but did not do anything else, did not ask when, etc. Hope that that was a good way to behave.

[bearwithme]

Lupita ((((((((((())))))))))))

You are alright.  I now that you can convey your message to her the way you want and I if she does not understand, that's up to her...

Hope that doesn't sound to harsh.

Good luck,

Bear.

[Hopalong]

GOOD JOB, LUP!

Keep up the slooooooooooooooooooow pace with people, avoid fusion, and do daytime getting-to-know-you things...

Wow. This is great news.

xxoo
Hops

[lighter]

All good news, Lupe, and it sounds like you're doing OK.

I'm with Hops..... get to know people very slowly.

Take your time.

Listen to what they're saying.

Lighter

[Lupita]

I dont understand why you say good, and I feel terribly lonely.

Somebody in my house, feel uncomfortable, alone feels uncomfortable, so lonely!!!!!

No matter what, feels lonely.

[lighter]

I think it hurts to replace old coping mechanisms, Lupita.

It hurts to stop stuffing our emptiness with familiar distractions that harm us.

It hurts to make unfamiliar choices, even if our rational minds know we're on the track.

Maybe we just have to get to a point where we're sick to death of our old patterns, freeing us up to face the despair of forming new ones?

Finally.

What's that saying?

"When the pain of staying is greater than the pain of leaving.... then we go."

This is your search for new coping strategies, Lupe.

This is what healthy growth feels like.

So keep journaling.

Keep researching healthy boundaries.

Keep making mindful choices, even if you're still in pain.

What becomes habit, becomes pleasure.

Eventually your new habits will take root, and you'll look around and realize you aren't so much hurting anymore.

It just sort of sneaks up on you, if you stick with it.

Lighter