Author Topic: Responsibility  (Read 4094 times)

sKePTiKal

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Re: Responsibility
« Reply #15 on: March 01, 2011, 03:57:05 PM »
magic words work better if they're a little fun!

hee-hee!
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Twoapenny

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Re: Responsibility
« Reply #16 on: March 02, 2011, 04:21:18 AM »
Lol, Phoenix, I've had a whole host of words to describe my family at times, all of them a lot ruder than twit!  I remember in the early days of therapy I used to see this lovely lady who was in her late sixties, very proper and very posh.  She worked out of a little ante-room in this huge house she had with her husband and she had a very comfortable sofa adjacent to large french windows so as you sat and talked about all sorts of unpleasant things you had this lovely view across the lake, the gardens and out into the woods - very peaceful and tranquil.

We were talking about my mum's constant talking inside my head and this very proper therapist told me to tell her to f**k off, very loudly, every time she said anything.  I remember gasping, I was so shocked, and then falling into hysterics at hearing this very well spoken lady telling me to f and blind at an imaginary voice.  I still do it sometimes though, and it does work :)

I suppose it's like anything else; it all takes work and it all takes time to get used to.  It's better than it used to be.  I do think about her sometimes, her views of the world, her opinions on people, relationships and so on, and I see her for what she is - a mad old bat, although a very destructive one.  I just find it frightening that I hung on her every word for thirty years and didn't do a thing that she wouldn't approve of.  Now my sister and I have swopped roles; she is the GC and I am the black sheep.  I enjoy my freedom now but I feel sad for my sister being stuck in that prison and her poor children who are being raised the same way we were.  No doubt her poor little daughter is being made to feel like dirt on a daily basis :(

sKePTiKal

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Re: Responsibility
« Reply #17 on: March 02, 2011, 07:13:39 AM »
That's great - the nice, sweet little old lady telling you to say that! I love that picture...
because it sums up - for me - how it would've been possible to avoid some of the worst of the hurt I went through, you know?

Of course, as little kids, our parents appeared to be all-powerful and our very physical survival hinged on being "OK" enough to the parent to be fed, clothed, etc.... but our psyche depended on them, also. How we developed as a "self"... and at least in my case, I made it my life's mission to always, always make sure I had permission to breathe... play... be something related to who I knew I was - but dare not show to Nmom. So I was always, always looking for approval and usually only getting attention at all when I made her angry or wasn't good enough or whatever. I felt I wasn't allowed to make mistakes... that there was something inherently very, very wrong with me... that I should've been one of those babies left on the mountain to freeze, starve and be eaten by vultures...

F off, indeed!  :D    Thanks for sharing that!
Success is never final, failure is never fatal.

Hopalong

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Re: Responsibility
« Reply #18 on: March 02, 2011, 07:49:23 PM »
I'm wondering whether because she got and grabbed the wisdom of a child yelling loudly in its own defense...that's why she so succeeded in her life?

Hops
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Twoapenny

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Re: Responsibility
« Reply #19 on: March 03, 2011, 01:37:04 AM »
Hopsie, you might be right.  I had to stop my sessions with her because she retired, but we kept in email contact afterwards and she told me about her life, which had been really hard for a long time.  But because she worked really hard on herself (which is how she eventually got into doing counselling for other people) her fortune seemed to change - she said once she truly believed she deserved good things they started to come.  Obviously she couldn't tell me all of that when I was her client but once she retired she had a really amazing story to tell and there were a lot of similarities between her early life and the way mine was at the time.  It gave me hope that I'd end up with a really lovely life at some point.

Phoenix, yes, exactly!  It's sad to say but I have been so much healthier since I cut my mum out of my life :(  I just feel that there isn't room for both of us - it's her or me.  Maybe that will change one day.  As we're both getting older I feel like the positions are changing - she's not all powerful like she used to be and I'm doing pretty well in my own life - even on bad days I manage them okay, you know?  There's still a lot there, obviously, but I feel more like I'm doing a long journey with a map and a compass now, rather than just heading off and hoping for the best :)