Hi Phoenix,
Wow, eating candy all day sounds good! Lol
I will retain my sensible head, though, and not over-do it
I've thought a lot about what you've written and I think the thing that keeps coming to me is that I don't have any fun - or not enough fun, anyway. By the time I've done the responsible stuff all the time, energy and money is gone. And when I do do fun stuff it seems to be over really quickly and the tedious stuff takes over really fast.
I think my energy levels are a real problem. I get tired so quickly these days. We were out yesterday and did have a nice time, but I was literally ready for bed by 5pm - way too early! So perhaps I need to work on that as a first stop, so that I've at least got more energy to do more fun stuff if I get the chance! I'll keep thinking all of this over. Thank you
Hi Lighter,
Yes, that's exactly how I feel! I was watching a series about tribes recently, different tribes in remote areas who live off the land, hunt and fish, whose way of life has remained largely unchanged for centuries, maybe even longer than that (although sadly the programme was about their way of life being threatened by logging companies and so on). I felt a kind of envy of their lifestyle. It's hard work, there's no doubt about that, and some of the stuff they eat didn't look great, I must admit! But there's a simplicity about their lives that really appealed to me, and a sort of companionship that's always there because they live as a group, look after each other's children and so on. Something about that really touched me. I guess it's about trying to pull out the elements you like and minimise the ones you don't. And I guess it's about change, as always, which is scary and unsettling even if it's for the better.
Thank you
Hops, yes, I get exactly what you're saying - it's that lack of someone sharing my life that I think I actually find so difficult. And like you, my family are 'close' to each other, albeit in a dysfunctional way that I couldn't cope with. I think something else I struggled with is finding that so many of my friends were unhealthy (in terms of how they related to me, or me to them, I guess), so I kind of cut them out too and found myself all alone. I still think that being alone, unhappy and 'real' is better than being part of something and hiding/blocking out any unhappiness that brings - but it's tough and knowing you're taking a sort of "I'll do this because it's good for me even though it doesn't feel like it" approach doesn't necessarily make it any easier. I hope your situation eases for you soon? It's hard to know what's good enough sometimes - sometimes I feel like I don't care about it at all and other times it feels like the be all and end all of life! Hugs for you ((((((((((((Hops)))))))))))))))))
Izzy, you are so right, starting at the end and working backwards would make life so much easier! I watched that film, Benjamin Button, where exactly that happens, and it was fascinating! I sometimes wonder if taking on other people's responsibilities is what's left me so tired now? I did used to feel responsible for my parents, even as a very young child, and as an adult took on their problems, other siblings, dodgy men, friends with drug/alcohol problems etc, and always felt very much that it was down to me to fix it. I don't feel that way so much any more, although I do still get twinges and have to really fight them off at times. I wonder if I want someone else to feel responsible for me sometimes? Too late for that now, but I wonder if it still niggles at me from time to time? Thank you xx
CB, yes, I wonder if I need to simplify things somehow? I seem to spend half of my life cooking, maybe that is one area I ought to focus on? Cleaning the house seems to be a never ending task and you're right, when you have a little one it's a largely pointless task! Perhaps I need to focus on simplyfying the day to day stuff and then the bigger stuff will start to shift on it's own?
Thank you. You've all given me lots to think about, and work on, as always! Thank you
