Thanks for your answers - and sharing how you're you are thinking/feeling about this conflict, Boat. All that rocks, for me! (hee-hee)
I've got my own conflict going on, right now... and like you I feel it's time I let other people know I have rights that I don't have to give away, simply to smooth things over & "get along", according to someone else's plan. I have done this so many times, in these situations, I deserve to have "doormat" tattoo'd on my forehead. It's pretty clear that's what my FOO always expects of me.
But what to do, about all the peacekeepers who encourage one to back down? When that's the least healthy (or positive even) outcome for oneself? When making that stand is absolutely essential for one's own progress to healing, how much credence does one owe to the philosophy that "the bigger person gives way" or backs down, for the sake of peace? And as a consequence, only reinforces the old habit in oneself, and expectation of others that one will continue avoiding conflict - at one's own expense, usually, too.
I mean, if there's a time to walk away... doesn't that also mean, there's a time to stand your ground; stand up for, declare, and defend your rights?
When does "turning the other cheek" and "letting it go or slide" become self-destructive?
Rhetorical questions; you don't need to give me an answer to these. I'm just sharing back some of what my thought process about conflict is, right now. I'd love to FIND an answer, mind you... but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's one of those things that's situational, and depends on whether a person can live with all the possible outcomes (that one can think of - there are always some one can't anticipate or predict).
Your thought process about this, is helping mine get past some of the old habits and brainwashing; I wasn't inherently the person who would always back down - that was forced on me, by the MomBro.