But isn't it odd how you feel shame and they don't? They're in the wrong but we're the ones that feel bad? Wow. Messes with your head!!
Yes, it really messes with your head. They "project"out their shame to anyone with the ability to feel it, I think - because they can't... followed with blame... and the kind of accusations you have documented. Anger & rage, too... sometimes.
As to your project, I also am in the midst of deciding to do something along the same lines. Right now, struggling with concepts of fairness, self-interest, and even questioning my own perception (for the millionth time...). Some of my support believes that reality will dawn on my Bro... very, very soon. And refer to themselves as "glass half full people". If I could come up with at least one or two examples of that kind of turnaround and accepting of reality... I would be tempted to really doubt myself and buy the glass half full vision; I patiently tried for 2 years as it is... however, it's a glass half empty when what I know from long experience to be true, keeps being proven over & over: they aren't going to change - nothing wrong with them, you know? - and instead, they keep tagging me with all kinds of dismissing and discounting comments and behavior.
For a long time, I've aspired to the vision of "they just don't matter anymore" that Hops described so well. I really would like to be able to feel that; be in that place. But, for whatever reason - this last go-round with MomBro - has made me realize that I can't do that UNTIL, I have squared away all the legal stuff in such a way that they can't exert an iota of control over me for any reason. Where I don't have to always be the adult in the room, saying something has to be done about X... being avoided, decisions delayed beyond reason, and even flat held hostage financially. Maybe I can try to revisit Hops' vision of peace, after...
... but the fact remains: no one - absolutely no one, including Hubs - can do what's necessary or make the decisions that will make it possible for me to plainly, in no uncertain terms, state my rights... and reject the attempts at control (passive or overt)... only I can make the decision to stand up for myself - clear the air - and take care of myself. I'm not exactly rushing into this, myself. I had to and still am, taking a step back from that for a bit - breathing - making sure of the result I want (or think I want)... looking at possible other reactions and consequences...
so Tupps - what will her GP be able to do, assuming he recognizes the behaviors in your documentation? (There is always a possibility that you will not be believed - don't know about you, but that's such a big risk for me that, for a long time I've been unwilling to take it. No more.) Where is the hall of justice for emotional abuse? Where are the legal consequences? How can it be proved... in court? About the closest legal issue to what you've endured would be slander & libel that would be addressable in court. She has smeared your reputation, correct? Probably with people in a position to provide/deny you and your son assistance... that might be enough to interest an advocate or lawyer... I don't know. In the US, probably not - unless things were posted on the internet, published, on tv... etc.
But, do me a favor - and keep your documentation. Distill it. Put it into publishable form.... but hold on to it; use it to heal some more first... and decide later on, what you really want to do with it. It was people with stories like yours who came out and told them, that helped inspire and spread the rape support groups; domestic violence shelters and assistance and lobbied for and got some changes to the legal system here - that, while there's still work to be done - those laws (and enforcement) are better than they used to be.
The fact that there's such an extensive papertrail and you've documented it so well is unusual; and probably valuable down the road.