"He also tends to text me to say good morning and good night, which is really sweet (and I've told him I really like this). He's been saying he's going to come down and visit but hasn't arranged anything yet. He has friends down here he can stay with so he could come for a couple of days and see his friends/family as well as the two of us getting together.
However, he keeps saying he will but nothing has been organised and when I've asked he's said soon but can't/won't be more specific. ....... it's been feeling like we talk on the phone but
nothing more than that will come of it. Also it was me that went up there last time; I don't want to get into a childish sort of 'it's your turn now' but I do feel that as I've made the effort he ought to as well, particularly as it's very early days.
The last couple of days I've hardly heard from him. He'll reply if I text but isn't texting as he normally would; I called him yesterday and he didn't really have time to talk, said he would call later and didn't. ...... but I am now feeling the odd/awkward thing that I normally have around men!!
I don't know what 'normal' is? I don't know if I'm just being silly/over-reacting or if I'm picking up "I'm not interested" signals that I should be taking notice of. I would like to ask him how he's feeling about where things are with the two of us next time I speak to him but I feel like I want to leave the ball in his court now as I've felt he's not so keen at the mo and I don't want to keep pestering him -
maybe he's a bit screwed up like me and needs a bit of space from time to time?"
Hi two,
I used to feel the way you have described: what is normal? I can't understand this guy: his actions do not reflect his words. Where do I stand? What can I/should I do? Am I doing something wrong? Is he doing something wrong? It all makes no sense to me, I'm very confused.
I'm no expert, but I've read a lot of books & done a lot of therapy, so this is what I think: This guy's words do not accurately reflect his actions. He says he'll come visit, but he does not. He texts you morning & night, but now he's not communicating with you. You don't know what he feels or where you stand because he's not communicating with you. To me, at the very least, he sounds passive-aggressive.
I think an underlying question/issue is why are you tolerating this behavior? You know you want & deserve better treatment, we all do. So, what is "it" within you/me/us that allows us to accept/tolerate bad treatment/bad behavior? A big part is our lack of self esteem/self worth and thinking we don't deserve better.
Here's a great article called "Warning Signs That You're Dating a Loser" by Joseph M Carver, Ph.D.
http://mental-health-matters.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=171To gain insight as to why we tolerate & accept this type of behavior, I recommend the book "The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships" by Patrick J. Carnes
http://www.amazon.com/Betrayal-Bond-Breaking-Exploitive-Relationships/dp/1558745262Also, take a look at the books Dr. G has posted on this web site. I think many of them are very helpful
Hope this helps.