Surrounded

[Overcomer]

Why are us poor dysfunctional children of Ns surrounded by dysfunction?   I just want to be related to normal people.   My H sister sent us a hate email.  Real, bold, awful barbs.   Here I am fighting fir my life and she told me she didn't send flowers this last hospital stay because I didn't send a thank you card. 

Meanwhile my loser cousin mooches off my mom and us walking dysfunction. 

I sent my ex to child support recovery and he owes me $35,000 and he is trying to make me feel guilty. 

And Nmom continues to act more forgetful.  She throws fits if she doesn't get her way. 

I just want normal !!

[Hopalong]

I'm really sorry, Kelly.

It's too much.

I think chances are nobody outside of you, external forces, especially family, won't change much...
but with all you face and all you're fighting---you deserve harmony and peace.

It'll have to come from inside....it's already there, already inside you,
no matter what they do or don't do.

Listen for it...trust that you have it. You do.

love to you,
Hops

[Overcomer]

Thanks Hops!!

[Ales2]

Sorry Kelly. I hear that struggle loud and clear. I'm in a depression study and I told my monitor that one of the problems that paralyzes me from moving forward with anything these days is that I just dont know how to attract better bosses. jobs, relationships. Everything turns out to be the same as before and I keep repeating dead ends.  I just want normal too!

((((((((((((((Kelly))))))))))))))


If anyone can figure out how to attract better things as we are making ourselves stronger please let us know!

[BonesMS]

It seems we attract what has been familiar to us since birth.  It's hard to recognize the big picture when standing so close to it.  It takes courage to speak out and declare:  "I want something better and HEALTHIER!"

Bones

[Overcomer]

I want to lash out.  I wanted to yell and scream at my sister in law.  I want to get a lawyer and try to stop the mooching.   I am taking the upper hand on my ex.  No, I won't call it good!!  He wanted me to tell a judge we were square then he promises he'll pay me for the rest of my life!  Ha.  He's betting I won't live long!!!!

Then the stress got to husband and he has been drunk the last 3 days!!  Hate that !!

Plus I am so tired.  No motivation AT ALL. 

Tiring!!

[BonesMS]

I want to lash out.  I wanted to yell and scream at my sister in law.  I want to get a lawyer and try to stop the mooching.   I am taking the upper hand on my ex.  No, I won't call it good!!  He wanted me to tell a judge we were square then he promises he'll pay me for the rest of my life!  Ha.  He's betting I won't live long!!!!

Then the stress got to husband and he has been drunk the last 3 days!!  Hate that !!

Plus I am so tired.  No motivation AT ALL. 

Tiring!!

ACCCKKKK!!!!!   

[sKePTiKal]

Hm. Wonder what the judge would say, if you "let slip" the under the table settlement you were offered by the ex?
I can't imagine that would sit too well.

[Overcomer]

Can you divorce family members?  I want to say, "you and I are no longer family.". I am forever done with you.

[SilverLining]

Can you divorce family members?  I want to say, "you and I are no longer family.". I am forever done with you.

Hi OC. If  only I had a nickel for every time I've had that or similar thoughts,  there'd be enough money to move to a desert island and actually go through with the divorce

I know the surrounded feeling very well.  I seem to attract nutjobs everywhere I go .  A couple of ideas I've come up with.  First, the conditioning from the dysfunctional FOO makes us very accustomed  to putting up with crap from other people, and the Nish types quickly pick up on this.  The FOO process implanted feelings of guilt if we don't put up with the crap, which makes us feel overly responsible for the well being of others.  And because we put up with so much of it, we are sensitized to the stuff.   I have physical "gut feelings" when I am dealing with Narcissistic people.  But then I feel bad about setting boundaries and keeping them at a distance.  I have a hard time even putting down the phone when they are droning on with their self absorbed nonsense. 

Consciousness of the processes has made an improvement.  I keep reminding myself I'm not in any way responsible for their well being.  And I don't need to put up with their stuff. 

[sKePTiKal]

SL: with enough "practice" setting those boundaries, the guilt fades away and those boundaries become just another thing on our self-care to-do list. But, it is still a pain in the derriere that it's even necessary with the nefarious FOO transgressors. I honestly don't know of a total "cure" for that.

The part of all this that I still don't like, is that I tend to be too wary of other people - who aren't necessarily as Nish as the zombie-foo who never change. Being around nicer people is a great antidote to that feeling of being surrounded, Kelly! It doesn't have any effect on the zombie-foo - read: they never change - but what it does do is balance out one own's life... adds a lot more positive into it so that the effect of zombie-foo-ism is counteracted. It bothers us less - more mosquito annoyance than predator danger.

So, here's a great big HUG and a "don't let the turkeys get you down"!

((((((((((((((Kelly)))))))))))))))

[Ales2]

Hi OC -

About divorcing those pesky parents...hmmm. there is a book out there called, yes, you guessed it, DIVORCING A PARENT by Beverly Engel PhD. I have not read this book, but have read others by the same author and she knows her stuff.

There is also a website about it here:
http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/2009/05/how-to-divorce-your-parents-minors-emancipation-can-you-divorce-your-parents.html

Hope this helps you. All the best to you (((((((((((((OC))))))))))))))

Ales2

[Overcomer]

I told my Nmom yesterday that I wasn't sorry about calling out my mooch cousin and his wife.  Mom and I have been getting along so well, I just thought she might comfort me.  Of course, she didn't but she also didn't give me the death glare so I guess that is progress.

I got a clean scan at Mayo which means at this moment I am cancer free!!  I should feel good but I am depressed.

I think watching back to back Greys Anatomy episodes on netflix is making me that way.  Every show people die and relationships go all to hell.  Too much of an emotional roller coaster.

[Dr. Richard Grossman]

I got a clean scan at Mayo which means at this moment I am cancer free!! 

That's great news, Kelly!

Best,

Richard

[BonesMS]

I told my Nmom yesterday that I wasn't sorry about calling out my mooch cousin and his wife.  Mom and I have been getting along so well, I just thought she might comfort me.  Of course, she didn't but she also didn't give me the death glare so I guess that is progress.

I got a clean scan at Mayo which means at this moment I am cancer free!!  I should feel good but I am depressed.

I think watching back to back Greys Anatomy episodes on netflix is making me that way.  Every show people die and relationships go all to hell.  Too much of an emotional roller coaster.

(((((((((((((((((((Overcomer!!!!!!!)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Bones