Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
new phase
river:
--- Quote --- One thing I've noticed lately, is that this resistance has a knee-jerk reflex when another person tries to tell me "don't be like that"... "don't phrase it that way"... as if they are trying to define me and mold my expression of my feelings and self into something that THEY prefer me to be
--- End quote ---
........ and people often do say that one way or other dont they? .........
Your way of healing, that hug sort of bit didnt really work for me. In fact nothing did. Lots nearly did. And I always felt that theres something which will work for people like me, if it could be put together.
r
Guest:
Glad it's working for you PR.
I get a bit bored with 'me' sometimes, know what I mean?
edit: that may have sounded trite, so I'll add some more words. Hmmm...choose something to talk about:
it's an unrealistic expectation of others... that they are going to be exactly what you want them to be at all times.
It's more than unrealistic!
I don't know PR. Where are you going? When will you 'get there'? Will you ever 'get there'? What's wrong with 'here'? Nobody's perfect. If a person aims for perfect, who are they going to converse with?
It's like the 100 year old in an old folks' home whose kids and peers have all died. Okay it depends on attitude, but realistically, that's not going to be top of most peoples' lists of 'what I want in life'. I'd imagine.
So what's the next phase? What number is 'death' on the list? Seriously.
sKePTiKal:
Yes, FW... I agree about it getting boring after awhile! In an odd way, tho... it's also very comforting and self-soothing. But, this duality of self means I'm not comfortable in my own skin -- STILL -- much of the time. So I'm making smaller and more delicate "refinements"... and yes, I'm that detail-oriented; I used to do stippling pen & ink drawings... and loved drypoint.
River, I don't know that this will work for me either. But it feels right, I have an intuition that it'll work. Or heck, maybe I'm really going off the deep end into wacko-land! Like FW reminds me... no one makes it to the "goal" (and no one who proclaims they have can live up to it)... somewhere along that path we deal with mortality and what does that mean for people who have been or are, split? That's on my to-do list, too... I've been working through those legal documents and trying to make choices; hopefully we'll finalize that soon. The experience itself... well, that'll be something REALLY different, I think! LOL...
I guess I'm creating a way for myself to measure "progress" - a personal definition. I'm doing "good" when I'm being open to people and actively being with people, in a social setting... and not squirming in discomfort about whether my last comment was TMI, really stupid... when I don't have that much focus me at all... when I can simply be me, with other people and not be afraid at the same time... that the shame-shoe is going to drop on my head. When I'm not "hiding in plain sight".
Guest:
PR
--- Quote ---and not squirming in discomfort about whether my last comment was TMI, really stupid.
--- End quote ---
what is it called if you turn that around? I mean, not about oneself. Is there such a thing as paying too much attention to others? And I don't mean in a caring way; I mean in focus terms. Ha! I guess that might look like a Psycho Therapist. That's a joke. Not a bad one, either. :D
edit: I mean my paying attention. I reckon that needed clarifying for understanding by others. I think that probably makes my point?
sKePTiKal:
Psycho Therapist... ha ha!
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