Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
"Nobody will ever love you as much as I do"
river:
this is my point. What Dr Tian wrote:
--- Quote --- Same with the addict: the needs of those around them have to come second to their meeting their own, often overpowering desire for their next "fix" whether it be a drink, drug, food or sexual encounter. Both the narcissist and the addict are first and foremost self absorbed. They come first.
--- End quote ---
........ I came accross this all the time in recovery. I can work with that, but it misses some vital truth, that I was addicted to him and the price was feeding everything of me into him. Its just as toxic, but it is the opposite way round, mirror version. These differentials exist amongst addicts too. 2 sides of a relational bargain from hell. But compelling and addictive. And still, all the attention in recovery goes to the N paradigm. In fact the underlying dynamics are so often slightly more complex.
BonesMS:
--- Quote from: river on November 27, 2011, 07:18:57 AM ---this is my point. What Dr Tian wrote:
--- Quote --- Same with the addict: the needs of those around them have to come second to their meeting their own, often overpowering desire for their next "fix" whether it be a drink, drug, food or sexual encounter. Both the narcissist and the addict are first and foremost self absorbed. They come first.
--- End quote ---
........ I came accross this all the time in recovery. I can work with that, but it misses some vital truth, that I was addicted to him and the price was feeding everything of me into him. Its just as toxic, but it is the opposite way round, mirror version. These differentials exist amongst addicts too. 2 sides of a relational bargain from hell. But compelling and addictive. And still, all the attention in recovery goes to the N paradigm. In fact the underlying dynamics are so often slightly more complex.
--- End quote ---
I'm not quite sure which is worse... a sober N, an dry-drunk N, or an intoxicated N whose brain is fried and scrambled on alcohol and/or drugs.
Bones
OnlyMe:
Hello,
Just popped in to the board, for some reassurance that I am not alone....
and this thread grabbed me...and this is my reaction :
YES, I know this sentence only too well.
And, it was always said by my NM as she was abusing me, calling it "Love" :
"There is no greater Love on this earth than a Mother's Love for her child."
"There is no greater thing that a child can do than to Give her life for her parent. God will have a special place in Heaven for you, if you do."
Realizing this deviates from the way the thread has gone, I felt I wanted to comment, because this struck a raw nerve with me, as I recognized the sentence, only too well, unfortunately. Big Shudder. Thankfully, I now realize it is all Manipulative Lies, but not before tremendous emotional damage was done.
Sorry, realizing I am almost starting a rant, but truthfully, this is still somewhat raw in my life, because, you see, I believed her............ :(
Meh:
--- Quote from: BonesMS on November 27, 2011, 07:47:55 AM ---I'm not quite sure which is worse... a sober N, an dry-drunk N, or an intoxicated N whose brain is fried and scrambled on alcohol and/or drugs.
Bones
--- End quote ---
Uhhhggg....feeling dizzy
Now I can clearly see how unclear it really is. God help me.
I never saw it that way before Bones, clearly points out the necessity to somehow not get involved with them too deep.
~~Maybe writing here on the board, ruminating and regurgitating puts psychological space between us and them? What choice do we have, just pushing it out of mind doesnt help, Well maybe sometimes it does but somehow it resurfaces always.
~~Ya know, I'm really struggling with this simplicity vs. Complexity thing. I mean I'm not going to get a PhD in Psychology so I am asking myself just how many layers of "complexity" am I going to entertain, you know the feeling that every end of a string is tied onto another string and pull that one up and then at the bottom of that is another and another. And does this bring us out of the dark and into the light I just don't know.
Meh:
From the Dr. Tian Dayton article:
Freud said that we become jealous of the narcissist because they seem to be so pleasantly oblivious to the feelings of accountability to others that the rest of us are plagued by. "Wouldn't it be nice," we think, "to be free of this burden of awareness of the needs and feelings of others and simply ask ourselves one question, what do I want?"
~~Yes, Pleasantly Oblivious is a very good way to put it.
I could read and read explanations until I rot. I mean what useful thing can we do with these explanations?
Sorry, I am just so frustrated because for all the explanations out there, still there is NO good answer.
I just want things to get better, I don't even want to understand anymore. I don't want to pour over complexities.
No wonder people turn to drugs and fantasy because IT NEVER GOES AWAY and THERE IS NO WAY TO FIX IT.
What a lump of garbage they bequeathed to us. I didn't choose this nor did I ask for it!
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