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Father with cancer and narcissistic mother

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Lucky:
Also the fourth and last year of my studies just started  :shock:. I work fulltime and my father is getting worse and I will have to write my thesis all at the same time  :(.

Lucky:
My father has a crooked leg and a few days ago it was looked at. It appears his leg is broken and he has been going up and down the stairs with it  :shock:! It can not be treated in any way because the leg had already been given radiation treatment  :cry:. It looks like he will soon end up in a weelchair.

Hopalong:
Lucky, what a sad development.
It's really hurting your heart to see your Dad suffer this.

The last chapter of life can be such a tough one.
I'm very sorry.

One wee piece of advice. For my D, her stepmother was
dying of cancer while my D was in the last stretch of her graduate degree.
I pleaded with her to focus on her studies even while this
sad event was unspooling, and not let it derail her completely from
her goal.

She did let it. And will regret it forever. Now, it's unlikely that
she'll ever complete that degree for which she got so deeply in
debt, and around which she had built so many hopes.

I believe your father would want, most of all, for you to do
what is best for your own long life, right now. So ... I hope
you will find a way to focus intensely on your work, while it
is necessary to. When you're visiting him, you can be fully
present. But otherwise, this truly is a time to compartmentalize.

He would wish that for you, I would bet a lot.

love,
Hops

Lucky:
Dear Hops,
Thank you for your kind response. I am trying hard to stay focused on my studies but have asked the college what will happen if I really need to focus on my dad and they told me that a little delay because of my father will be accepted. Also the HR people from the company I work for and that is paying for my education tell me the same. So that is a relief. However I would like it if my father would still be alive when I get my diploma. He is very proud of me studying.

Hopalong:
He's TOTALLY proud of you!
And maybe pushing on through would be a great gift to him.

If you can't, though, just remember that grief can derail you
too. (You're not my D, I should remember. But she pushed
herself to the breaking point and beyond, and has never
been able to re-start.)

Worry but understand,
Hops

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