Voicelessness and Emotional Survival > Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board

Revenge Fantasies?

<< < (5/6) > >>

mudpuppy:
To me revenge is a dish best served........not at all.
If we are seeking revenge, even in fantasy, we will never be able to forgive.
 If we can't forgive we will never be able to heal.
If we can't heal who is being harmed more, us or the N? That's precisely what they want; us bound up in their system and values, permanently messed up by the effects of their mental problems. They live to make everyone feel just a little more miserable than they do. That's their bizarre idea of "winning".
Besides, revenge is precisely what these clowns feed off of the most; painting themselves as the poor victims of evil monsters who are just what they warned everyone we were all along.
Now, any legitimate avenue for restitution or recompense is fine because it's justice. But revenge isn't justice. In most ways it's the opposite.

mud

P.S. And a Holly Jolly Christmas to one and all.

sunblue:
Hmmm...I agree with JustKathy...with a twist.  I believe Ns can definitely place themselves (in their own minds anyway) in the shoes of those they believe are worthy of them (the Queen, star athletes, super-wealthy, celebrities, etc.) but never in the shoes of just your average Joe or Jane.....or their children or spouse.  However, even in this, it is limited.  They could put themselves in those shoes as long as the situation fosters their high belief of themselves.....basically, only the good, never the bad.  So, while they could empathize with the super wealthy during the good times, they never could when that super wealthy person takes a public fall.

As far as the "victim" part, my experience that there are times when an N portrays themselves as a victim...those times when the real world gets in their way.  For example, my Nmom got her purse stolen once and she never lets anyone forget it.  However, when anyone else is a victim....even a victim of real abuse and violence as I was......they show such disdain.....as if it's a weakness which they can't tolerate.  So, as usual, for the N, being a victim only applies to them.

I think a lack of real empathy is the trademark telltale sign of a true N.  They simply refuse to do it..whether it is because they are physically incapable of it...or merely choose not to.  One exception.  I've found that they have bushels of empathy for the "Golden Child".  Whatever pain or anxiety or challenge the Golden Child experiences is far worse than any of any other person.  What's more, the N expects everyone to acknowlege the horrible plight of the GC in these circumstances.

Ah yes, the N.  Unable and unwilling to behave like any other human.  Like the Tin Man in the Wizard of Oz, they are badly in need of a heart.

Guest:
Mud,

I don't agree with you about forgiveness and healing. It depends on definitions, perhaps and just what you might be forgiving. I don't forgive behaviour. I forgive all of them for being what they are, because they can't help it; they can't change and it's not their 'fault'.

I do agree with you about revenge and justice. Revenge is ridiculous. Justice is an ideal, a goal. Doesn't happen too much I think.

sunblue:
I agree that ideas of revenge, while momentarily satisfying, are not valuable in the long run.  Justice, on the other hand, is the real fantasy of most victims of Ns.  We'd like to think that somewhere, somehow, Ns will get a piece of what they dish out.  I so hope for that but I'm not at all sure it will happen.  There are those who keep talking to me of Karma....what goes around comes around.  I haven't seen it yet and I'm not sure it occurs.

I agree, that while it is incredibly difficult to do, putting Ns aside and focusing on being happy is the best revenge.....It means you are not making the N the focus of your life, of the world, which Narcissism is all about.

sea storm:
There are lots of kinds of revenge. Surviving the bastards is a good one. Not letting their death rays in is a good one. Breaking their spell and disabling their power is good.  I cursed my exPath and recently heard he had flesh eating disease. At the same time I developed pancreatitus.  This pancreas thing is supposed to be about hanging on to resentment.
Forgiveness is not possible for me. I get extremely anxious and full of shame that I am not a better person and can't forgive. Sometimes I hope God takes care of my revenge fantasiies. There is a backfire component to revenge.I have taken off the curse.

I actually knew someone who visited her mother for Thanksgiving and she dropped valium into her mother's drink. She had just gotten into a serious Lesbian relationship and they visited her deeply religious mom. They were afraid of the mom's reaction. I thought this was very wrong.Messing with someone else like that is dangerous, manipulative and creepy.  This was an old lady.
Forgiving myself for all the bad scenes I lived in like one of those members of a cult is a first step. But forgiveness for the perpetrator is difficult.  At al anon we are encouraged to pray for anyone we hold resentments for. Resentment held onto poison one's soul. Gives the bastards too much power. The physical effects of hanging on to anger and revenge are personally damaging. For me, I think it literally at away at my guts.

I am trying to turn up the volume on the good things in life and make positive changes consciously. It helps until I get grabbed by the past and flung around like a rag doll.

Sea storm

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page