Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board
Voicelessness and Emotional Survival => Voicelessness and Emotional Survival Message Board => Topic started by: Ami on December 09, 2007, 11:36:30 AM
-
Dear Bones,
I am speechless .I amazed that you are still intact. Thank you for sharing that deep pain with us. I wish I could do s/thing to help take some of those horrible memories away. What a legacy for you to live with.It is all the more amazing that you have gotten where you are.I am so,so sorry for all that you suffered. None of it was YOUR fault.Your mother was seriously, mentally ill(IMO). I am so sorry, Bones. Love Ami
(((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))0
-
Dear Bones,
I am speechless .I amazed that you are still intact. Thank you for sharing that deep pain with us. I wish I could do s/thing to help take some of those horrible memories away. What a legacy for you to live with.It is all the more amazing that you have gotten where you are.I am so,so sorry for all that you suffered. None of it was YOUR fault.Your mother was seriously, mentally ill(IMO). I am so sorry, Bones. Love Ami
(((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))0
Thanks, Ami.
I know my Nmother was sick and twisted. As more memories surface, I'll be adding to my posting. I need to be able to dump all of this poison out of my system once and for all.
Bones
-
Oh, Bones, thank you.
Thank you for trusting us with your heartbreaking past.
I am so sorry your mother was so evil/sick.
You deserved love and nurturing and to be cherished.
You are so strong and brave, and what you do every day, working with the homeless, the criminal...leaves me in awe.
You are a wonderful example of taking dirt and making a bloom.
May you bloom on with greater happiness and peace, every day of your life.
May your past pass, and eventually become no more than the beginning of an amazing book.
with love to you,
Hops
-
Bonesy-
((((((((((Bonesy))))))))))
I am shaken and saddened to the core when I read what evil and cruelty was done to our Bones MS as a child. Yet somehow you emerged with an open heart and an open hand, and your sweet spirit intact. ((((((((((Bonesy)))))))))) You are a miracle as well as an inspirartion Bones MS, and I am proud to know you.
Love from Your Friend,
Changing
-
Bones,
Thank you for telling your story. Your mother sounds horrendous, and you didn't deserve that. She obviously couldn't see how special you are (as all N mothers can't). I can relate to the strange idea of saying YOU were the whore, when you were only just a teenager - I had that, too, from my NMum, even before I'd had a boyfriend, and yet SHE was the unfaithful, promiscuous one! Talk about projection! I remember feeling intimidated by one of her boyfriends when I was about 15, and felt it wasn't safe to be in the house with him, but I've never heard it described as you have done - 'pimping me out' - I think, if I hadn't kept my distance, that would have happened to me.
What on earth is society doing, when children are not listened to, like you, when these adults fail so miserably in their duty of care?
You have achieved so much in your adult life, that I hope you are able to feel proud of what you've done, and all without any support whatsoever from your 'family'.
Janet
-
Oh, Bones, thank you.
Thank you for trusting us with your heartbreaking past.
I am so sorry your mother was so evil/sick.
You deserved love and nurturing and to be cherished.
You are so strong and brave, and what you do every day, working with the homeless, the criminal...leaves me in awe.
You are a wonderful example of taking dirt and making a bloom.
May you bloom on with greater happiness and peace, every day of your life.
May your past pass, and eventually become no more than the beginning of an amazing book.
with love to you,
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
Bones
-
Bonesy-
((((((((((Bonesy))))))))))
I am shaken and saddened to the core when I read what evil and cruelty was done to our Bones MS as a child. Yet somehow you emerged with an open heart and an open hand, and your sweet spirit intact. ((((((((((Bonesy)))))))))) You are a miracle as well as an inspirartion Bones MS, and I am proud to know you.
Love from Your Friend,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
Bones
-
Bones,
Thank you for telling your story. Your mother sounds horrendous, and you didn't deserve that. She obviously couldn't see how special you are (as all N mothers can't). I can relate to the strange idea of saying YOU were the whore, when you were only just a teenager - I had that, too, from my NMum, even before I'd had a boyfriend, and yet SHE was the unfaithful, promiscuous one! Talk about projection! I remember feeling intimidated by one of her boyfriends when I was about 15, and felt it wasn't safe to be in the house with him, but I've never heard it described as you have done - 'pimping me out' - I think, if I hadn't kept my distance, that would have happened to me.
What on earth is society doing, when children are not listened to, like you, when these adults fail so miserably in their duty of care?
You have achieved so much in your adult life, that I hope you are able to feel proud of what you've done, and all without any support whatsoever from your 'family'.
Janet
Thanks, Janet.
Bones
-
Dear (((( Bones )))
Read your life story last night, and again today, have read it through slowly, carefully, once again.
Have read your recent edit with the additional memories.
My sincere expressions with genuine empathy and understanding;
> The all too evident mighty hand of God was, and is, on your precious worthy life
> Resilience - as your spirit refused to be broken
> Different - your sense of 'being' was different, and sadly, that was the problem!
> You were, and it is so clearly evident from the witness and testimony of your life today, that you are filled with God's 'light'
> 'Dark' does not like 'Light' - cold 'Dark' hates warm 'Light' with a poisonous venom (having shared my life story, I speak from personal experience)
> Your mother, just like my mother, was and is (sadly), filled with cold Darkness, as is their outward expression, which is, their choice.
> Reality is always evident.
> Your relatives, just like my relatives -- were willing to be culpable Bystander's and Witnesses
> Reality is always evident.
((( Bones )))
You said in your earlier post that you "need to be able to dump all of this poison out of my system once and for all."
Yes, I agree, you do, understandably, and rightly so.
Then, freedom and liberty will be truly yours, once and for all, in your wonderful life ahead, one that is to be lived with meaning and purpose.
Which is all too evident also.
Thank you for courageously sharing your life.
May God Bless You in all you do.
Sincerely,
Love, Leah
-
Dear (((( Bones )))
Read your life story last night, and again today, have read it through slowly, carefully, once again.
Have read your recent edit with the additional memories.
My sincere expressions with genuine empathy and understanding;
> The all too evident mighty hand of God was, and is, on your precious worthy life
> Resilience - as your spirit refused to be broken
> Different - your sense of 'being' was different, and sadly, that was the problem!
> You were, and it is so clearly evident from the witness and testimony of your life today, that you are filled with God's 'light'
> 'Dark' does not like 'Light' - cold 'Dark' hates warm 'Light' with a poisonous venom (having shared my life story, I speak from personal experience)
> Your mother, just like my mother, was and is (sadly), filled with cold Darkness, as is their outward expression, which is, their choice.
> Reality is always evident.
> Your relatives, just like my relatives -- were willing to be culpable Bystander's and Witnesses
> Reality is always evident.
((( Bones )))
You said in your earlier post that you "need to be able to dump all of this poison out of my system once and for all."
Yes, I agree, you do, understandably, and rightly so.
Then, freedom and liberty will be truly yours, once and for all, in your wonderful life ahead, one that is to be lived with meaning and purpose.
Which is all too evident also.
Thank you for courageously sharing your life.
May God Bless You in all you do.
Sincerely,
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah.
I'll probably be adding more as more memories resurface.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
The gingham apron that you sewed and decorated with cross-stitch employing such a lot of hard work into it sounds absolutely exquisite. Sounds like you have a depth of caring creativity which is truly wonderful to know about you. The person called your mother could not take that real creative memory from you - of something you designed and worked on with care, and attention to detail.
Never thought about it till now, with a realization, that I never again saw any of my needlework after bringing it home. Try as I might, there is no recollection of the items, at all. But I did love embroidery and other kinds of needlework, surprisingly, I was reasonably good at it too, but, had dismissed it after being told I was useless and only fit for 'working.' Writing this has just struck an important chord.
However, she could not take away your creative talents ((( Bones ))) because they are what makes you, a person. Truly, the ownership was, and is, yours alone.
Sincerely,
Love, Leah
-
Dear Bones,
The gingham apron that you sewed and decorated with cross-stitch employing such a lot of hard work into it sounds absolutely exquisite. Sounds like you have a depth of caring creativity which is truly wonderful to know about you. The person called your mother could not take that real creative memory from you - of something you designed and worked on with care, and attention to detail.
Never thought about it till now, with a realization, that I never again saw any of my needlework after bringing it home. Try as I might, there is no recollection of the items, at all. But I did love embroidery and other kinds of needlework, surprisingly, I was reasonably good at it too, but, had dismissed it after being told I was useless and only fit for 'working.' Writing this has just struck an important chord.
However, she could not take away your creative talents ((( Bones ))) because they are what makes you, a person. Truly, the ownership was, and is, yours alone.
Sincerely,
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah.
I have more memories coming up.
Bones
-
Dear (((( Bones )))))
I have just read your update with your new memories, from the Christmas tree point onwards.
The Christmas tree you creatively crafted should have been placed in a precious pride of place within the home.
Instead, the person named mother, acted so very cruelly to you.
The therapist must have been precious to you, the only one who heard your voice proclaiming what was real and true.
Whoever wrote "Cinderella" must have been awesomely inspired.
NMothers like ours all across the globe cannot break our resilient spirit and that's the very thing that drives them to the brink of despair and rage.
Much Love,
Leah
-
Dear (((( Bones )))))
I have just read your update with your new memories, from the Christmas tree point onwards.
The Christmas tree you creatively crafted should have been placed in a precious pride of place within the home.
Instead, the person named mother, acted so very cruelly to you.
The therapist must have been precious to you, the only one who heard your voice proclaiming what was real and true.
Whoever wrote "Cinderella" must have been awesomely inspired.
NMothers like ours all across the globe cannot break our resilient spirit and that's the very thing that drives them to the brink of despair and rage.
Much Love,
Leah
Thanks, Leah.
Nmothers cannot even be considered as mothers.
Bones
-
Dear (((( Bones )))))
I have just read your update with your new memories, from the Christmas tree point onwards.
The Christmas tree you creatively crafted should have been placed in a precious pride of place within the home.
Instead, the person named mother, acted so very cruelly to you.
The therapist must have been precious to you, the only one who heard your voice proclaiming what was real and true.
Whoever wrote "Cinderella" must have been awesomely inspired.
NMothers like ours all across the globe cannot break our resilient spirit and that's the very thing that drives them to the brink of despair and rage.
Much Love,
Leah
Thanks, Leah.
Nmothers cannot even be considered as mothers.
Bones
Dear Bones,
Sadly, that is the truth.
Take care of you, because you are precious.
Love, Leah
-
Dear (((( Bones )))))
I have just read your update with your new memories, from the Christmas tree point onwards.
The Christmas tree you creatively crafted should have been placed in a precious pride of place within the home.
Instead, the person named mother, acted so very cruelly to you.
The therapist must have been precious to you, the only one who heard your voice proclaiming what was real and true.
Whoever wrote "Cinderella" must have been awesomely inspired.
NMothers like ours all across the globe cannot break our resilient spirit and that's the very thing that drives them to the brink of despair and rage.
Much Love,
Leah
Thanks, Leah.
Nmothers cannot even be considered as mothers.
Bones
Dear Bones,
Sadly, that is the truth.
Take care of you, because you are precious.
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah.
In my opinion, Nmonsters are users and losers.
Bones
-
I've added a bit more on the other board.
Bones
-
I've added a bit more on the other board.
Bones
Dear Bones,
Hope you are feeling a little better today.
I have just read through all that you have updated.
The wedding was so very cruel.
Your mother and mine both seem to have favoured the 'son'
My mother would openly express how much she preferred boys.
It comes as no surprise about your brother not being repremanded regarding the bathroom incident
and her reaction when you inconvenienced her time taken up at the hospital.
How are you, now, after getting all this out here in writing on your story board?
Has it helped some? Hope so ((( Bones )))
Take care of you.
Love, Leah
-
I've added a bit more on the other board.
Bones
Dear Bones,
Hope you are feeling a little better today.
I have just read through all that you have updated.
The wedding was so very cruel.
Your mother and mine both seem to have favoured the 'son'
My mother would openly express how much she preferred boys.
It comes as no surprise about your brother not being repremanded regarding the bathroom incident
and her reaction when you inconvenienced her time taken up at the hospital.
How are you, now, after getting all this out here in writing on your story board?
Has it helped some? Hope so ((( Bones )))
Take care of you.
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah.
I know there is more coming as more memories continue to surface.
Bones
-
I added a little more.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
Will go and read your update.
Love, Leah
-
Dear Bones,
Will go and read your update.
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah.
Bones
-
Darling Wonderful Angel Bonesy MS-
I have read your update and am shocked at what a gorgeous diamond emerged from the cruel and needless hell that you endured. Your family who hurt and abused you, did not actually see or know you as you truly are. Anyone who does know you and sees what a remarkable person you are must surely love and admire you, as we love you so much here! You are a lovely Angel of Mercy with a precious and eternal sparkle.
Love From Your Friend,
Changing
-
Darling Wonderful Angel Bonesy MS-
I have read your update and am shocked at what a gorgeous diamond emerged from the cruel and needless hell that you endured. Your family who hurt and abused you, did not actually see or know you as you truly are. Anyone who does know you and sees what a remarkable person you are must surely love and admire you, as we love you so much here! You are a lovely Angel of Mercy with a precious and eternal sparkle.
Love From Your Friend,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
Bones
-
Hi Bonesy-
Hope you are back up to par- I have a half a voice back!
xxoo,
Changing
-
Dear Bones,
I am so sorry for all the pain you have suffered. My heart goes out to you. Love Ami
((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))
-
Hi Bonesy-
Hope you are back up to par- I have a half a voice back!
xxoo,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
Gotta go to the doctor....feeling worse.
Bones
-
I posted on another thread that I came back from the doctor with a diagnosis of bronchitis and laryngitis. I'm going to be laid up for a at least a few days while taking my meds. In the meantime, I'm still adding more as memories keep coming.
Bones
-
I'm still adding to my story. It feels therapeutic to finally be able to dump this poison.
Bones
-
I'm hoping my memories help someone.
Bones
-
I've been on hiatus because I'm still battling bronchitis.
Bones
-
Brochitis, a nasty one Bones.
Enforced rest, that's for sure.
I hope steamy soups and lots of sleep
will soon do the trick.
Sorry you're forced out of work when you're ill.
love
Hops
-
Dear Bones,
I hope that you feel better, Sweetie. Love Ami
(((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))
-
Brochitis, a nasty one Bones.
Enforced rest, that's for sure.
I hope steamy soups and lots of sleep
will soon do the trick.
Sorry you're forced out of work when you're ill.
love
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
This is the longest I've dealt with this. I've been fighting this illness since December 7th.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I hope that you feel better, Sweetie. Love Ami
(((((((((Bones)))))))))))))))
Thanks.
Bones
-
I just added a short note to my memories regarding my Nmother's interference in getting justice in court.
Bones
-
It feels like I'm finally starting to feel halfway human today.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
Halfway human is a step up(lol) . Love Ami
-
Dear Bones,
Halfway human is a step up(lol) . Love Ami
Thanks, Ami.
I still have that blasted cough, though.
Bones
-
I haven't thought of anything new to add yet because I need to focus on getting this bronchitis out of my system.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
That 'hacking" cough is awful. I hope that it goes away soon. Love Ami
((((((((((Bones)))))))))))
-
Hi Bonesy-
I too have been ill for a long stretch. I often get pnuemonia, but not this year, thank goodness.
I read the portion of your thread that you added, and it made me cry at the tragic injustice and cruelty that such a precious child suffered- Bonesy you deserve so much of everything good life has to offer- you do such worthy work and are always a good friend on this board, and a truly noble person. Get better my Dear and keep striving for good. (((((Bonesy)))))
Merry Christmas,
Changing
-
Dear Bones,
I just read more of your story. It is heartbreaking.
I have a question (I am an aggressive advocate for people asking for what they need.) Even though you've been told orthodontia is impossible now, would you consider going to Johns Hopkins Otolaryngology clinic and finding out what they think? Doctors still do some "pro bono" work. I was thinking as I read your story that if a doctor could read that account, and understand why you were never treated as a child, they may be motivated out of compassion (and by the challenge, surgeons do that a lot) to give you the latest corrective treatment without charge. Or, at very reasonable rates.
Major research centers, as I'm sure you know, can be amazing resources for high-end care. And they will often make arrangements for special cases. Someone who was denied care because of child abuse but comes to them as an adult, is a moving opportunity for them to use their skills when they know it will change a life.
And I would want the "nothing can be done" from a place like Johns Hopkins before I accepted it as the final word.
Just a thought for your new year...
love,
Hops
-
Dear Bones,
That 'hacking" cough is awful. I hope that it goes away soon. Love Ami
((((((((((Bones)))))))))))
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
Hi Bonesy-
I too have been ill for a long stretch. I often get pnuemonia, but not this year, thank goodness.
I read the portion of your thread that you added, and it made me cry at the tragic injustice and cruelty that such a precious child suffered- Bonesy you deserve so much of everything good life has to offer- you do such worthy work and are always a good friend on this board, and a truly noble person. Get better my Dear and keep striving for good. (((((Bonesy)))))
Merry Christmas,
Changing
Thanks, Changing.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I just read more of your story. It is heartbreaking.
I have a question (I am an aggressive advocate for people asking for what they need.) Even though you've been told orthodontia is impossible now, would you consider going to Johns Hopkins Otolaryngology clinic and finding out what they think? Doctors still do some "pro bono" work. I was thinking as I read your story that if a doctor could read that account, and understand why you were never treated as a child, they may be motivated out of compassion (and by the challenge, surgeons do that a lot) to give you the latest corrective treatment without charge. Or, at very reasonable rates.
Major research centers, as I'm sure you know, can be amazing resources for high-end care. And they will often make arrangements for special cases. Someone who was denied care because of child abuse but comes to them as an adult, is a moving opportunity for them to use their skills when they know it will change a life.
And I would want the "nothing can be done" from a place like Johns Hopkins before I accepted it as the final word.
Just a thought for your new year...
love,
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
The orthodontic work of straightening my teeth, as much as possible, has been done. What the orthodontist could not correct what the birth defect involving my palate. My palate is very narrow and deep. The orthodonist told me that it was the closest thing to a cleft palate, without perforation, that he had seen. As a result of the malformed palate, my speech was badly affected and it also impacted my ability to swallow correctly...making swallowing medication difficult. Every time I spoke, Nmother would scream at me to "STOP TALKING THROUGH YOUR NOSE!" and slap me. Whenever I had to swallow any medication, because I also had pneumonia frequently, and the pill would stick in the wrong place, causing me to gag and cough, Nmother would respond with a beating. The orthodonist told her that I had absolutely no control over my birth defects and their effects on me! She never apologized.
Bones
-
Hi Bones,
Just FYI stuff:
1) (top age listed is 25 but they have discretion, I'd think...rules made to be bent...might be worth a consultation--you never know! Sometimes when surgeons know they can fix something they just wanna do it.) Also, in my last post I was thinking Maxillofacial Surgery but typed Otolaryngology, oops):
The Johns Hopkins Cleft and Craniofacial Center – CPT, CFT
601 N Caroline St
McElderry 8142D
Baltimore, MD 21287-0981
Phone:410.955.9478
Alt. Phone: 410.955.2136
Fax: 410.955.7060
Email: cvanderk@jhmi.edu
Web: http://www.hopkinscleft.com
Patient Age Range: 0-25
Team Leader(s): Richard J. Redett, MD (Plastic Surgery), Craig A. Vander Kolk, MD (Plastic Surgery)
Other Contacts: Kimberly L. Seifert, BSN, RN (Coordinator/Administrator)
2) http://www.cleftline.org/publications/adults
This includes financial assistance info, too.
xo,
Hops
-
Dear Bones,
I can't find your story. Did you take it down? Ami
-
Hi Bones,
Just FYI stuff:
1) (top age listed is 25 but they have discretion, I'd think...rules made to be bent...might be worth a consultation--you never know! Sometimes when surgeons know they can fix something they just wanna do it.) Also, in my last post I was thinking Maxillofacial Surgery but typed Otolaryngology, oops):
The Johns Hopkins Cleft and Craniofacial Center – CPT, CFT
601 N Caroline St
McElderry 8142D
Baltimore, MD 21287-0981
Phone:410.955.9478
Alt. Phone: 410.955.2136
Fax: 410.955.7060
Email: cvanderk@jhmi.edu
Web: http://www.hopkinscleft.com
Patient Age Range: 0-25
Team Leader(s): Richard J. Redett, MD (Plastic Surgery), Craig A. Vander Kolk, MD (Plastic Surgery)
Other Contacts: Kimberly L. Seifert, BSN, RN (Coordinator/Administrator)
2) http://www.cleftline.org/publications/adults
This includes financial assistance info, too.
xo,
Hops
I'm almost old enough to be in the senior citizen status so the thought of going through that kind of extensive surgery, at my age, is daunting to say the least.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
I can't find your story. Did you take it down? Ami
I didn't take it down. It's under the title of "Mother is a Narcississtic Rageaholic".
Bones
-
I can surely understand that, Bones.
You...gramma age!
You think young, that's plain.
Hope you're feeling a lot better today.
love
Hops
-
I can surely understand that, Bones.
You...gramma age!
You think young, that's plain.
Hope you're feeling a lot better today.
love
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
Bones
-
I still have the cough even though I have finished up the antibiotics and still taking cough medicine.
Bones
-
I've maxxed out on the number of characters allowed and the memories are still coming.
Here's another memory that just surfaced:
During the Hong Kong Flu Epidemic of 1968-1969, I suddenly became very ill while I was Christmas shopping and went home. When I walked in the door, Nmother asked me if I was ready to eat dinner. I told her that I wasn't feeling well and wasn't hungry. Her response was to start SCREAMING at me that I must have eaten elsewhere without her permission! She completely ignored the fact that I was on the verge of collapsing. Within twenty-four hours, it became painfully clear that I had the Hong Kong Flu but there was never an apology.
Bones
-
Bones,
I think you are amazing! And you write good too :) :mrgreen: :mrsgreen:
Glad you're feeling better
tt
-
Dear Bones,
What enabled you to survive ,intact? I am truly speechless at the horror of that woman. My God, Bones. It was HORRIBLE. Ami
-
Bones,
I think you are amazing! And you write good too :) :mrgreen: :mrsgreen:
Glad you're feeling better
tt
Thanks, TT.
Bones
-
Dear Bones,
What enabled you to survive ,intact? I am truly speechless at the horror of that woman. My God, Bones. It was HORRIBLE. Ami
At times, I doubt that I'm intact at all. I feel a deep rage against her years after she's dead and rotting in the depths of you-know-where.
Bones
-
Moved from Members' Stories:
Bones, that lady who lived in the house with you, whom I will not even give the dignity of calling your "mother" or "guardian," .......all I can say is SICK, EVIL, DEMENTED, BEYOND BELIEF!
Personally, when people like that pass away, there is a part of me that is relieved and glad about it. The Bible talks about how evil men are not grieved, in the book of Proverbs, I believe. Nobody rejoices when an evil man comes to power. I sure am not rejoicing to know you were put through so much evil and torment in your life! YOU DID NOT DESERVE ANY OF IT!
the monster's comment of "All children are naturally whores so they deserve to be raped!"
OH DEAR GOD! There are no words for what that makes me feel inside. HOW SICK AND EVIL! Lord have mercy!
Your post touched me deeper than I can say. My tears came every time yours did in your story, every time you tried to rise up and were knocked down again, every time you were treated like an object and a defective being.
I am so so soooooooooooooooooooo very sorry for you having to endure ANY of those things. May God reach out with His healing balm and soothe the deepest parts of your heart and being. Love to you and sincere heartfelt blessings of peace.
~Pastor Laura
Thanks, again, Laura.
Bones
-
Yes, Bones. I can understand how you would have a deep rage. WHO wouldn't in your situation.? It would take Divine intervention(IMO) in order to heal. That is how I see it. Love Ami
((((((((((Bones))))))))))))
-
Yes, Bones. I can understand how you would have a deep rage. WHO wouldn't in your situation.? It would take Divine intervention(IMO) in order to heal. That is how I see it. Love Ami
((((((((((Bones))))))))))))
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
Probably more memories will surface as I start to feel better from this bronchitis.
Bones
-
I'm still dealing with this cough and trying to rest as much as possible before I deal with more memories.
Bones
-
That makes sense, Bones.
It's too much to feel physically and emotionally drained at once,
when you can avoid it.
Take good care,
Hops
-
That makes sense, Bones.
It's too much to feel physically and emotionally drained at once,
when you can avoid it.
Take good care,
Hops
Thanks, Hops.
Since I have the day off tomorrow, I'll probably grab the opportunity to breathe some steam again.
Bones
-
I've been snoozing most of the morning so haven't done the steam thing yet.
Bones
-
Hello Bonesy-
Hope you are feeling better and ready to kick up your heels for the weekend!!!
Love,
Changing
-
Just sending well wishes your way, Bones. Love Ami
-
Hello Bonesy-
Hope you are feeling better and ready to kick up your heels for the weekend!!!
Love,
Changing
Well....right now I'm dealing with a mess because the pipes in my upstairs neighbor's unit ruptured. My wall-to-wall carpet is soaked and both my smoke detectors were affected too. I'm nagging B/F to rent a wet-vac so I can get my carpeting dried out. His response was to bring more paper towels. IDIOT!!!
Bones
-
Hmmmmm, wetting every towel in the house isn't going to make things easier :shock:
A wet vac is a great idea....and a dehumidifyer..... and some fans..... and maybe some renewz carpet fresh.... shampoo carpets since it's already wet maybe?
Rent a steam clearner? Pay a professional steam cleaner to do it for you?
Not sure but that's all I got in suggestions.
-
Hmmmmm, wetting every towel in the house isn't going to make things easier :shock:
A wet vac is a great idea....and a dehumidifyer..... and some fans..... and maybe some renewz carpet fresh.... shampoo carpets since it's already wet maybe?
Rent a steam clearner? Pay a professional steam cleaner to do it for you?
Not sure but that's all I got in suggestions.
Thanks, Lighter.
I need to wet-vac the water out of my carpeting and padding before mold and mildew set in.
Bones
-
I hate messes like this!
Bones
-
I am sorry, Bones. Things like that are very hard. It is discouraging and frustrating, especially when you have not been feeling well.
Cyberspace chicken soup----I wish I could send it to you. Love Ami
-
Oh no.... that's all you need is mold and mildewed carpet to top off that lingering bronchitis.
Sorry.... hope you get it all dried out quick.
-
I am sorry, Bones. Things like that are very hard. It is discouraging and frustrating, especially when you have not been feeling well.
Cyberspace chicken soup----I wish I could send it to you. Love Ami
Thanks, Ami.
Bones
-
Oh no.... that's all you need is mold and mildewed carpet to top off that lingering bronchitis.
Sorry.... hope you get it all dried out quick.
Thanks, Lighter.
Bones
-
Another memory has resurfaced. While I was still a kid, we were in a church kitchen with others preparing a church dinner. I was told to peel and slice the onions, (without ever being taught how). Because I didn't do it perfectly like an adult, Nmother started pounding on me, then grabbed the onion, smeared it into my face and rammed it into my mouth and screamed at me to eat it! No one said a word or intervened. They just stood there and watched.
Bones
Dear ((( Bones )))
Nthing (refuse to address her as a mother) ought to have had one of those 'silent bystanders' shove an onion into her mouth.
Best to write it all out, dear Bones.
Thoughts of you.
Love, Leah
-
Another memory has resurfaced. While I was still a kid, we were in a church kitchen with others preparing a church dinner. I was told to peel and slice the onions, (without ever being taught how). Because I didn't do it perfectly like an adult, Nmother started pounding on me, then grabbed the onion, smeared it into my face and rammed it into my mouth and screamed at me to eat it! No one said a word or intervened. They just stood there and watched.
Bones
Dear ((( Bones )))
Nthing (refuse to address her as a mother) ought to have had one of those 'silent bystanders' shove an onion into her mouth.
Best to write it all out, dear Bones.
Thoughts of you.
Love, Leah
Thanks, Leah.
Bones
-
At times, I doubt that I'm intact at all. I feel a deep rage against her years after she's dead and rotting in the depths of you-know-where.
Bones
Hi Bones,
We have never really connected here on the board but I see your name a lot as well as I have tried to work through your story back in December. Today I read again as well as I read most of this thread.
I know that you are on to a conversation about your bronchitis - I hope you are feeling better?
First, you have my sympathy for all that you went through. As I was reading your story I kept thinking about the book A Boy Named "It" Did you ever read that book? His case was considered one of the top 3 worst cases of child abuse in the state of California, ever. Your N mom sounded to me to be just about in the same company as his N mom was. The boy in the book, named Dave, turned out to be solid and good person. What amazes me is that you endured years of evil, ,hurt and abuse and yet you seem to me to be good and rational and I bet the only person who has ever really suffered from all that you went through has been you.
The part of the reason I write this is because I can relate, but only a Little bit, to the rageaholic mom part of your story. My mom was a rageaholic too. One of her favorite names to call me was "retard" or "little ungrateful brat."
The above stood out for me on this thread. I too have had to deal with deep rage and anger towards my mom. Anger is an emotion and that has to move or flow. If not properly expressed or experienced at the moment of injustice or hurt, the anger festers and turns into neurosis's such as depression or COD or other pathologies. I am writing this knowing full well just how aware you are of this stuff as well as how you most likely know way more than I do. Back to my point, I have had work through years of anger and bitterness in me. My main problem for years was depression. However, I was also an exercise junkie and a alcoholic so these were other coping defenses I used to keep my anger down.
When I finally gave up these coping mechanisms my anger came up in the form of overly critical thinking of others and passive aggressive sarcasm. In my quest for sanity and to grow in love for others. I had to face the anger in my heart. In facing it I have found freedom, peace and a more loving attitude towards others. Can you relate?
Would it be possible if you can share with me more about your own anger and how you have embraced it as well as how you have coped to overcome.
I hope that I have not written too much about myself here on your thread. If so, please tell me and I will move my post to my own thread.
Thank you for sharing your story. There were many questions that came to mind as I read. I hope to get to know you a bit better here.
Lise
-
Thanks, Lise.
Working through my own anger/rage is an ongoing process. Some days are better than others so I try to deal with it one day at a time.
I'll be writing more as I feel a little better.
Bones
-
hi bones,
I read your story and saw a very courageous little girl who continued to stand up for herself until the end. What strength you had and throughout it all you endured.
I am so happy to know you, and to hear your story and your success. Congratulations for getting your Master's degree despite it all, you succeeded. I think you knew all along it was lies, maybe?
love bean
I think, instinctively, I knew the Nmonster was lying all the time.
Bones
-
Bones,
That is trusting your intuition, something your N couldn't take away from you as hard as she tried. Bones, do you think it remarkable you survived or was there ever any doubt in your mind? When I heard your story I felt like picking you up - as a small girl - and giving her a big hug, surrounding her with all the love and protection she needed.
bean
There were times I had a LOT of doubts because of having to live in such a hellish situation until I was able to legally escape!
Bones
-
I still have more memories resurfacing.
Bones
-
It suddenly occurred to me, today, that all the idiots who were constantly telling me that I was "retarded wasted space" NEVER GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE LET ALONE GOT A MASTERS DEGREE!!!!!!
Bones