I was just wondering if anyone know of any books or resources that deal with the topic of learning how to believe in yourself.
I've been grappling with a closely related issue, that of 'autonomy', and one book I just found that includes exercises on how to build one's automony (read: self-confidence, agency, belief-in-oneself) is:
The Real 13th Step, by Tina Tessina
As the title implies the book is oriented at people in the 12-step recovery programs, which the author sees tremendous value in for purposes of stopping destructive habits, but having the danger of replacing one addiction with another dependency, this time upon group-think, rather than one's own inner resources. The author believes that the source of most/all addictions is the failure at a very early age (due to parenting) to develop natural skills for automony...the supported explorations from ages 3-8, where a child nervously ventures away (physically or emotionally) from the protective parent, and can run back to them for appropriate advice/comfort, to help deal with failture, uncertainty, until such time these inner resources are developed within the older child, young adult.
I'm generally familiar with the 12-step approach but never immersed in it, so the first couple of chapters weren't of direct interest, but when it shifts to the core questions of whether/how/why someone is autonomous (or not), the bells went off in recognition of the profound self-doubt I've been struggling with, both throughout my life, but even more so when I've realized the extent to which my birth-family has been warped by N-mother, and continues to be. And not surprising, when many of our stories on this BBS relate the classic N patterns of being treated as an object/ends to the affected parent...that one core value children of N-parents learn is to be a 'family asset' (sort of property with obligation to the family, versus one's own right of self-assertion).
In my therapy, I was told that I may be in the midst of a much delayed (like 30+ years) of developing this autonomy. That I can/should/will have the confidence to go forth, set achieve personal goals, etc, in a way that has been inhibited, until very recently as I've been confronting the realities of a N-mother. But in that process, there is a huge amount of self-doubt, fear and anxiety (imagine the terror of the lost 3 year-old in a crowded party, when can't find way back to parent after venturing out...mapped onto a middle-aged guy...ain't pretty).
There are many exercises in this book that seem promising, I've not tried them yet, but even if you don't, I suspect just a quick skim of this book might be helpful.
And the good news...I think...that I hope to convey to you, and anyone else on this BBS who suffers from self-doubt, etc...is that faced with the circumstances we have been with NPD, simply the act of breaking out of that trap (in one form or another, even if just initial recognition of the problem) appears to be a solid example of autonomy (based on this books framework), and should make each of us proud of ourselves to have merely made the attempt, and in many cases, profound and important changes in our lives, in spite of the pain of the process. The contrast/alternative is the life-of-quiet-desperation, that itself fosters all kinds of self-abuse, or propogation of this awful N-thing to another generation. Just reading this book and reflecting on the tone/nature of nearly all the posts I've read on this BBS, seems this is a very solid way-station for folks who have already put some miles behind them on the road to autonomy.
BG
