In my naivety (before I realised the true nature of her personality) I gave my mother a book about boundaries. I'm pretty sure she never read it! Why should she! It would be attempting to recognise somebody else's perspective; and it's something I feel is important so she'd attempt to 'hurt' by ignoring it. I guess a book about 'mothers and daughters' would have the same effect. And, anyway, she'd completely miss the point and pick on things to reinforce her own perspective!! So it's probably just not worth it!!
I wonder if there are any videos of films which show this kind of relationship in action. I think it's easier to draw out over time the different threads of the message you want to get across using film (assuming she has a video player). The problem is they probably won't see 'your' point of view in the film, either!!
I wonder who she'd identify with in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, for example.
There's a film by Ken Loach called Family Life which is painful to watch but I don't suppose it's available on video...oh dear - I've just checked and it IS still available. You'd need a strong stomach for that one. When I was 19 and struggling with all this, my therapist suggested I see this film. I didn't find it for a couple of years and I didn't understand it when I saw it but I DID react very strongly to it. I think it's something I need to revisit. Shiver!
CC, I know exactly what you mean about the 'nervous chatter' - but it's what 'they' do to 'us' and I really don't think there's any way of avoiding it unless we want an even more unpleasant and debilitating experience!!! If we 'do' the nervous chatter, it somehow saves them having to suffer their anxiety. I can't explain it any better than that - but it means that your 'nervous chatter' has a positive benefit for you at the time - even tho she uses it 'against' you later!!! (Another reason why I agree with the 'get out and stay out' idea because there just are no solutions - it seems - to some of these challenges.)
I may get to bed before midnight tonight (!) so I'll leave it there.
TTFN
R
