Twenty week plan!

[Hopalong]

Write...did the new exercise habit come easily?

I'm all sedentary again and I look back...how'd this happen?

Once I get out of the habit I sort of grow anxious about exercise, mini-exercisophobic.

Once years ago when I swam vigorously after years out of the pool, I got strong heart pain and it scared me so much I never swam again.

Hops

[WRITE]

Thanks Is, Storm, Hops.

I think the thread shows the benefit of journalling and planning really- it seems so little progress until it's written down then I can see a clear progression and development.

did the new exercise habit come easily?

well I don't overdo it Hops, if I go to the pool and swim a mile that's great but lots of days I just do some water aerobics and a few laps and hot tub.
It's not punitive any more, it's part of my self-care regime.

I'm off there in a minute, i just wanted to come be with my family a bit.
Son worried me earlier, even ex didn't say anything about me being here, he was a bit upset too!
But son seems fine. i guess I panic too much.

[teartracks]

WRITE,

Thanks for sharing your twenty week plan journey.   Way to go!  Now I want to do it too! 

tt 

[WRITE]

I have had such a stressful week this week and this is the first time I can say ahnd on heart that I have coped with it!

A year or two ago i would have been running to a bottle or getting sick or falling apart....

Today was going well until one of my patients fell during a group; of course it's horrible to see and some of the staff got in a state, but I stayed really calm, took over a bit when no one seemed to be taking charge effectively at first, then backed off and let the staff handle it whilst the paramedics came. I entertained and distracted the rest of the people with one of the staff and visitors and a patient, it was all handled very well. The injured lady gave me a kiss and said she'll be in my group next week which made me smile.

But often these things trigger a response later for me- the production of adrenalin and cortisol triggers agitation and mania, so it is good to see I am really calm a couple of hours later and not obsessively thinking about it or blaming myself or any of the other things I have a tendency to do.

It's like I can spot these things in advance, and circumvent them better.

I thought about todays accident on the way home. I didn't leave until I was sure everyone involved was okay, the woman was gone to hospital and the other patients were all calm and busy. I felt like I did everything I could and as good a job as I could and a lot of the 'perfectionism' which has plagued me at work is fading now I do this little exercise then put it away. I've never been able to handle let alone control emotions before, this is a really big change for managing my life.

Now I want to do it too!  

go Teartracks, I'd love to see your 20 week plan!

[axa]

Write,

It is so uplifting to read of your progess.  I admire you for sticking to so much.  I have my list of things to do and today I was thinking how I have been slipping but took out my list and I can cross off many things.  For me staying motivated is the difficulty I struggle with.  I am a great starter but tend to loose momentum........... reading your post has kick started me again.

Many many thanks,

axa

[WRITE]

For me staying motivated is the difficulty I struggle with.  I am a great starter but tend to loose momentum...........

I have been thinking today it is getting started which often phases me- I'm fine once I do but I suspect it is a residual perfectionism holds me back a lot; until I can visualise the whole of something I don't want to begin.

Once I do begin I don't want to stop until I end....

I pulled this thread up because it was about my impending divorce, and then I put that on hold.

Next week or asap I plan to re-submit the papers and complete the process.

So I will need to

*iron out the financial details
*research health insurance

then when it is finalised
*organise health and car insurance

Everything else is now in my own independent name.

It's all okay, I panicked a bit several times but the process is going as well as it could.

***

The lady who fell dancing in one of my groups is almost recovered- remarkable!
She was teasing me last week that she was going to get up and do high kicks.

I'll do a few of them myself if I can get divorced finally!

[WRITE]

Ami it's been so hard-it's been like cutting out a brain tumour, one tiny link here, a leaking blood vessel there, severed nerves...all trying not to do more damage and be respectful of surrounding organisms rather than dash the offending presence off and respond with cruelty and haste!

Was it not John Donne who likened G_d to a surgeon in his metaphysical poetry:

Is not your last act harsh and violent,
As when a plough a stony ground doth rent?....

And such in searching wounds the surgeon is,
As we, when we embrace, or touch, or kiss.
Leave her[him], and I will leave comparing thus,
he and comparisons are odious.

Smile....

[lighter]

I hope your hanging in there Write.  I missed this thread and have to catch up.   Sorry you're having such a hard time but it looks like you have a good plan and your job was going well in that first post.  I'll keep reading and see how things are going. 

[lighter]

I enjoyed reading that thread so much Write.  It was like reading a very positive journal. 

[WRITE]

well in the light of my recent 'down-ness' I decided to go pull this thread and have a look at my goals from last year and whether I am still on track.

When I started this it was to prepare me for divorce and I am now divorced!

And the issues around that ex & son/taxes/ new car/ finances are all going along reasonably calmly....my taxes are paid to September in advance for next year which is a relief.

I've had loads of work and not even advertised so I think I'll be okay with that for now.

Still to sort out health insurance, awaiting the COBRA forms.

Haven't done much studying or writing and I haven't lost more weight though I have stayed the same weight and continued daily exercising so I'm fitter, and my writign group went on a good retreat last month and I'm looking into doing formal study next year....

Relationship-wise I haven't done much except spend time with a few men and get to know them, and read some more around the topic of marriage. I'll post about the Susan Piver book Hops recommended another day.

I guess I am gradually sorting out one issue at a time, and quietly getting used to my new status and new life.

Recent stress caused a blip with my illness but I have coped with just one day's meds and a lot of sleep!

My son is getting better with happiness and behaviour, I enjoy his company often now and we are delineating acceptable when he's with me.

My life is in a different place totally to when I first started posting here, interestingly NPD isn't the main factor in my life any more. Thank G_d.....

[Ami]

Dear WRITE,

I am really happy for you. You seem to have grown and matured. I am very , very glad to see your progress     Love  Ami

[isittoolate]

Good for you, WRITE

you are progressing and this is the brst of all to read:
" interestingly NPD isn't the main factor in my life any more. Thank G_d.....

That's me too,, and am working on who I am/feelings/where are they?

Love
Izzy

[lighter]

Write:

I'm so glad you visited this thread again.  When you were down I was thinking about your plan and how impressive it was. 

[Certain Hope]

Dear Write,

This is is cool    So refreshingly... No-NoNseNse 

((((((Write)))))) Thank you for the lift out of the bogs and... congratulations!!

With love,
Hope

[WRITE]

Thanks Ami/Is/lighter/CH.

I am trying to stay focussed on what is 'progress' and drop all the other baggage!

Son was dreadful behaviour again tonight.
I got in and ex said a few minutes later he was going to bed.
I am not talking to him about it for now, I think he is somewhat enjoying the fact son is making life diffciult for me, thinks it serves me right some way.

He also looks depressed so maybe NPD not beign a major factor might switch.

But who cares?
There really isn't anything he hasn't done or I haven't coped with in some way.
Maybe it's time I toughened up.

Church guy was at the concert, arrived late, didn't come sit with me and was unfriendly. It was him who invited me so that's a bit weird, and we talked earlier.
That's three times now, so that's me done.

Well a couple of friends called just, son is apologetic if unrepentent downstairs, I'm going to walk the dog and swim, then go back to my apartment and drink hot tea and watch some comedy.

I discovered TV recently, the comedy channel, so I watch an hour of Seinfeld or Everybody Loves Raymond or Friends, it's a new 'comfort habit'.

Goodnight everyone, hope all are well.

Love
Write