Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?

[BonesMS]

Oh Bones,

It'll be worth the wait.  The implants I have are better than my natural teeth!   Patience!

tt

Thanks, TT!!!

I just want to be able to get this over with so I can finally chew properly.

Then I have to discuss with the dentist about getting a mouth guard because of bruxism.

Bones

[BonesMS]

Just checking in this morning.  Going to have a busy weekend, this weekend!

[BonesMS]

What are your thoughts on the letter about grandma?

http://www.creators.com/advice/dear-margo/grandma-s-beating-the-drum-is-unwelcome.html

[Guest]

I want to know how Mum in the middle got to be so sane! Maybe it was having two children to protect from the boundary-bashing control-freakery of her mother? As for: "It is too bad that your mother's profession has convinced her that everyone is nuts." - well if it wasn't diagnosing everyone she knows, no doubt she'd be up to other controlling tricks. I doubt the profession makes much difference to a nut.

[BonesMS]

I want to know how Mum in the middle got to be so sane! Maybe it was having two children to protect from the boundary-bashing control-freakery of her mother? As for: "It is too bad that your mother's profession has convinced her that everyone is nuts." - well if it wasn't diagnosing everyone she knows, no doubt she'd be up to other controlling tricks. I doubt the profession makes much difference to a nut.

Especially when the nut is GRANDMA!!!!!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Just got home a little while ago from being a volunteer docent at one of the museums in D.C.  One thing I will NEVER understand is WHY some parents seem to be ABSOLUTE DOOFUSES!!!!!! 

The particular exhibit that I was being a docent for is clearly marked with multiple signs, on all sides, that state:  "DO NOT TOUCH".  When I walked to the back of the exhibit, I caught a kid in the process of CLIMBING INTO IT while his father was just standing there oblivious to what his kid was doing!!!!!     Since part of my job is to remind visitors that the exhibit is not to be touched, I firmly stated:  "Please do not climb into the exhibit!  We have a cart where there are things you can look at and touch."  The father snapped at me:  "I'll handle this!" but continued to stand there while the kid clung to the side of the exhibit like a spider!  I halfway expected the side of the exhibit to give way under the kid's weight!  After several more seconds of the father standing there and the kid hanging onto the side of the exhibit, I looked the father in the eye as if to say:  "Well?!?!?"  The father huffed, peeled the kid off of the side of the exhibit, and left!

GEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bones

[BonesMS]

Feeling a bit achy this morning after being on my feet until late last night.  At the same time, all in all, yesterday was a good day.

Bones

[BonesMS]

I have a decision to make regarding whether or not to continue attending the support group for people with disabilities.  When I start getting messages of what I SHOULD be able to say or how I SHOULD be able to feel, I think it's time to take a step back and take a break from this face-to-face group.  About three or four others have stopped attending and the facilitator doesn't seem to be bothered about why these other long-term-attendees have dropped out of sight.  I'm not sensing much support at all...just a LOT of patronizing from an able-bodied YOUNG person who has NO clue what it is like to live with physical and mental challenges 24/7/365/366 a year.  She tends to give hand-outs to the attendees that tend to be VERY simplistic.  This past Friday, she gave me a handout of how Seniors SHOULD communicate with their Baby Boomer Children about difficult topics.  I AM A BABY BOOMER WHO HAPPENS TO HAVE NO CHILDREN NOR DO I HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS THAT I AM ABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH BECAUSE OF DAMAGE BY NARCISSISTS!!!!  The more I read the simplistic "advice" in this handout, the more I kept thinking:  "Tell me SOMETHING I DON'T KNOW!"

The other attendees don't get it that trying to speak rationally to a Narcissist DOES NOT WORK because the Narcissist WILL NEVER HEAR YOU AND WILL ONLY STEP UP THE ABUSE EVEN MORE!!!!

I have until Friday, April 1st, to make my decision about whether or not to either permanently terminate or just take a break.

Bones

[Hopalong]

don't get it that trying to speak rationally to a Narcissist DOES NOT WORK because the Narcissist WILL NEVER HEAR YOU AND WILL ONLY STEP UP THE ABUSE

I sure understand this, Bones.

Even my T, whom I otherwise truly adore...has defaulted into "this would be a reasonable thing to say to your boss...can't you ask him ___?" kind of this.

I have explained and explained that doing anything under than being totally INauthentic and unthreatening and stifling otherwise-healthy assertiveness absolutely positively guarantees PAYBACK. Maybe down the line, maybe apparently unrelated, but it's payback.

Sick situation but a real one, and I agree, it is very very hard to get people to grasp it.

Just
not
worth
it

Hops

[BonesMS]

don't get it that trying to speak rationally to a Narcissist DOES NOT WORK because the Narcissist WILL NEVER HEAR YOU AND WILL ONLY STEP UP THE ABUSE

I sure understand this, Bones.

Even my T, whom I otherwise truly adore...has defaulted into "this would be a reasonable thing to say to your boss...can't you ask him ___?" kind of this.

I have explained and explained that doing anything under than being totally INauthentic and unthreatening and stifling otherwise-healthy assertiveness absolutely positively guarantees PAYBACK. Maybe down the line, maybe apparently unrelated, but it's payback.

Sick situation but a real one, and I agree, it is very very hard to get people to grasp it.

Just
not
worth
it

Hops

Thanks, Hops.

I think I am expecting this support group to help me deal with being a survivor of N's and this group is simply not capable of doing so.

Bones

[BonesMS]

I sent the facilitator an e-mail that I'm taking a break and need to do a lot of thinking about what I need from a support group.

Bones

[BonesMS]

 

[BonesMS]

 

[BonesMS]

Anyone recognize these signals?

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/?uc_full_date=20110325

[BonesMS]

BTW, is it just me or is customer service in stores seem to have become a thing of the past?

Many decades ago, when I was working in my first job in a dime-store, (remember those?), it was emphasized that customer service was paramount.  If the store lost a customer due to an employee's behavior, (affecting the bottom line), then the offending employee was fired.  Fast forward 40+plus years...ask a store employee a question, any question, (IF you can find the employee in the first place), about a piece of store merchandise and, more likely than not, the employee will snarl at you for "bothering" them with the question!  Attempt to locate a store manager or supervisor to discuss this rude behavior and the rude employee IS the store manager/supervisor!  Add in that the store employee, in question is YOUNG ENOUGH TO BE YOUR GRANDCHILD!     Is it possible that the younger generation is being taught NOTHING?!?!?!?!?

Bones