Author Topic: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?  (Read 1306315 times)

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #4410 on: April 23, 2013, 05:20:01 AM »
I really like this article Bones, Thank you for posting it, it pretty much describes at some points how I feel also about my parents. Warren Buffett says It's a waste.

The thing I identify with in the article at the moment is how her mother told her not to have children.

There was always that message in my family also that having children was a bad burden, and not having children makes life better somehow.
A very flat perspective of family/children.

I wonder how I would have felt about having children had I grown up in a pro-child household. Shrug...always wonder about these things.

Yah, that is an interesting read, one therapist I had years ago said that re-connecting with my father would help me with my other relationships...though I really don't think so and this article seems to say it is bad to re-connect.

So exhausting, conflicting advice everywhere. Kind of comforting reading about Lincoln's lack of involvement in his father's death and funeral.

You're very  welcome!

I'm still contemplating what this article says as I've also experienced people attempting to pressure me to reconnect with toxic monsters. 
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BonesMS

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Twoapenny

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #4414 on: April 23, 2013, 04:17:18 PM »
This is thought provoking!!!!

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html

I find it odd, I don't think I've ever read an article or spoken to anyone who thinks people should keep in contact with or renew contact with abusive partners so I don't get why anyone thinks people should with their parents?  I understand completely why some people do - it's a hard bond to break - but once you've made the decision putting yourself back in a place where someone treats you like dirt and damages your health seems like an odd thing for anyone to think is a good idea.  I'm getting so many people these days telling me I should make up with my mum - if she decrazies herself I'd be happy to but she's as mad as a box of frogs and I'm hanging on to my nice, quiet, calm life and she can stick to her fantasy world and we're both happy.  I bumped into someone yesterday who was asking if I talk to my mum yet and when I said no she said "Bless her, poor thing".  I wanted to slap her, that woman has done me so much damage yet people seem to feel sorry for her and think I'm in the wrong for protecting myself?!  It's a funny old world sometimes.

Bonesie are you back online now? xx

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #4415 on: April 23, 2013, 04:27:02 PM »
This is thought provoking!!!!

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html

I find it odd, I don't think I've ever read an article or spoken to anyone who thinks people should keep in contact with or renew contact with abusive partners so I don't get why anyone thinks people should with their parents?  I understand completely why some people do - it's a hard bond to break - but once you've made the decision putting yourself back in a place where someone treats you like dirt and damages your health seems like an odd thing for anyone to think is a good idea.  I'm getting so many people these days telling me I should make up with my mum - if she decrazies herself I'd be happy to but she's as mad as a box of frogs and I'm hanging on to my nice, quiet, calm life and she can stick to her fantasy world and we're both happy.  I bumped into someone yesterday who was asking if I talk to my mum yet and when I said no she said "Bless her, poor thing".  I wanted to slap her, that woman has done me so much damage yet people seem to feel sorry for her and think I'm in the wrong for protecting myself?!  It's a funny old world sometimes.

Bonesie are you back online now? xx

Thanks, ((((((((Tupp)))))))))).

A friend gave me her old laptop and her son's monitor so I could get back online.

You're absolutely right that we should NOT be forced to contact TOXIC MONSTERS simply because they are blood-related.  If it was an abusive spouse, no one would question cutting off contact.  Some idiots just don't get it that just because the NMonster gives birth, that automatically entitles them to anything.  It does NOT!

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Meh

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #4416 on: April 23, 2013, 04:31:42 PM »
This is thought provoking!!!!

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html

I find it odd, I don't think I've ever read an article or spoken to anyone who thinks people should keep in contact with or renew contact with abusive partners so I don't get why anyone thinks people should with their parents?  I understand completely why some people do - it's a hard bond to break - but once you've made the decision putting yourself back in a place where someone treats you like dirt and damages your health seems like an odd thing for anyone to think is a good idea.  I'm getting so many people these days telling me I should make up with my mum - if she decrazies herself I'd be happy to but she's as mad as a box of frogs and I'm hanging on to my nice, quiet, calm life and she can stick to her fantasy world and we're both happy.  I bumped into someone yesterday who was asking if I talk to my mum yet and when I said no she said "Bless her, poor thing".  I wanted to slap her, that woman has done me so much damage yet people seem to feel sorry for her and think I'm in the wrong for protecting myself?!  It's a funny old world sometimes.

Bonesie are you back online now? xx

I got that response also, I think somebody asked me if I did anything special for mother's day, and I said no my mother has mental problems.....and the person, said awww....that is so sad for her.

Made me so angry, people having sympathy for them.

The Nar people can treat their children like garbage without even a slight hint of concern or regret....and then the surrounding community supports them.

And the pain/damage that is caused by the parent's behavior towards the children goes on in a rather invisible way-- and no understand or concern in the community.

My aunt supports my mother, her husband supports her behavior, nobody ever says to her that she is mean or wrong or nasty or abusive. Although I think one therapist finally told her to be nice...lasted for 2 months then the switch flipped again.

Yeah this article was a very confirming thing for me to read.

My father has been ill and my alcoholic brother and narcissistic mother have VERBALLY badgered me to contact him, which I did but I still haven't been a part of his life.

After the two people verbally pushed me over the edge I went home and was crying hysterically, just totally ferking insanely crying like a crazy person. The messed up emotions were just too much for me.

Why can't we sue them? I wish I was a lawyer I would find some way to sue the hell out of mother.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2013, 04:38:34 PM by Green Bean »

BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #4417 on: April 23, 2013, 04:39:30 PM »
This is thought provoking!!!!

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.html

I find it odd, I don't think I've ever read an article or spoken to anyone who thinks people should keep in contact with or renew contact with abusive partners so I don't get why anyone thinks people should with their parents?  I understand completely why some people do - it's a hard bond to break - but once you've made the decision putting yourself back in a place where someone treats you like dirt and damages your health seems like an odd thing for anyone to think is a good idea.  I'm getting so many people these days telling me I should make up with my mum - if she decrazies herself I'd be happy to but she's as mad as a box of frogs and I'm hanging on to my nice, quiet, calm life and she can stick to her fantasy world and we're both happy.  I bumped into someone yesterday who was asking if I talk to my mum yet and when I said no she said "Bless her, poor thing".  I wanted to slap her, that woman has done me so much damage yet people seem to feel sorry for her and think I'm in the wrong for protecting myself?!  It's a funny old world sometimes.

Bonesie are you back online now? xx

I got that response also, I think somebody asked me if I did anything special for mother's day, and I said no my mother has mental problems.....and the person, said awww....that is so sad for her.

Made me so angry, people having sympathy for them.

The Nar people can treat their children like garbage without even a slight hint of concern or regret....and then the surrounding community supports them.

And the pain/damage that is caused by the parent's behavior towards the children goes on in a rather invisible way-- and no understand or concern in the community.

My aunt supports my mother, her husband supports her behavior, nobody ever says to her that she is mean or wrong or nasty or abusive. Although I think one therapist finally told her to be nice...lasted for 2 months then the switch flipped again.

Yeah this article was a very confirming thing for me to read.

My father has been ill and my alcoholic brother and narcissistic mother have VERBALLY badgered me to contact him, which I did but I still haven't been a part of his life.

After the two people verbally pushed me over the edge I went home and was crying hysterically, just totally ferking insanely crying like a crazy person. The messed up emotions were just too much for me.

Why can't we sue them? I wish I was a lawyer I would find some way to sue the hell out of mother.

Makes me believe that Nar-Monsters have a special place in HELL!   :evil:
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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #4420 on: April 25, 2013, 06:13:15 AM »
http://www.slate.com/articles/video/dear_prudence/2013/04/dear_prudence_video_torn_apart_by_an_ipad.html

Judge Judy would tell this plaintiff that if she was STUPID enough to give her iPAD to her 6-year-old niece, then the damage is  the AUNT'S problem, NOT the mother of the 6-year-old!  The damage occurred IN THE AUNT'S HOUSE WHILE THE AUNT WAS IN CONTROL OF THE SITUATION.  The dumb Aunt did this to HERSELF and she's trying to blame others for her own mess!  Sound familiar?



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BonesMS

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #4423 on: April 26, 2013, 11:24:03 AM »
Still having disturbing dreams of being isolated no matter what I do or how hard I try.

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Hopalong

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Re: Is It Always N Behavior to Violate Others' Boundaries?
« Reply #4424 on: April 26, 2013, 09:13:36 PM »
((((((((((((((Bones))))))))))))))))))))

I am so sorry.
That sounds very lonely.

comfort,
Hops

"That'll do, pig, that'll do."