FWIW, I know the exact heartbreak of the first LW.
Who knows. There's not enough info in her letter to make clear
what dysfunction was there that would cause three grown children
to cut them off. Perhaps they "deserve it." Perhaps they're just
human, clueless, dim or bumbling. And perhaps their kids
grew up with a strong sense of entitlement and a weak sense
of compassion. I know the old "honor thy" thing is passé in this
culture, or large parts of it.
Still, it's a kind of pain that is hard to assimilate.
In my case--one child. But my only one. And only family.
Hard not to feel like a Martian, a fraud, a failure, a dreadful person.
Sure did shatter my sense of myself. Which I'm having to rebuild
with a different view. I'm way less complacent about myself, and
always skeptical of my good feelings. I feel they're undeserved,
if my child I love so much has rejected me. Even though I know
she's quite ill, I still internalized a lot of her hatred in recent years.
Working on that, since on another level I know it's irrational.
With a lot of therapy, I've figured out that a LOT was my fault,
and a LOT was not (her father's and other deaths, her genes).
What remains to see is, will she eventually see the difference between
those two "lots" and secondly, forgive me for what was mine?
I do not know. So, I give up expecting. I do feel compassion for
that LW, though. I'm only 63, and I imagine it just is even sadder
for folks that age to be cut adrift from their kids.
Ice floe, etc.
Hops
