Voicelessness: dangerous for married women?

[Ami]

Dear Bella
  The statistic includes ANY allopathic medicine and procedure-- all put together- ( as a whole)
                                                                                                                         Ami

[Bella_French]

In regards to the original post, I used to have an ex boyfriend whom I was trying to lovingly accept as he was.

Consequently, when issues came up, contrary to my normal personality I didn't say anything.

I started to have panic attacks where I couldn't breath.

I started lamenting verbally that something was wrong w/ me but I didn't quite know what it was.

One day, he was either smoking in the house or doing something I didn't like.  I immediately felt my chest constrict and my breathing become heavy as I approach my home.

He opened the door and took one look at me and asked me what was wrong.

I told him, I think I know what's causing my panic attacks.

Then I got rid of that boyfriend.

I have always known that staying in toxic relationships can cause stress related illnesses that can eventually lead to death.  It's about time the medical authorities caught up.

Now as an aside, I have to confess that sure didn't stop me from starting several of these toxic relationships but I could never stay in them because of the stress they caused me and the physical symptoms that plagued me.

I can relate authentic; My experiences have been similar in that I have not stayed long in stressful relationships or situations. Perhaps the real damage is done over many years, when the situaton remains unchanged?

X bella

[JanetLG]

Authentic,

That's very astute of you to have worked that out. I used to get migraines that lasted three days at a  stretch...when I was with my NBoyfriend. He just 'did my head in' and was 'such a pain'. Hmmm.


Bella,

As to how many deaths doctors can cause - in the UK, it's reckoned that 5,000 deaths per year are directly attributable to doctor error, misdiagnosis, innnecessary operations that go wrong, etc. That's more than the number of people who die because of MRSA in hospitals per year (although that, on its own, is enough of a reason not to go anywhere near a hospital, IMO!)

******

Regarding the original article at the top of this thread, how many people were 'studied' for this research? Were the men and women asked directly? Were their doctors asked instead? How long did the research go on for?  I would have thought that the effects of stress would take years to show up in some people...so was the research started years ago, or recently?

Having carried out this research, are they now going to suggest something like state-funded assertiveness training for married women, or that leaving N husbands should be made easier, or that women's refuges should be vastly more easy to get into, and funded much better?

Or....do the people doing the research have a 'wonder drug' ready to counter-act the effect of all this bottling-up of emotions?

I wonder.


Janet

[Hopalong]

Point well taken, Janet.

I agree...allopathic medicine has been compromised by many forces. Nothing pure left in anything institutionalized, probably. That said, I did learn while a health editor to approach medicine and healing as a smorgasbord of human talent and caring, and that included scientists and even some drug-inventors.

So for me, ideal medicine is a combination of Western, Eastern, self-help, mind-body, nutritional, etc. That's all I'm getting at. The journal I thought sounded kind of quacky.

I came to admire a lot of scientists I met in my work. Likewise, I've come to admire a lot of off-the-grid healing arts. Anyhow, when it comes to research, I do, likely just because of the environments I've worked in, tend to favor evidence-based medicine. But I'm mindful that can be warped by who's presenting the evidene and writing up the study etc. I worked for someone who was known by his colleagues and the graduate fellows for constantly tweaking the numbers to please the pharmaceutical company they were hoping would sponsor the next round of their research--being seriously ethically compromised. And his colleagues and superiors would not.

It was ghastly but there is a level of desperation among researchers because so much money has gone to support the war and now there's far far less for the crucial disease research. These projects are so very expensive to set up and do properly, and if their funding is cut partway through it can be devastating to whole teams of researchers and set back or destroy years of work...not to mention harming the poplulation the research was set up to help in the first place. (Ironically, the corrupt researcher I knew began his studies in his discipline out of a passion to preserve life, which I believe he still feels. His ethical compromises were always just slight enough to not invalidate outcomes...but they were enough to be noticed.)

Rambling, rambling...
Hops

[JanetLG]

Hops,

"So for me, ideal medicine is a combination of Western, Eastern, self-help, mind-body, nutritional, etc. That's all I'm getting at. "

Yes, me too just a bit less of the Western! )

I think though, that when you say you prefer 'evidence-based', I would say I do too - it's just that the evidence presented by people who  KNOW that treatments such as homeopathy, etc, work, get their evidence 'rubbished' by allopathic-supporting researchers, because the researchers don't want any challange to the status quo. I read recently that in 2000 or 2001, Pfizer started a campaign to publicly rubbish the efficacy of St Johns Wort, because too many people were using it successfully, and Pfizer had their own chemical anti-depressant on the market, and St Johns Wort was starting to make inroads into their profit. They specified, when they started their campaign, that the marketing push had NO UPPER FINANCIAL LIMIT. That's how desperate they were.

My husband has a degree in chemistry, so I don't dismiss claims lightly without getting him to explain things I don't understand, that I read about. It's just that very often, the science simply doesn't stand up to scrutiny.


Janet

[Hopalong]

I hear you, Janet.
Some of the people at some of Big Pharma are like the Sopranos in better suits.

Hops

[Ami]

The Soprano's have good suits

[JanetLG]

I have never watched the Spranos. I don't own a TV. Will someone explain?!

[Iphi]

Janet - It's a series about a brutal mafia boss and his family and associates.

[JanetLG]

Iphi,

Oh! Thanks for explaining. I feel a bit like a two-headed Martian when people talk about TV things.


Janet

[teartracks]

Hi all,

I had the sense that I was deteriorating physically.

This rings completely true for me.  Before i went on break a couple of months ago, I could literally feel myself dying.  When I said those words to someone, they sounded so off and odd, but it was ture.  I could feel myself dying.  It was a most unusual feeling.  The feeling (It happened three times for periods lasting a half day or thereabouts.  It was a decidedly physical feeling, not emotional) has abated sonce I took a break, though my health has been irreparably damaged (not by husband, but from caretaking Nmom).   I have learned a couple of valuable lessons that are helping in my particular circumstances and I don't know how it happened, but a number of people have gently sat me down and told me that I must make changes that hopefully will reverse some of the damage.   I'm grateful for people who are willing to invest in at least acknowledging my situation and not being afraid to say, you must take care of yourself over and above all oters. 

I know I'm a little off topic by using caretaking rather than the marrige scenario, but aren't the very similar?

tt

[changing]

I definitely experienced somatic distresses and harms resulting from my voicelessness in my marriage. My NH would threaten to kill me, etc., physically and emotionally  hurt me, and do things to sabotage my endeavors. I found that keeping quiet was often the best method to tamp thngs down so that I could carry on with what I needed to do - but at such a cost! I couldn't sleep properly, and the misery followed me everywhere, tearing me apart. Thank you my Dear Friends for being there, helping, guiding, and staying with me as I rid myself of that horror.

Gratefully,

Changing

[Iphi]

Wow tt, that's an incredible experience - what did it feel like to feel yourself dying - was it like your energy was retreating?  I wish you the best in pursuing positive changes.  I believe, with no scientific studies ready to hand to back it up, that caring for yourself will improve your health and vitality.  It can be partly a matter of eating nutritiously and lowering exposure to stress, sure, but that can't be underestimated in itself.  Also feeling good probably sends cascades of happiness hormons throughout the body and feeling bad sends cascades of stress hormones through the body.  I'm sure happiness is easier for the poor physical form to bear.

changing, your marital situation was harrowing to read and it gives me vicarious relief that you have escaped it so swiftly.  Have you thought about how you plan to support and protect your well-being on a going forward basis?  And btw, about those suits, I think the front lawn is a convenient place to store his stuff until he can manage to get around to picking it up....

[Ami]

i am seeing that I "gave" up the desire to live at some point. I think that it might have been 12 years ago when I had two small children and was being abused. I asked my M for help she said some version of her famous sentence,"You made your bed, you lie in it.". I gave up---on an emotional level. I gave up my spark of what makes me"me.") I had given up most of it at 14, I guess that I gave up more when my M "turned on me")
   I see,now, that I want to take it back. I am going to take it back. Thank God for Dr G giving us a place to find each other. People with N mothers are very rare(IME).
    Thank you all for being there. I am so, so glad                   Love  Ami

[Hopalong]

I want to take it back. I am going to take it back.

   

I believe you, Ami!

Joyful words.

Hops