Enforcing my boundaries

[Lupita]

Thank you Ami. I am sad and scared. Don't know what to do. Should I ignore it? I do not think so. He will escalate. But, I cannot go anywhere else now. I feel hopeless.

[Iphi]

Oh Lupita that is awful and wrong.  It's an outrage.  I hate that guy!  And every single person at that table has some ancestor to thank for immigrating to this country so they could sit there on their lazy cowardly behinds and insult someone who immigrated, showing way more nerve, courage and resourcefulness than they have ever done. 

[lighter]

Somebody help me please, I feel very bad.
Today I lucked my self out of my classroom. It was lunch time so I went to the tunch room where teachers were eating together. My boss said if I came into this country swimming. I said that I was not a wet back. He said that he was kidding. In a matter of a milisecond I had a teacher making remarks about why did she have to pay taxes for those ilegals. I said that I have never done anything ilegal in my life. Then another teacher said that why her friend from Africa did not get citizenship and I did. Syddenly I had everybody against me in that table, I believe instigated by him. He is supposed to be a Christian. I am very lonely and sad. I do not know what to do. I called my ex boss who always protected me. He said that I have to talk to this person and if he does not stop I have to write a letter to the school board. I need my job. I am in between situations. I gave my naturalization certificate to the passport agancy and I do not have anything until eight weeks. I cannot apply for another job right now. I am afraid to go to work tomorrow.

((((((((Lupita))))))

::getting ready to buck Lupita up::

Listen.... you're dealing with a bully.....

he's got small little toadies doing some of his bullying.... it is what it is.

You're still Lupita, legal, worthy and employed by this little hypocrit SO.....

what to do, what to do?

Don't let him know he's getting to you.....

start documenting and figuring out what your rights are.

Make notes about who said what and begin the letter to school board.  

You need to feel like you can protect yourself and busy yourself on that plan.... not on being frightened.

Buck yourself up, Lupita.

You can get through this and you can find another job at some point and you can try to keep this little Pig from making you lose your equilibrium.  

When you go back to school.... smile and pretend they said nothing.  Document.  Be confident.  Ignore.  Think about what you will do to get yourself out of this.  

[cats paw]

Lupita,

   Hang tough tommorow.  I'm behind you.  I'm glad you have your ex-boss to talk things over with, as well as this board.

   I'm waiting for Hops to come in and do one of her sample conversations between you and these people.

   Documentation is important. 

cats paw

[Bella_French]

Somebody help me please, I feel very bad.
Today I lucked my self out of my classroom. It was lunch time so I went to the tunch room where teachers were eating together. My boss said if I came into this country swimming. I said that I was not a wet back. He said that he was kidding. In a matter of a milisecond I had a teacher making remarks about why did she have to pay taxes for those ilegals. I said that I have never done anything ilegal in my life. Then another teacher said that why her friend from Africa did not get citizenship and I did. Syddenly I had everybody against me in that table, I believe instigated by him. He is supposed to be a Christian. I am very lonely and sad. I do not know what to do. I called my ex boss who always protected me. He said that I have to talk to this person and if he does not stop I have to write a letter to the school board. I need my job. I am in between situations. I gave my naturalization certificate to the passport agancy and I do not have anything until eight weeks. I cannot apply for another job right now. I am afraid to go to work tomorrow.

Dear Lupita,

Hugs to you ! I just can't believe the open racism in that place. What an ignorant bunch of bullies!.

 I was bullied and taunted a lot by my brothers as as a child. Nothing was sacred, and the taunts ranged from everything from my appearance, my mannerisms, my speech...everything. And I never had any protection from my parents, because my father is a coward and my mother is an N who spoilt my brothers. This went on for something like 10 years, so it was a case of   learning to live with it or falling apart. By the time I was around 15, I  learned some verbal type of defenses which really worked for me, and eventually made them back off, which I'd like to share with you.

My verbal defense in your situation would have been to totally agree with their comments, and then grossly exaggerate the story. For example, I'd probably have nodded in agreement with the swimming to the US part and said `yep, it was really tiring and I had to fight sharks!, see heres the scar (and show them a paper cut or something)  and when they accused me of being illegal, I'd say have said `yep, and I also have aids, anyone want a date?'

I think people don't know how to take these kind of comments. It mildly entertains them, but also shows strength and wit that scares them off a bit. Mostly, it gives them the opposite reaction to what they wanted, which was to see you uncomfortable.

I don't know if this is something you could try?

Anyway, mostly i just wanted to offer you some comfort, and to let you know that you don't deserve this treatment from anyone. You are special lady, and they are morons.

love to you,
Bella

[Lupita]

Thank you Bella. That sounds like something good if I knew it before.

Is this an example or documentation?

OK Dear friends, God bless you. Let us document.

First week of school he said that his favorite hero was Bill OReily who always talk against immigration. I felt sad but I did not give it any importance.
Later that same day he said that this country should build bigger walls against Mexico because too many people are coming.
Next day he asked if anybody had anything good to say about the school. I said that I found many friends there. I just wanted to be nice. To suck up in a good sense. He pretended not to understand my English and the pastor very funny yelled at him, pretending he was translating "She said that she found friends here".
Later that day I said "Buenos dias" Spanish for good morning, and he again put a face as if I was speaking in russian, and I said I just said good morning. Then he said, "if I was paying attention to you I would have understood" I felt very bad.
Three weeks later he called me to his office to ask about my family and he said if I thought too many Spanish people were coming into this country. I said that in 50 years it would be the biggest minority. He said that he would not live to see it.
Then he said that if those ilegals should learn English, I said that I spoke English, Russian, French and Spanish.
Yesterday he gave me flowers and bought a cake to celebrate my citicenship. Invited everybody. Only  ten people went of the 78 people in the school. I believe he wanted to check how many people liked me and feel free to atack me.
Today I lucked my self out of my classroom. It was lunch time so I went to the tunch room where teachers were eating together. My boss said if I came into this country swimming. I said that I was not a wet back. He said that he was kidding. In a matter of a milisecond I had a teacher making remarks about why did she have to pay taxes for those ilegals. I said that I have never done anything ilegal in my life. Then another teacher said that why her friend from Africa did not get citizenship and I did. Suddenly I had everybody against me in that table, I believe instigated by him. He is supposed to be a Christian.
If he goes around telling everybody how much damage he thinks Spanish do to the world, when they see me they see a representation of something bad. I have not done anything bad. I did everything in the right way.


Where is Hop? As our firends here say she has good examples of conversations. My ex boss says that I have the obligation to talk to him tomorrow.
Lighter says I should not. I kind of agree with Lighter in that, but I know that I want to be a Christian, a good Christian and I would like to talk to him if I get the courage.
Tomorrow early, before chapel.
Of course, as soon as I find a chance I will leave. I want another job. A job where I do not have to go to church.

[Lupita]

Hopalong, where are you? I need your conversation example before I go to work tomorrow. I leave my house at 6:00 AM East time. Come on girl friend. I need you.

[Certain Hope]

(((((Lupita)))))))  I am so sorry that these ignorant people are not respecting you.

Your documentation is very, very good.

I wonder what would happen if that man knew you were keeping a record?
I think he needs to know.

Please just remember how very special and loved you are and do make sure you continue to write down these incidents, with dates and quotations,for the record.

More hugs to you... take good care of yourself, Lupita.

With love,
Carolyn

[changing]

Lupita-

I am just sick about the bestial treatment that you are receiving. It seems like you feel that the behavior is racheting up, and your job seems insecure. While you are reliant upon this job and don't have your papers, etc., be sure to keep calm and not say anything which might be interpreted as insubordination, etc. - no wisecracks which might be misconstrued. Be pleasant and do not respond in kind if you are taunted at this point. Keep a written log of all interactions with the dodgy types, and keep strict track of your time and duties, and log these also.
Keep clear of controversy. In the meantime, freshen up your resume and save any money where you can. Research other interesting job opportunities that you qualify for, and start gathering applications. Have free fun and recreation. Take good care of yourself. When the time comes Lupe, you will be ready, in control, and can make your move.

Love and Buena Suerte Lupita,
Changing

[Lupita]

I am checking the internet everyday for openings. Bad is that the openings were at the beginning of the year when I was feeling so comfortable that I decided to stay there. Now there are no openings. But you never know. I will be prudent and keep my eyes opened. Thanks Change.

[cats paw]

Lupita,

   What is the reason you are obligated to talk to him tomorrow?  And if Hops doesn't log in tonight, what kinds of things do you need to address when you talk to him?

cats paw

[Lupita]

My ex boss who used to pretect me last year, I called him today, and he said that I have to talk to him and tell him that he is hurting me. Then, if he does not respond, I have to write a letter to the school board. But first I have to talk to him.

[Lupita]

I am going to salsa class now. I will be back at 10:30 East time. I have to see bad boy today. On top. I have bigger fishes to frie. I have bigger worries, unofrtunately. Now, sexy dancing bad boy seems to be something very small compared with being discriminated against in my job.

[Certain Hope]

My ex boss who used to pretect me last year, I called him today, and he said that I have to talk to him and tell him that he is hurting me. Then, if he does not respond, I have to write a letter to the school board. But first I have to talk to him.

Dear Lupita,

I think your ex boss gives very good and wise advice.

Maybe you can just say that one thing in your own words... simply as possible...
"Mr. _______, your remarks about immigration and my (ethnicity?) are hurting me and damaging my reputation in the eyes of my colleagues here. I value my job and my students and I'm asking you to stop making these inappropriate comments. Thank you."

Short and sweet?

With love,
Carolyn

[changing]

Dear Lupita-

I know that you will find a better position soon, so don't give up or lose patience to do things in your own sweet time. The papers will come back soon. In the meantime, you get your resources together, just like an army. Get your resume perfected ( and you now have your new citizenship status to add to it!) Put as much money away as possible- you will feel more secure and will have more choices with a larger piece of cheddar in the bank. Get your interview clothes together. Exercise and brush up on any skills that may be rusty. And don't let those ignorant savages bring you down. At this point, your job is simply business, your business, and those hyenas (not colleagues) there are not worth your precious time or emotions.
We here care about you, and are adamantly opposed to everything that any imbecilic types say to rile you up. You are far too classy and sophisticated a lady to have to respond to those puercos grunting in their pens. I am praying for you and your son, and I know that you can overcome it all. Stay strong and build up your stockpile!

Love and prayers,

Changing