Dear Hops,
I haven't read the other responses, but the behaviour sounds familiar to me. I do not know if your D is N'ish or an N? I am so sorry that I do not know the history. But I wanted to say that her behaviour sounds almost identical, in tone and `flavor' to my last year with ex-N.
One example (I'll try to keep it brief) was our last Christmas holiday spent together. It was perfect, fun, and peaceful, starting out with a Christmas dinner with his family (who I adored), a ton of affection and compliments from him, a beautiful Christmas gift, and then 10 days of camping/ rock climbing with mutual friends, out in a beautiful rainforest setting. It was honestly the best time I've ever had holidaying, and the trip was loving, peaceful and fun. Even our friends, who knew we'd had troubles in the past, commented on just how well we suited each other, and what a `cute' couple we were.
On the last day, the friends left early, and he picked a fight with me as soon as they were gone. It reminded me so much of your daughter's behavior, I just had to mention it. It was a `nothing' fight, based on something so trivial I could have laughed (a stray leaf that had got into the boot of his car, lol). It esculated to a bunch of unwarranted and random insults, resulting in him breaking up with me (100 kms from civilization! ). I think he might have even meant to leave me there!
I read somewhere that this is what N's commonly do when they get close to someone. It arouses fear of abandonment, so they conduct a pre-emptive strike.
It sounds like your daughter preemptively-struck you, Hops. I am so sorry! I know it is the worst kind of pain, because it always comes after you feel close and even loved.
X Bella