Hello to all who read this,
One thing I love about modern technology is that it provides a fantastic way, a safe way, to release ones fears. I have been in a relationship with an N for 7 years now, and have finally mustered the strength to leave. Sounds easy? NOT! I am now left asking myself am I also an N??? I call this state of being, "mind shifting". It is as though my mind shifts in and out of my 'old' consciousness and the 'new' one given me by my ex-N. Or, was it given to me? Perhaps it is me? The only thing that I hold on to to assure myself of some sanity, is that I have insight and the ability to see these aspects in myself. Perhaps I am not that bad off! My ex-N has no ability of this what-so-ever. It is ALWAYS everybody else who MADE him do it. He is simply NEVER wrong. At least, I can own my behaviour to a much greater extent than that. Yet, I also have found myself trivialising some pretty 'out-there' things I have done, in response to my ex-N. It got to the point where I would say to myself "This is me, but this is not me". Crazy!!!
We are currently having an AVO matter taken up with the courts. The most hurtful thing is that my ex-N has loudy declared the matter, twisting and turning the truth, to an entire community of recently made friends. I would not blame them if they are afraid of me and do not know what to think.
Unfortunately for me, my ex-N comes from a notable family in our local government region, and constantly boasts this association which obviously gives him some form of credibility in the publics eye. Yet, it amounts to sheer defamation. There seems to be no justice for me, and I am really wanting, needing that now to affirm my reality. Instead, I hide myself away in isolation feeling almost paralysed. He had long threatened that by the time he was through with me, I'd be a cot-case. I am a single mum of two boys, a ful-time university student, and an active community development member in my local government area. I had aspired to get into community development, yet my ex-N seems adamant to destroy my reputation. How many more people will he fabricate the truth to? Will there be any justice! Am I right for desiring justice? Afterall, he was once a victim too. Although, he will NEVER admit that.
Question: Did anyone else, fresh from a break-up with an N feel that they may have been the N also, or too? Did you go through a 'mind shifting' experience upon breaking-up? And if so, how long did it take before you felt able to deal with the 'mind shifting'?
Cheers! That is all for now.
Kmmac
