Carolyn,
in the past,I have been immature,on the board. I can see how you would have bad feelings toward me. I can see how you could have built up animosity against me. Carolyn.
Ami, Thank you. That's very gracious of you to say.
I don't feel animosity toward you, though... it's been more like an acting out of my old learned habit of giving up on someone... a horrible habit of which I'm trying to rid myself.
I wish that you had been able to write this post initially to me, directly... addressed to me... but I don't know whether I could have done that, either...
and I completely understand why you would not feel safe enough to do so. You and I are alot different ... and yet, maybe not so different. I don't know. But we've certainly rubbed each other the wrong way enough times to make it more difficult to establish any basis of trust.
Please understand... I am not asking you to trust me. Because I know that there is a lack of connection between us, I have purposefully not posted to your threads, so that I would not cause you pain or disruption. When you included my name in your recent post about something you'd learned from Ann, my "confession" just came blurting out... not to cause harm, but to end a conflict which had been going on within me, internally. It was dumb and thoughtless and boorish.. but not cruel, Ami. Cruelty has never been my intent, not with anyone, not even with those who have caused me great distress. Not ever.
I'm thankful that you and I have been able to talk a bit here without interference. Thank you.
Carolyn
