he is an N but I am not ready to leave him.

[Lupita]

It is so difficult. Now I am at my house. I know that if I was with him, he would be making fun of me and putting me down in one way or another. Still, I feel so lonely, so lonely.
I know I have many things to do.
Study for GRE, visit my son, prepare for school, play the piano, etc.
Still, it feels so lonely!!!! So lonely!!!
I am reading the article of the Ts posted by Dr. G. I feel so much like that woman. She said, nobody wanted to take me home. i feel that way. The only person who wanted me made fun of me, treated me like sh*t and made me feel bad almost all the time.
Nobody wanted me ever, and I was never welcome into this world.

[CB123]

Lupita,  I am just beginning to do some reading on the critical voice that goes on in our heads all the time--the one tells us that we are stupid, or that we are unwanted or that only somebody mean wants us.  I havent read much yet, but I think its important to understand that voice and learn to talk back to it.

That voice isnt even you...that voice is telling you lies and calling you names and none of it is true.  It feels true, because it uses the word "I", like it knows something about you.  It's just a voice and not even yours. 

I dont know anything else, I cant really help you turn the voice off.  But I can tell you what little I know, and what I know is that voice that is telling you that you arent wanted in the world is lying.

CB

[debkor]

Hi Lup,

You sure are welcome in this world. 

Lup,

With your parents I don't think they were capable of giving a child what they need to grow and be loved (welcomed) nurtured as any child should be.  Ofcourse it is lonely when you don't feel wanted...just there....like they are a gift to you.  You were a gift to them.  They were blessed with a child.  Not everyone can have children and would do anything to have had the chance to have a child as you were. 

The put downs, the games your b/f plays with you, comes from some deep f'd up thing going on inside himself.  Please do not take it personal (he can't give you or in that case anyone) what a person should have.   It puts you in a lonely state (feelings of being un-wanted) especially if you leave. 

We know Lup we can beat our brains out trying to make sense, use logic, feelings, clearly saying,  You are hurting our feelings...........which kind of makes you feel more lonely (when they don't hear you). 

That is the lonely Lup..........

Where your at, what you are feeling, may feel lonely BUT I think your grieving for what you once Thought you had.  Now you see the real him and that is what made you feel lonely.

If you are feeling bad then you sure should feel bad for yourself.  He treated you (not so nice) and is breaking your heart. 

Your heart will heal.

I read a dancing, laughing, full of life Lup....and now...a down part of life.  The part that we wish to never cross over (it could be anything) but there is ups and downs.  Just a down time.

If you want to sit and do nothing or cry you go for it.  You should.  You have been hurt. Your wounded.

No Lup.....lonely would to stay with him........never be heard......

Your grieving as you should be.   Your sad. 

You will heal from this.  We will see a laughing, musical, teaching, dancing Lup again.

I have been reading you Lup and I have read loneliness with this man but now I think I reading closure.....and closure does feel very lonely but there is an ending and healing.

To stay with him would be livng a lonely life. 

And you wrote......you know if you were with him he would be putting you down in one way or another.....and guess what?

Your not with him.  You said No.

Either way your going to feel lonely.  Closure (good bye) or with him. 

You will heal in time with good bye  loneliness will pass for him......but if you stay......Will It?

Which do you want?

You are most certanily welcome in this world .......just ask your son.

snd the board......

Do not judge yourself and feeling welcome (by people who don't know how to act, feel, parent, treat others as humans with needs, and love) and why?  Because they just can't.

Love
Deb

[Lupita]

CB, what have you been reading. I want to read it too. Thank you.

Thank you Mo2 for your concerns.

Ami, I dont understand what you mean.

Deb, I understand, I felt lonely with him too. But now I feel more lonely. I felt sad with him too. Now I feel sadder.

But I am aware that his problems will keep me under water all the time.

And literally speaking, one day we were playing in the pool, and he put me under water, I yelled like crazy, he got mad, he asked me who did to me before, I said, my father, he said, we are just having fun. I laught. I said, pleas dont do it again, he did it two more times and never again. I thought that he was understaning little by little, he even stopped the cheek to cheek daning. But i guess it was an illusion.

I dont want to go back there, but Ihave to keep my self of not going. How can I talk my slef?
CB where are you reading that?

[lighter]

Lupe:

The biggest growth comes from sitting with that lonliness, and just getting through it.

If you can avoid repeating destructive choices, you're doing great, IME, and that's something to celebrate.

Heck, look forward to making NEW mistakes.

The work your doing with replacing negative thoughts is a very positive mindful choice.

Growth's hallmark is pain and discomfort, unfortunately.

Your're  doing fine (((Lupe))).
Mo2

[Ami]

What I meant was that IF I am really, really attracted to someone ,maybe I should just run and skip the relationship altogether .



                             Ami

[Lupita]

I cannot believe that he did not care about me at all. Why would he wake me up from my surgery, just like my mother did? He wook me up seven times when I was in pain and needed to sleep?

Who am I going to do complicated movements of tango that I did with him? Nobody dances like he does!!!!

I am so depressed!

With somany women, he will find another immediately.

[Lupita]

CB, I did not know that you ex husband tried to put you in jail. I had that fear with M. That he always wants to make me look bad. One day, he was working with the wave runner, he ended up with some breuces, and he asked me:

how did you do this to me?

I said:

Is there any other way you want to make me look bad? Do you want to destroy my life?

To hear that your husband tried to put you in jail, it is terrifying!!!

[lighter]

He woke you up after surgery?   7 times? 

That's disturbing, Lupe.  No denying it.

What's even more disturbing is thinking about him having access to your personal papers..... bank account, Social Security number, phone books, medications, etc, while you slept: /

I know having a good dance partner is important to you..... it would be a great loss if you can't dance with him any longer.

I wish there was some way you could just dance with him without having to date him.

Of course, he'd be all over you if you wanted to just dance and move past dating........ very difficult to say NO to a mean person when they're behaving nicely.

I understand, and have one comment:  When the pain of staying is worse than the pain of leaving, you'll move on.

Sorry it hurts so much, ((Lupe)).

[sKePTiKal]

Dear, very much wanted Lupita:

you talk to yourself, the same way you'd give support to someone here on the board... or your son, if he asked for help... you tell yourself the comforting things you need to hear to calm the loneliness - and give yourself the encouragement to go out and be with other people and enjoy them as best you can right now. You put your energy to work on the things that are starting to pile up, that you are doing for yourself and that you need to do to be ready for the school year. Doing nothing isn't the always the best choice - sometimes we need distractions to put us back into rhythm with our own lives. That's OK, just the same as choosing to sit with the sad feelings... if that helps.

If you came to you, as if to a best friend or wise parent... what would you tell you? Write yourself little notes with your best warm compassionate advice to yourself. Read them, whenever you need to. There are lots of dancing partners; I remember you saying that one of the best dancers asked you to dance with him... and you enjoyed learning the different nuances of dancing with him... and that you thought he was a better dancer than M.

It will be OK. Really.